Zephyr
January 23rd, 2009, 05:50 AM
So, I was talking to my brother (Derrick) a couple hours ago and told him everything pertaining to the last couple days, all of the crying, not feeling wanted by my own family, about my basically being banned from the house on weekends and about my severe cutting episode that I had earlier today. And he's the miracle I've been looking for. He wants to start keeping me busy, immediately.
Tomorrow and all this weekend he's going to be in Corvallis, so he's invited me to come over to where he is everyday and just do stuff. Like, tomorrow night he's invited me to come cook with him and then take me along with him to his dancing class.
Then he's going to be moving to Portland sooner than thought, and I've gotten an extended invitation to come up anytime, as I please, and he offered to pay for all of the gas (even though I'd feel bad about it, but he's insisted that he'd really not mind at all).
Most importantly though, he's reassured me that he really truly cares and he isn't getting frustrated, fed up or being totally not understanding of me like my mum and his dad are. He's reassured me that he just isn't talking with me about all of this because he feels sorry for me, that he's truly interested in my well being and wants to help in anyway possible. He's reassured me that he really does like hanging out with me and talking to me, especially since we don't do it enough.
Somebody in real life is finally taking a genuine and active interest in showing that they really do care. I've been so happy that I've been bawling my eyes out all night. You have no idea. This is all I've ever really wanted, somebody real to care about me and be sensitive about what I'm going through since I've never had that before, yet smart enough to know that a magic wand isn't going to fix everything and is encouraging me in the way that I need to be encouraged to start taking the right steps towards fixing myself.
I just can't stop crying.
This is all I ever wanted.
This is exactly what I've needed the last 6 years of my life.
Tomorrow and all this weekend he's going to be in Corvallis, so he's invited me to come over to where he is everyday and just do stuff. Like, tomorrow night he's invited me to come cook with him and then take me along with him to his dancing class.
Then he's going to be moving to Portland sooner than thought, and I've gotten an extended invitation to come up anytime, as I please, and he offered to pay for all of the gas (even though I'd feel bad about it, but he's insisted that he'd really not mind at all).
Most importantly though, he's reassured me that he really truly cares and he isn't getting frustrated, fed up or being totally not understanding of me like my mum and his dad are. He's reassured me that he just isn't talking with me about all of this because he feels sorry for me, that he's truly interested in my well being and wants to help in anyway possible. He's reassured me that he really does like hanging out with me and talking to me, especially since we don't do it enough.
Somebody in real life is finally taking a genuine and active interest in showing that they really do care. I've been so happy that I've been bawling my eyes out all night. You have no idea. This is all I've ever really wanted, somebody real to care about me and be sensitive about what I'm going through since I've never had that before, yet smart enough to know that a magic wand isn't going to fix everything and is encouraging me in the way that I need to be encouraged to start taking the right steps towards fixing myself.
I just can't stop crying.
This is all I ever wanted.
This is exactly what I've needed the last 6 years of my life.