First time..

[peanutx]

Alright well i'm not sure if this is allowed but i don't really have anyone to talk to about this... I'm 17 and lost my virginity to my boy friend about 2 or 3 weeks ago. See now that line right there freaks me out just a tiny bit.
I've had experience in just about everything but sex, so i think maybe this is why I'm hesitating to continue it? Like taking a new language for the first time and it being hard to understand?
This might sound off, but it wasn't the way I had planned, like how i thought it would be. I thought we would have protection, i would be on birth control, i would know before it happened. But we didn't have any of those. It was random, we were messing around and then i just wanted to do it. I usually know my limits and never cross them, but this just happened. I don't feel like it was because i loved him and i was ready for it, i feel like i was just really freaking horny and went with it.
I'm scared to talk to my best friend about it, because my boy friend and i had become really close to doing it before this, and i had told her about it and she got worried. She told me to lay off the touching for a while until i could get control over my limits again. And it's obvious i didn't listen.
Another thing is that i didn't bleed, and it didn't hurt except an uncomfortable pressure deep in my pelvis area, is that normal?
I talked to my boy friend about everything but he got a little agitated because he said i was being immature and that we wouldn't have sex again until i grew up.
I don't understand though, as i said i've had experience in just about everything and i'm told i'm very mature for my age so why is this so difficult for me to get over and move on?

[BeautifulSilence]

Well, Rozz. Unfortunately, this sorta thing happens way too often.

I don't think anyone's first time really goes as planned, and a lot of the time, people aren't ready.

I'd say it's normal for you to feel odd about it, but what's done is done. You can't change it, but you can choose what happens next. Just because you've had sex with your boyfriend, you don't have to make it a regular thing. In fact, a lot of people who feel like you do wait a long time before they go as far as intercourse again.

And with the no bleeding thing, that's probably because your hymen had already broken (through using tampons or doing rough sports etc) or it wasn't as tight as someone who would bleed. The no pain is just another thing that varies by the girl (and sometimes the size of the boy). Some girls really hurt, others feel absolutely no pain. [If it makes you feel better, I was one of the latter].

[peanutx]

Thanks for your reply :)
Yeah I think I'm just not ready for all of the responsibility that come's along with having sex. My parents would bury me alive if they knew, if i got pregnant or if i some how got an STD, there wont be a way out with what country I'm in at the moment... This was just so unexpected, it took me by surprise, and I really didn't want myself to regret it. I don't of course, I'm just a little confused with myself...
Thanks again :)

[DoveGreySands]

You're always going to be hesitant when you do something for your first time, even after you've done it, you may take a while to calm yourself down. I think the main reason you seem so shocked is because you are worried you're pregnant or that something else may happen, but don't be, sex is pleasurable for a reason, you've got to enjoy it :)

[byee]

Well, I'd say that you are the mature one in the relationship, his response to your emotional concerns are really outrageous and unacceptable, and I'm saying this as a sexually active guy. Regardless of where they are coming from and what they might mean, they are real for you and you should be able to discuss them openly with your partner without him rejecting you and calling you names. Strike three.

I think sex is a very complicated issue, it's really more than just physical release, it's also very emotional. Sometimes, we cannot anticipate that part of it, no matter how much we think about it or plan for it or how mature we might be. Feelings get stirred up, and they are just there.

I think you'd do well to take a step back here and sorta reconstitute yourself: Your values and your ideals and such were really shattered by this experience and your reaction to it (as well as his heartless response). You are still who you are, but sometimes when an ideal is challenged, it throws us off track a bit. Maybe you need time to get back on track within yourself, to realize that maybe you went to far, to fast, and that it's time to pull over for a rest for a while to regain your bearings.

And when you get back on romance highway, maybe it should be with a different passenger.

[peanutx]

I talked to my boy friend again and he still didn't quite get what i meant. My brother's girl friend is pregnant and she's getting an abortion. They broke up as well and she'd always told me she wished she waited to have sex since she was 14 when she lost her virginity.
Once i talked to my boy friend about this he understood completely since a majority of my worries was getting pregnant, he said he doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable doing something we should both enjoy.
I haven't seen him for 2 weeks so i had time to think things through and accept what's happened. I don't think we'll be having sex again until I'm ready :)
Thanks again, this was very helpful!!

[Mrred]

Really all I can say is all sexual things are great but not unless your ready for them. If you didnt feel comfortable about it then it probably wasn't enjoyable for you? Maybe?

[Requin]

Please don't bump old threads Mrred. It's against the rules. :locked: