Oh dear

[Crystal-Clear]

Hey guys, it's been a while since I've been here...

You see I quit self harm, and I was clean for almost 2 and a half years, but then at the weekend I was staying with some friends, and I was on my own, and I had urges, but for some reason I didn't call them, when I should of done, he would of ran home for me, and it would of never happened.
But instead of that non chalant voice saying 'no don't do it'
It was replaced with this other voice that just said 'fuck it why not'.

So I really let people down. They're all confused with me, thinking I was other it, but I'm obviously not, I've had self harming as a problem for 5 years now, and I can't shake it. I don't know what to do....

I don't want to be constantly returning to square one like this and hurting the people who care about me.... Should I see someone?? My boyfriend sometimes thinks I'm mentally ill because of how I tackle things, but thats a bit drastic surely....

Anyway sorry for rambling, I'm just a bit lost at the moment, and could do with some advice from people who understand. Thanks for your time and reading this guys xx

[Requin]

I don't think your mentally ill. That's a bit far I believe. But being clean for 2 and half years is a fantasitc achievment!!!

So if you can go clean for nearly three years...then you can stop doing it. It's not an impossible task to you, as you did it!
So what you need I think is a bit of confidence and self esteem. And remember, this fight of cutting is between you and the urge, not what others say about it.
Focus on your own fight, take the knowledge that you know you shouldn't do it and that you CAN stop it.

You wouldn't believe how powerful the mind is, I can't. If you can't do it on your own, then try a pyschologist???? They are very helpful and can do amazing things for people. See what the others say about the Pyschologist first, but remember to use confidence! You can do it, you already did, so just try and do whatever you did last time.

Also remember, that you are not alone. You say you have a bf, which is great, he should support you and you have friends. Just hang out with them, spend time with your family and boyfriend and fight it.

I hope it all goes well for you. Good Luck and remember that this site is here for you if you need it.
Peace. :-)

[Barelythere]

well done for the 2 and a half years that is a fantasitic achivement, and dont think its lost because you slipped up, it is only lost if you continue doing it, but you are trying to stop, it is sooo hard, i know, and yeh if you cant do it alone, go see someone a therapist or a councelor, they will give you lots of help and support and maybe help you get to the root of why you want to self harm,
wishing you the best of luck, and well done again xx

[Crystal-Clear]

You guys are so sweet thank you xx Your words of encouragement made me smile ^_^ xx

[Barelythere]

good you deserve to smile and be happy :D

[Triceratops]

Self harming is problem which is incredibly hard to shake off, but hey, there is so much help you can get these days.
I think you've done extremely wel to not cut for 2 and a half and that's an achievement you most definitely should be proud of! Because it just proves who strong and brave you actually are.

Just to clear something up, I definitely don't think you're mentally ill. Like so many other people, your boyfriend probably has no idea about self harming itself! Just being honest here...
I've also risked hurting the people who care for me by cutting, but I was selfish about this, I used to think "Fuck them, they don't know shit. It's my choice and how I deal with things. They should stay out of this" etc. But I'm glad you're nothing like that.

I think you should see a psychiatrist of some sort, or someone very close to you who WON'T judge you or consider you "mentally ill".

Hope this helps :)
Good luck with everything<3

[Crystal-Clear]

Hm well....

I've done alot of thinking, and I've decided that I don't have to quit right now, if I don't want too, I'm not going to let people force me or guilt trip me over it anymore, because it goes like this, it just builds and builds till I just cut again, then their all 'Oh how could you?' and guilt trip me into quitting all over again...

Not anymore, for once I'm going to do what I want, not what other people tell me to do and if thats cutting then so be it, it'll be a secret, I'll tell people when I want to quit, I just need to get it out of my system.

Is that so bad?