Urgent Help...

[rollroll123]

I could really do with some help on this,

this is the first time I've opened up about this to anybody apart from myself and it's been driving me insane for 3 months now. Basically I'm terribly confused about my sexuality.

Here's the thing, for as long as i can remember, I've liked girls. Even loved girls. Ever since i was 11 or so years old (I'm now 17) I've never not been interested in a girl. I've dated girls, been obsessed with girls, been in love with long term girlfriends, had sex with lots of girls, but in the last 3 months now, I'd had nobody on my mind.

For some reason, i began to think about being gay or bi, like if i was or not, kind of in a paranoid manor, and then the paranoia became to confuse and consume me, and honestly, for the last 3 months now it hasn't left my head, it's depressed me so badly that i can't do anything anymore, i can't have fun. the idea of being gay is just haunting me so badly, and I'm terrified of it.

It's just such a strange this coming from a guy like me because I've always been attracted to women. But now I'm not really attracted to them like how i used to be, there are still some girls i am very attracted to but some of my friends who i used to be attracted to i no longer am, i don't know if this is due to the depression or confusion or what. And then sometimes i find guys attractive, i don't know if i do or not really i think it might just be my paranoia, i mean i can't tell the difference if i notice that a guy is generally 'good looking' like anybody else would think or what.

To summarize, h'm very confused and depressed and i need help. I love girls, i feel so much more emotionally connected to them, but for some reason i feel less attracted to them lately. And it's scaring me. I really don't want to be gay. When i read this it all sounds really stupid to me, but it's how i feel.

please help, thank you.

[Requin]

Well it sounds like ideas and feelings are colliding like atoms really.
Do you like guys emotionally or physically or both?

As you seem to hate the idea of being gay, which is normal, for most gay people that's the hardest part, acceptance.
But why did you start to think of the idea of becoming gay? Was it the curiousity? The fact that you were losing your attraction to females?

I'd like more info, sorry. But a little more info about your feelings and why you thought about it. The idea of thinking about being gay has led you to looking at guys in a different way, as it has me. So it could just be curiousity, but I honestly do not know, or it could be that your turning. But that seems rather strange at your previous encounters with girls.
But this, in some cases doesn't always mean a lot.

[staying_alive]

I know how you feel. I've always been involved with women and I now don't know what I am. You just need to take it easy, not be paranoid about it, and accept whatever happens. No matter how hard it may be, you need to realize that when you try to change uncontrollable things, it never turns out well.

EDIT–unfortunately, there is no magic switch inside of us that chooses our sexuality. However, there is a switch that determines if you accept it or not. Whether you want to flip the switch or not...well, that's your choice.

[rollroll123]

I guess it was just curiosity,

i mean this is the first time in a long time that i've not been involved with a girl, however there are certain girls i still look at and give me butterflies you know? I dont know what the norm is, i can't remember if all moderately attractive girls used to turn me on or just some, i mean i've always been kind of picky about those things.

You know when you tell yourself not to think about something, but then you think about it more and more? well this is what that is kind of like, when i'm not thinking about it i feel straight as hell. And i still say really womanizing things to girls that i do find attractive. I cannot see myself being emotionally attached to a guy, it just seems impossible and weird for me, i've always been good buddies with guys. Best friends. But i think this confusion as messed me up into thinking about it differently. Sexually i could sort of see myself being there, but again i don't know if that's normal and curiosity or what. What i hope it is, is that it's a vicious cucle or paranoia leading to thinking that i'm gay and that thought making me depressed, and the depression and confusion leading me to having a lack of attraction for girls.

I never ever ever stop thinking about it, i wish that i could just clear it up and stop thinking about it, but i'll never accept it until i truly know or not. I really hope it's just a weird phase. Gay people are cool, i know and respect quite a few of them, i just can't see myself being there with them.

[Furn_93]

You seem to have a unique situation, but with aspects of many others.

Don't worry about being gay, (not that you are) because there's nothing to worry about. You've come through the time you generally find out your sexuality, so you're probably gonna stay that way. However, at 17, there's still some hormones floating around in there that may make you think about guys.

I know what you mean by the desperation of not wanting to be gay, but by the sounds of it, you really are straight, but just a little interested in what guys look like. To be gay, you'd find them attractive sexually, want to masturbate over them, want to go out with them, which by what you said doesn't appear to be the case. So, stop worrying about it!

[Lifeguard18]

This also happened to me. I also use to love girls for some reason I started to like guys. In my thread or whatever u want to call them I'm asking help or advice to see if a guy is gay I'd bi so I can ask him out. I like both guys and girls but I have no idea why I started to like guys but now I do and kind of accept it. I'm still frustrated over it but I have no idea of it's a phase or whatever. I definatley know how u feel.

[Oblivion]

Mmky. So.
A. Just because you aren't as attracted to females at the moment, it doesn't mean you are gay.
B. You can tell if guys are attractive. Good! You have eyes! :P

Just because you can see good looks, or just because you don't have a huge interest in girls at the moment, it doesn't make you gay.
Being gay is a strong mental, sexual and physical attraction to the same sex. It is not the ability to tell when a male is attractive.

[zoig]

rollroll123, Don't worry your still young and it could all just be a homonal phase. but if it's any help I always consider myself to be female biased bi (I have a lot stronger feelings towards women then men) but I have been in a gay relationship with a fantastic guy for several years now. (I consider him my soulmate) so it's always odd what life throws at you.
My advice is to relax, enjoy life and see where things go, if you try and resist your feelings you will just end up a misrable nurotic wreck.
Denial really wont help but it could just be a phase.