So sick...

[Wolf Teen]

I started cutting a year ago because my moms cancer kind of put a huge burn on me...I just didn't want to live, and at first thats what I attempted. Suicide. It's odd, because the pills I swallowed didn't even have an effect on me. So I just went on, scared and alone. Then one of my freinds whom had cut told me about it...She didn't encurge it, in fact, she said the oposite. But, I tried it. And, boy, did it feel good. All of my pain, striking out. But now I wish that I hadn't. When my mom found out, she got all angry at me. She thinks i don't do it anymore, even though I do. My best freinds are all careful around me. And my teachers always look at my arms all the time, as if they could see it. They can't, 'cause I cut on my upper arm. But, I'm fairly proud of myself. 4 days without cutting, even though I'm sure I might break anytime.

I just put this here to tell peaple part of my story...I fit in a ton of diffrent "catigories" here. (Am I weird that way?) Anyways, yeah.

[byee]

I'm really sorry about your mom. I can understand how stressful that is, and why you might turn to cutting. Maybe it's the control tht cutting offers that makes you feel better, cancer so often makes people feel vulnerable and out of control of what happens.

Sometimes, the reason or cutting is pretty clear, as in your case. It really does sound like its the result of her diagnosis, you probably wouldnlt be doing it if she wasn't sick, right?

I think it's really a good idea to get some therapy to better understand and explore the stresses of having cancer in mom, and find different ways of dealing with, and expressing those feelings.

You can talk with your mom about this, you can talk with school guidance counselors, or maybe even your mom's oncologist, very often they know of groups for families woth cancer. but whichever you choose, do tell someone and jet them get you to someone who can help.

[Wolf Teen]

Thanks...I never thought anyone else could care, ya know. Now I'm sounding really freakish but its the truth. And yeah, I will...I'll try at least :)

[MysticalBurrito]

Sorry bout your mom i never knew my real mom
And keep up the good work on trying to stop 4 days is a good amount of time

[Wolf Teen]

Dang! It was soooo hard! I can't beleive i actully did it again! My mom had a blood clot...led to being hospitalized...Led to me taking out a blade. Ah! Why am i so weak?

[byee]

It's not weakness, it's fright! It's stress! You're facing your mom's cancer, I think you have to look at the bigger picture here. Going thru a chronic, potentially terminal illness of a loved one, a mother, no less, takes real strength! YOU are not weak!

I think you need to realize that your mom's cancer is a real trauma for you, it;s disrupting your life and your sense of well being, and when she get's sicker, it just reminds you of that, it makes it all a little too real.

Do you have some people in your life who can be supoortive and understanding? How about your dad? Sibs? Friends? Other relatives? I think you need to reach out to them at those times, let them soothe you and be there for you, or just plain be around you. I think you're going thru this (emotionally) alone, and that's not good.

Get some support, I think if you've got that, you won't cut.