Long Distance Relationships

[Mzor203]

I know peoples' opinions vary quite widely on this subject, so I have decided to bring it to the brilliant folks of ROTW.

Can a long distance relationship in which the two people in the relationship see each other maybe once a year or never at all work, and is it actually a viable alternative to a relationship in which you see each other much more often?

Obviously, it is possible to have a relationship like this and have it go relatively smoothly. Jessi (Kalaidescope Eyes (Or however you spell that)) is an example of this, and Tim (Deschain) is as well. Unbeknowngst to many of you, I am currently in a long distance relationship that I have had for nearly two months as well. But, it certainly doesn't work for everyone, and the question I am asking you is this: If you think you've found someone that you like online, and you think you should give it a go, is it a smart move? Would you encourage them to?

I, for one, would, and I give a couple reasons why.

If you really think things are going to go well with this person you have met, and you think staying loyal to them is possible and realistic for you, you should. The internet gives you a way to find people who are going to be able to relate to you more, to have similar interests, etc. Physical contact can be important in a relationship, but technologies such as webcams, audio communication, etc. get you pretty close to that. With so much more diversity online than in the place you may live in, it gives you a much better chance of someone who would be more compatible. I think a relationship like this can easily have a lot of merit if approached in the right way.

But what are your thoughts? I'm tired and can't think up more issues that may need to be addressed, so agree with me or refute my argument and I will supply more reasons later.

[Axellance]

I believe that while it can short term, it cannot work for an indefinite or lasting relationship. At some point you need to meet each other in order to have a healthy relationship. I don’t believe it’s possible to truly love someone you have never met unless that someone is a family member. So while I do believe that the internet makes a decent medium for meeting people, it cannot work for maintaining a relationship. I also don’t think its healthy to (as an adult) have your only romantic relationships be online. Internets only place in relationships is simply a medium to find people, unless you plan on meeting it will not work imo! The relationships can be smooth but they will not last, you will eventually tire of not being able to go places with your girlfriend/boyfriend or hug or kiss… The only way I would ever advise anyone to be involved in a long distance relationship is if they live close enough that if all goes well they can actually meet at some point in time.

[Gumleaf]

i basically agree with what lance has said here. talking about internet relationships here. the only way they can work is if there is a plan in place that you will definetly see eachother and if you are serious about it, planning your future in that you can be together all the time. because lets face it, relationships with talking online (being typing, talking or webcamming) are all well and good, but if its going to get serious, you are going to want to be with them physically. hug them, kiss them and do sexual stuff with them at some point too.

the intenet is a great thing, but as someone said to me when i was briefly in an online relationship, no matter how much you want it to work and no matter how much you think it can work, it most likely won't. and the reason is simple. as much as you think you know someone online, the fact is, you don't really know them. you can't show your whole self online, its just impossible to do it. i realise you probably think i'm being really negative about this, but the fact is, apart from the odd exception, internet relationships just don't work in most cases and although they can be nice experiences, it just causes more emotional pain if you keep getting involved in them.

[theOperaGhost]

I agree completely with Lance. It might be fine to meet people online, but a relationship will never last if it is solely online. Now I feel that online things like eHarmony are not bad things. However the difference is that they just help find people that are compatible to you. But those relationships normally don't occur online completely.

Basically to sum it up; using the internet to find a boyfriend/girlfriend is okay(I say okay, because I still don't think it's the greatest thing to do), but sustaining a relationship solely online with absolutely no physical contact will never work long-term.

[redcar]

You can't have a relationship online. To have a proper relationship with someone there has to be a physical element and I am not talking about sex. Talking to someone, IM'ing them, texting them are all well and good but things are very different in person. If a relationship is based only around that then it can not work.

[Maverick]

I would never do it. Although I have gotten close with someone I met online. We actually talked about it one time how if we lived closer we would be interested in dating each other. But we both agreed that an online relationship would be foolish. The entire thing was just a 'what if' type thing and we didn't allow it to go past that.

Meeting people online is a great thing. It can allow you to talk to all kinds of people around the world. I don't see anything wrong with online dating then later meeting locally. It can be really hard to meet new people and the internet can open up a lot of doors.

[Mannequin]

I think it's like 1/8 that meet their lovers online. Random fact. Anyways, my answer is no unless you see each other a good deal. I mean pilots, flight attendants, international business people are often far away from their spouses but they see them too.

[byee]

I think there are varying degrees to a relationship. It depends on what both people expect and need. As long as the needs and expectations of both people are in synch, then I think an online relationship actually has real value: It gives you practice and experience with feelings and behaviors that will increase your confidence. So, when you eventually get involved with someone real time, that online experience will make it more likely that you'll feel more confortable in a dating situation, and also be more successful at it.

[Trickster]

You need to meet eachother at least once a week to have a healthy relationship in my opinion. Because eventually u will lose touch in eachothers lives and what u do for fun. Webcams are good yet they are more for long distance friends and family who has a parents or offspring on a buisness trip. Interaction will leave a feeling of fulfillment and love. The two people wont seem to have some awkward conversations about thing the other wont know a thing about, leaving a long distance. This creates a void and a personal feel of losing the other. The two will then seek fullfillment from a friends.
Arguments can become easier to be started for they will say thing they wouldnt normally to kinda jumpstart the talking but it is the wrong thing.
To have a good relationship you have to see, feel, hear and know your partner.

[Halibut]

if you love the person enough it should work

[A.J.]

I dont think it works. I've been in one but its kinda depressing, one main subject i'm sure everyone else usually discusses in one is, "I wish you were here", and its not really that satisfying, at least for me, to just talk on the phone or over the internet.

[Zephyr]

I've seen it work, so it's possible. But not something to be done over a long period of time. People get lonely, people need physical companionship. I would be wiling to try it out under the circumstance that I'd be able to move near them or vice versa in a timely manner if I thought they were truly worth it. Otherwise, no. There are limits to it, like with everything else.