i can't stop thinking about it lately.

[kittiegocrazy]

I've had such an easy time avoiding cutting, but since around mid-December, it's been increasingly difficult. All I can think about is just doing it again. Just one cut wouldn't hurt keeps popping into my head.. But I know if I do just one, it's going to turn into another and another... And I'll be fighting an addiction again. It's like a therapy to me when music alone does not work. I remember what it was like very, very well.

I'm so angry and snappy... And explosive.. I have no release right now.

But my grades... They're killing me. I'm going to have failed off of my school's bowling team if my father can't get my spanish teacher to change my failing grade to an incomplete so I don't fail off of the team. My coach can't do anything because of a "conflict of interest" rule or something. This is my senior year, and our team has to defend its State Champ title this Saturday.

I just feel like going deeper than I used to... Just to let it all out in one cut... I could say I won't do it again after, but I know I will if I cave in to it just once.

[Hyper]

Well you said it yourself one cut will turn into another and so on. All the time you spent fighting your urge to cut will be nullified and in the end you'll most likely feel guilty and even crappier the day after you cut..

OFC Logic barely helps with addictions.

You need to sort out the things that are making you stressed. The Spanish grade is one thing, get stuff off your back.. Find a way don't let your problems control you, control your problems and solve them

[peanutx]

I know the urge's can drive you crazy but the aftermath will send you falling. If you let yourself give in to that temptation, it will take you a while to get back to where you left off, and you'll feel 10 times worse than you do with the urges. You can't change the things that aren't in your hands, but you can understand and learn how to cope with them. But for the thing's that are clearly in your hands, that it is up to you to change and keep moving forward.

[kittiegocrazy]

I avoided it. It's just so insanely difficult for me right now, because all I can remember is the release and how much lighter I felt after doing it.

Instead of cutting, I've been smoking cigarettes whenever I can instead of cutting myself.. But both aren't such great ideas. They're both physically damaging.

But thanks guys. I'm just barely hanging in there... to avoid doing this to myself again. I was hoping that after so many months without cutting the thought of ever doing it again would just not happen anymore... But I think it was a foolish thing for me to have expected.

[Barelythere]

I've had such an easy time avoiding cutting, but since around mid-December, it's been increasingly difficult. All I can think about is just doing it again. Just one cut wouldn't hurt keeps popping into my head.. But I know if I do just one, it's going to turn into another and another... And I'll be fighting an addiction again. It's like a therapy to me when music alone does not work. I remember what it was like very, very well.

I'm so angry and snappy... And explosive.. I have no release right now.


I just feel like going deeper than I used to... Just to let it all out in one cut... I could say I won't do it again after, but I know I will if I cave in to it just once.

i am totally at the same place as you right now, this describes it perfectly, i keep thinking, maybe just one little cut and it will make the urges go away, but i know i wouldnt stop at one, and i would end up in a big bl**dy mess, im so snappy and irritable about it and all peoples advice is 'stop thinking about it' but i cant, its not like i want to think about it, ugh, anyways just wanted to let you know your not alone *hugs*