How do I _actually_ meet/introduce myself to someone?

[Jean Poutine]

I have the hugest problems with actually introducing myself to people, or at least not looking completely weird.

I'm a very silent person and I usually "speak" with hand and head motions. For example, when someone greets me, I greet them back with a quick nod. I don't know how I look like when I do this (distant, asshole-ish, whatever) but it's what I do and is a part of how I am. I just don't like wasting saliva when a simple gesture will do.

Of course when the conversation extends to something more, I'll speak, but I keep words to a minimum. I prefer to listen and drop a "yes" or "no" when asked a question, or better yet, making the appropriate head motion. I'm a minimalist, that's how I am.

Now, I'm quite lonely and I'd appreciate having a girlfriend. So I'm on the market, sure I'm not looking very hard because I never put much effort in anything, but I do look a little. However, I'm also shy as hell and I absolutely hate making first steps, so I figured I had the perfect plan and I thought I'd let girls come to me. I'm pretty smart, I'm not ugly and I don't stink, so what could go wrong right?

The problem is that I do not have "it", "it" being the art of looking friendly. I'm not a naturally expressive person so I tend to be stone-faced. I rarely smile since I hate smiling for nothing.

The other problem is that everything I've just shared is part of my condition. I have Asperger's syndrome (or perhaps more accurately, PDD-NOS), which basically means I'm bad with people. The coldness is part of the diagnostic. So are the interesting verbal characteristics (for me it's monotone speech and a lack of verbosity). So is being shy and anxious around people. So it's not really a matter of "you know what you're doing wrong so just do it right". I can't. However weird it might seem, my brain isn't wired that way.

So to recapitulate, if you're a lady, imagine that you think this one guy looks cute and everytime you say "hi", you're answered with a head nod, and when you attempt anything more, the guy just listens and answers "yes" or "no" with a completely flat, monotone voice (or any other monosyllable). His face stays completely emotionless all the time and you don't see him smile once. He never looks into your eyes once (another symptom, believe it or not).

You're talking to me. I bet it doesn't make you want to date me. And that's my predicament. I can't change that but I need to hide it.

So what I'm asking for, are there any methods to make my symptoms less apparent? Or, you know, any way to NOT scare off the ladies that do make an effort to come speak to me? Should I just be honest about being special? What can I do to make them accept me as I am on the first few impressions?

I dunno. I just want to meet someone but my specialness is getting in the way. I just want it to not be in the way anymore.

EDIT : I just want to clarify that I'm not being gratuitiously mean or uninterested. I'm not disrespectful or anything like that. I can be very nice when given the chance, and I am usually very courteous in actions towards women (being raised by two of 'em gives you an idea of gallantry). My trouble comes with getting that chance. I'm simply a very withdrawn, stoic person, and it's part of my condition. I need to find a way to make my little special brain wiring to affect my love life less. I'm slightly fed up with loneliness, but I feel that as long as I am withdrawn as I am, eveything I attempt is an non-issue.

[mr.sexy_bomb]

ok so just act normal be your self and nice start with a hey and then move on to names then something about you and then start a combo

[Callwaiting]

I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but you could try to start off small. For example when you meet random people (not necessarily girls) you could give a short "hi" instead of a nod, which will make you seem *way* more open to talk to.

Coincidentally I've been reading a book about Aspergers lately, and apparently with voice training/behavioural therapy you can reduce the symptoms to a very minimal degree. But as of now, you could try telling people that you have aspergers so they don't think you're being rude to them and they act more patient towards you.

Hope I could help!

Ps. you should check out a book called 'Look me in the eye' - it's about a guy growing up with asbergers before the syndrome was officially recognised, it's a really interesting read :)

[byee]

Start wasting the saliva, Jason.

You've gotten into the habit of saying and doing as little as possible socially, and it's become a part of you that might need to be exorcised. Practice using your words to express yourself, start using language more. Force yourself to make eye contact and smile, and talk with people in complete sentences. You obviously have the ability to be rather articulate, so it's not a skills deficit here, it's motivational. Motivation can be consciously changed.

As you get more accustomed to talking with people and interacting in a more prosocial way, it'll seem less awkward and more natural, you just need more practice.

[jjmcray]

Well, I suggest you start answering people with a "Hi (name)" instead of just "Hi" or "yes" or a nod. Saying their name definitely makes a difference and makes them feel like you are a little closer to them.

[Jean Poutine]

I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but you could try to start off small. For example when you meet random people (not necessarily girls) you could give a short "hi" instead of a nod, which will make you seem *way* more open to talk to.

Coincidentally I've been reading a book about Aspergers lately, and apparently with voice training/behavioural therapy you can reduce the symptoms to a very minimal degree. But as of now, you could try telling people that you have aspergers so they don't think you're being rude to them and they act more patient towards you.

Hope I could help!

Ps. you should check out a book called 'Look me in the eye' - it's about a guy growing up with asbergers before the syndrome was officially recognised, it's a really interesting read :)
It's funny that you mention that book because I wasn't diagnosed until I was 17. That dude and I are pretty much in the same situation. I'll keep an eye out for that book.

Wouldn't it be weird if a dude you're talking to told you he was autistic? God I should almost wear a MedicAlert bracer.

Start wasting the saliva, Jason.

You've gotten into the habit of saying and doing as little as possible socially, and it's become a part of you that might need to be exorcised. Practice using your words to express yourself, start using language more. Force yourself to make eye contact and smile, and talk with people in complete sentences. You obviously have the ability to be rather articulate, so it's not a skills deficit here, it's motivational. Motivation can be consciously changed.

As you get more accustomed to talking with people and interacting in a more prosocial way, it'll seem less awkward and more natural, you just need more practice.
I'll try, and I've tried before, but I always come back to how I act originally. It seems to be a very hard habit to drive off.

Thanks for the suggestions brahs. keep 'em coming plox?

[AllThatIsLeft]

hmmi wonder. i am pretty much like you, it's hard for me to meet people. i say as little as possible too, but i do smile. but ppl usually stay away from me, becuase i honestly don't know what to say most of the times and when i do talk is just awkward.

i would let ppl know of your situation, and that you are actually a nice kid with a especial quality.

[Jean Poutine]

So I had to speak in English class today.

As luck would have it, we were supposed to do a group activity which had you ask question to someone else and introduce him or her.

As luck would have it, I was late. So, well, I was stuck with introducing myself.

And, well, I kinda said I was autistic. Oops. Well, not really oops.

To be honest it felt kinda liberating. I took the time to resume what the heck I was talking about. It's relieving to know people know and won't think I'm simply being mean.

I wonder if it'll change anything in that class. I'll try sampling 2 classes where people know and 2 classes where people don't. I wanna see if something will change.