I'm in an awkward situation

[Furn_93]

Right, well basically, there's a guy I feel real intense feelings for, and have done for about 2 years now. In early year 10, we became real good friends. However, in Feb last year, I came out to him as bi and told him what I felt. He coped with it, but we ended up having lots of arguments about everything and basically hated each other. I tried to mend it in April, but failed.
So anyway, the year passed and nothing. In July he talked a little to me at a drama festival, but nothing else, still blocked on MSN and the like. Then, a few days before xmas he unblocks me on MSN and just says 'hey'. We talked a few times scantily over xmas, and then he started saying hey everyday about a week ago. We've had about 3 real good convos about just stuff really.
And then, a week ago, he just lost most enthusiasm in talking to me. He still says hey everyday, but just... all he says after a while to me is 'yer' and 'lol'. I know that isn't because he has many people to talk to. I just don't know why. He looks at me every now and then at school, and I catch him every now and then glancing at me... but ugh I just have no idea what to make of the situation. Help?

[Patchy]

Maybe he's just having bother understanding the situation,

seems like he was coping with it then suddenly he starts going through a bad patch again, what to do is possibly re-establish connections with him and see if you can sort out the lose ends cause I'm sure if you sat down and made sure he's clear that being bi won't change your friendship he will act normally again

hope this helps :)

[Furn_93]

yeah... but you know I feel bad that he's not making the effort in convos. I blocked him on msn in case we have a bad convo, which would do more bad than good. All i'm trying to do atm is get the good friendship back, so he's less likely to flip out if I ask him about his sexuality.

[Furn_93]

Is it really that hard a situation?? :S

[Trickster]

Well broken bridges take time to repair. What exactly were u arguing about? That a good issue.
He probably just trying to get into it, and be cool with it. Then suddenly you start having arguments, it kinda a bad sign when u drop a big bomb and then the after shock of it is devestating.
If he not making an effort you gotta make twice the effort, just keep trying. See him in the hall say hi, dont wait for him. If it really comes down to you try alot, you just ask "Is there a problem between me and you?" Being blunt with a question can give you a str8 answer. But use caution and dont just drop it heavy, be nice.
If you want ur friend back this bad, then you gotta try no matter how futile it seems

[PuppetPrince]

give it time, i mean friendships come and go. but if he actually means something to you , i would just start low as in continue those lil IM's and work up. If you jst countine those arguments you will wont get anywhere. He might just wanna be friends again and doing the same thing or nervous or something. i hope i helped. ;)

[rsc4life]

Sounds to me as If he is figuring out what he is too. I'd give him a bitnof time.

[byee]

Sex (or sexual feelings) often get in the way, they change things. Especially when the 2 people have different thoughts about it!

I think your friend doesn't really feel towards you as you do him, and he's ambivalent about continuing a relationship with you. He liked you, but as a friend. Your admission to him might have upset him, and he withdrew. However, he still remembers the platonic friend you were, so he tried to contact you. Maybe he's now reminded of that other *stuff* and is withdrawing again.

There's always that risk when revealing that part of yourself to someone based more on arousal or attraction, rather than actual attachment (which is more recriprocal). Give him some sapce, and when you talk with him or see him, be extra careful to keep those *other* feelings under wraps, as he's not interested. Maybe if he doesn't pick up on those other vibes he can reconnect with you as a platonic friend.

[Furn_93]

To clear things up, we argued about a party, and then it stopped, but over the week we started attacking each other, and apparently I really hurt him, but I guess being a guy, he just didn't show it? Obviously he hurt me, but I was sorta beyond the point where I thought recovery was possible, so I attacked him.
IAMSAM seemed to get it pretty right. I was expecting to feel really sad at the thought of him not liking me... but i'm not.
I've unblocked him, but he isn't on for the weekend...
But anyway, I feel all of you are right. rsc4life was probably a little true. Whenever he was asked 'so are you gay/straight?' he'd never give a straight answer. Once he said to me 'once I thought about being gay, but I didn't think i'd like a cock up my ass'... I dunno if he was serious or if that helps but...

Yeah lol

[Axellance]

if you lay off all the sexual stuff and just be his friend it will hopefully pass, he probably is conflicted about his own feelings about you, he is obviously willing to try if he says hi to you on a daily basis, just because you don't have passionate conversations with him doesn't mean he isn't trying, try to talk about the things you would have talked about before you told him. he probably just isn't sure how to act around you because he thinks you wont want to do the same things now.

[Furn_93]

So what should I do?

Talk to him and wait till he's enthusiastic again?
Tell him I don't have feelings for him anymore? (which isn't completely true)
Talk to him, but wait until we're sturdy friends and then talk about the whole thing sensibly, with no risk of him going nuts?

[Furn_93]

Ok, well I just got a bit of a shock


He just gave me a massive blank on msn... he said g2g on msn and didn't log off until about 15 mins later...


HELP

[byee]

I think you need some more info from him before jumping to conclusions or feeling really rejected. Your need to be close with him is causing you to overreact to every thing he does, and in the absence of some context (the info), you not only cannot respond, but you're going crazy, too.

We don't know why he did the MSN blank, but one thing's for sure: He's agreeing to talk with you. Your history with him is complicated, it might be best to use IM to make a plan to meet with him to talk this all over. In person. Don't get into it online.

If you can arrange that, it would be best to try to put the past in it's historical context ("This happened, but it's over"), discuss your wish to maintain the type of friendship you had *before*, emphasis on before you came out to him.

If he cannot meet with you, then, sadly, you have your answer. Some people cannot get beyond certain things, and you have to accpet it and let go.

[Furn_93]

Well today I had a bit of a breakthrough, I started to get over him... like 'poof' and I felt a whole lot different. Dunno what did it, but know I just don't care about him nearly as much. I was thinking 'ohhh no what if he.... wait, so what? Screw him!'

So yeah. I really don't love him proper anymore, more would like to be friends, but if I never do... so what?

If anyone knows why, please tell me as while i'm happy, I don't really know what happened.

Thanks for your help guys, you may have just saved my life!

[Lifeguard18]

This is kind of happening with me right now

[Furn_93]

Really? Well, if you wanna talk about it, PM me :)

[Stark]

He's probably just finding it hard to cope with the situation.

[Furn_93]

hah well now, he's stopped talking to me completely.