I have no idea what I should do...

[Brandon639]

[Rant type thing]

Hiya everyone.

Okay, this is probably going to sound totally weird, but please, go with it.

As some of you probably know, I'm not afraid to admit that I'm gay online. I'm completely accepting and proud of who I am. But recently, I've been wanting to more and more tell people from my school, ect. Mostly because of the crap I currently go through.

A day doesn't go by that I'm not told I'm gay, or a (excuse my derogatory language) "fag" or that I wanna have sex with guys and crap. Right now, all I can do is deny it. I mean its true, but I don't want people to know, but at the same time I do. I do because I think maybe there is a slight chance that if I where to tell them, they would stop seeing it like that. A while ago when I decided to tell a few close friends (I've since said I was wrong, just to keep it my secret again) I was very surprised by the reaction I got: They where totally accepting and actually didn't care at all. And these where from some of the people that appear the most homophobic people out there.

Do you see where this is coming from? I want to tell people, and probably should just get it over with. But lately, there has been so much stress going on in my life that its making me physically ill.

I just don't know what to do. Should I? Or not?

[/end rant]

[Oblivion]

Well, Brandon, you are 14.
Its fine to want to come out, and its good actually, but really you have your whole life to figure yourself out, and then tell people how you feel.
It seems you feel very strongly that you are gay, but what if you are wrong?
It would be devastating if you told everyone you were gay then changed your mind.

So my suggestion is that you wait- say 1-3 years -and figure out for sure what you are inside.
Then tell people, and be proud.

Or, if you absolutely know for sure, I'd say go for it. If you are already being teased, I can't see how it can get much worse. At least they would see the truth and know a little bit more about you. They may realize what they were doing was wrong. But then again, most kids don't think that much for themselves. Its the trend to hate on people with different sexualities, and kids follow trends. You may be better or worse off.

Either way, good luck Brandon :)

[Brandon639]

Thanks for replying!

Your right, I do have a while to think about it, and to make sure I really am gay. But theres actually a few other points to this I forgot to mention:

Im moving soon. The divorce, I would be moving away. So really, if I find out I was wrong, or the harassment gets worse, I dont have to much to lose. Im not to sure I will even finish my freshman year here. So really, I have nothing to lose... I'm really trying to get my mom to do something about the situation between her and my dad (different story, different thread, different time) and she actually looked at a house today about a city away. It would bring me to a new school district. So if I didnt want people to know, I would have a entirely new "park to play in" so to speak.

But to be honest, I really am 99% sure I'm gay.

Still unsure what I should do.

[Oblivion]

No problem :)

As of the new info:
You are right. You don't have much to lose. You are being bullied as it is, and you are also moving. It could still turn out for the better, but if it doesn't, you'll be moving anyways. Its like a trial. If it goes well, you might go into your new school fresh and ready to be accepted.

[Brandon639]

Mmmmkay... Im still going to think about it for a little bit... I would be releasing it in a myspace blog (bleh) because I want to to spread slowly. Im not just going to go up to people and be like "Hi my name is Brandon, and I'm gay!"

Unless someone has a better idea? I think the myspace thing is good because really, only a few people would see it, then they would direct people to it and so on. Plus, I wouldn't have to deal with the immediate reactions.

[Cloud]

this may sound daft but people who may be saying this stuff to you may also be gay or some randoms in the school so if u come out about it people will follow you and also come out about there sexuality therefore making the bullying stop and people being more comfortable with there sexuality. dno if this helped but you never know what can happen

[Brandon639]

I was kinda thinking the same thing: Im bound to not be the only gay guy in my school. Maybe i can get people to do the same as me :)

[Cloud]

like the pied piper but your not gonna kidnap children lol. just make them come out about them selves and tbh i think thats what alot of schools need. Just so people in my school stop being so homophibic (and if u are sensitive about things stop calling you gay for it) i get the temptations just to shout im gay(but im straight btw) just so people will know they aint the only one and also come out about it then no homofobic commentors.

[Brandon639]

I'm going to type up a sample blog that I would post and post it here so you all can see it first. :)

[Oblivion]

Sounds good :)
Also, if I were you, I would make it so you have to approve comments once you post in on myspace. Otherwise, you might get some... Unfavorable feedback.

[Brandon639]

Here it is, its not posted yet, and Im still debating when to post it, if I post it tonight, it will be out by tomorrow:

Hi everyone.

This is the most personal thing I have ever told anyone, and its going out in public.

Im going to probably lose a lot of people close to me simply by posting this. Im still the same person I was before you started reading this, I haven't changed any. If I lose you because of what you are about to read, then I know you wouldn't be there when I really needed you. If you are low enough to not be someones friend, and be there to support them, when you find out who they love, then your a low, shallow, heartless person that I don't want in my life.

You all make your little jabs here and there. Call me gay one day, broke back becker the next, sometimes you call me a fag.

If only you knew.

My name is Brandon, and I'm homosexual, and if you have a problem with it, I dont give a damn.

(I've left my comments open, they don't need to be approved because I don't care what you leave for me. I know that the people that truly love me, will be there to support me.)

/end blog entry.

I know you all will be here to support me, so I will survive. :)

[Oblivion]

Sounds good. Im glad your coming out.
It might help if you direct them to this site?
It could. But it might make you seem even 'weirder'
Good luck whatever you do :)

[Brandon639]

Thanks for all your advice. It really helps!

[mr.sexy_bomb]

since i came out to the school on 8th grade is way better i mean you see who your real friends r and u make new friends and you feel like there aint nothing to hide

[Brandon639]

I'm going to post it at about 6am eastern time, right before school. I want just one more normal day of school.

[byee]

Brandon, you might want to ask yourself what it is you hope to gain by sharing this, and what the actual chances are of that happening, of this info being received the way you need it to be. Be honest with yourself, too, you know the people involved, and you can probably guestimate what the response will likely be. Try to seperate your need to believe what it would be like from what it actually would be, too.

I understand the need for acceptance, and the desire to unburden yourself of this 'secret'. However, the goal here is to gain the support and acceptance of those who you share this most very personal *stuff* with. The last thing you need is for the opposite to happen, to basically be exposed to those who are insensitive and unfeeling and use this against against you.

Typically, most 14 year olds don't handle this type of info real well, they're too insecure themselves to tolerate that kind of major difference, and it tends to be pretty ugly. Your experienece might be diff., and I'm sure *others* have had a better experience. But, if your classmates already are teasing you in the absence of any admission on your part, we can only imagine what they'd do if they got the confirmation.

Maybe a good compromise is to share yourself with just a few very close, very safe friends who you know will be discreet and respect your privacy. It's sad that you might have to do this, but given the overall environment of HS as you're describing it, it might be the safer route.

[Brandon639]

Well, I completely see where your comming from. But to be hnest, it's not for acceptance, I know I'm not going to get that, at least not from many. Honestly, I don't know what I would gain from doing this. Like Nick said, it can't get much worse. I guess I'm going out on a limb here, a weak one at that.

[byee]

Oh, Brandon, it CAN get much worse! Confirming your sexuality to a bunch of mean spirited, insecure 14 y/o's can make things much worse for you. It's wishful thinking on your part that admitting it would get them to back off, there is no evidence that these people have the sensitivity or understanding or acceptance to do that.

Rethink that logic, OK? The best thing you can do to get them to stop (maybe) is to either ignore it, or just let it roll off, maybe use some humor, or some combo of the 2.

[Brandon639]

I decided today it would be in my best interest not to go through with posting this blog. I realized that there is no gain from doing so.

I did however tell one close friend. One that is accepting. One that likes me for who I am, not who I love. :)

[Cloud]

Good on you dude. cant beat proper friends(unless u use a stick lol) but yeah good decision

[NightHawksr71]

I decided today it would be in my best interest not to go through with posting this blog. I realized that there is no gain from doing so.

I did however tell one close friend. One that is accepting. One that likes me for who I am, not who I love. :)

If you did go through with the blog post. my advice would've been to tell your parents in person. they probably would have appreciated the gesture more than finding out from a teacher or kid at your school Or a post on Myspace.

When/If you do decide to tell your parents in person. it will probably make it easier for them to take. As well as giving you more confidence.

Good luck mate.

[Brandon639]

Yeah, that is what I would do. I would tell them in person, just as I did my close friend. :) They need to hear that kinda thing in person. And good thing is, I know my mom is very accepting.

[NightHawksr71]

Yeah, that is what I would do. I would tell them in person, just as I did my close friend. :) They need to hear that kinda thing in person. And good thing is, I know my mom is very accepting.

Thats good, your mum being accepting would certainly make it a lot easier for you.

If you like, why don't you post up your experiences to help others that are thinking about coming out and need a confidence booster or some tips on coming out.

Hope whatever you decide goes well.

[Brandon639]

I will, I'll post a blog when everything happens. There is still a chance I could post the blog, but I'm not certain.

I will either update this thread or post a new one depending on how long passes before everything happens.

[Θάνατος]

Well, I completely see where your coming from. But to be honest, it's not for acceptance, I know I'm not going to get that, at least not from many. Honestly, I don't know what I would gain from doing this. Like Nick said, it can't get much worse. I guess I'm going out on a limb here, a weak one at that.

I agree it can get worse you can lose all of your friends. I came out last year and my friends at school basically told me to fuck off. I was a jock and had to shower after practices so everyone thought I was in there showering to get free looks at the while they were showering.

I am the same person that I was before I came out but they don't seem to see it that way.

I don't see why you want you want to put your self through this abuse unless you absolutely have to.

[Brandon639]

I'm sorry that happens to you. I really understand what would happen. I really don't know why I want to... I just have an urge to do it, but I know it wouldn't be in my best interest, so Im keeping my mouth shut.