problem from the past:confused:

[Halibut]

Ok so alot has been going down this past year. my parents are divorcing and seperated for almost a year. my dad used to be abuse but then he smartend up and is amazing. my mom has depressino and had a kid when she was 17. so now she is having her party days now and i dont want to live with her. i have been living with my dad for like 5 months now and he is my bestfriend but like i said he used to be abusive. he is no longer at all. even when he did hit me i would have to push him alot and argue alot. but the thing is we have never really talked about it. i know its the past and its tottaly diffrent now but i feel i should bring it up for us to talk about..but then i feel guilty and wrong and like i shoudlnt because i think it should stay in the past and i have no idea how he would react to me bringing it up/... what should i do:confused:

[Zephyr]

If it helps you get over it hun, bring it up. If your dad's really made such a wonderful change, then I'm sure he'll be fine with talking about it, by all means = ]

I had a similar situation with my mum. She used to be neglectful to me, but changed completely. We sat down and talked about it, and she apologized to me for being that way.

[byee]

I agree with Steph here.

Also, there's this misconception that if we bring up things from the past that somehow we're bringing it into the present. This is untrue, it's the memories and feelings that we're bringing up, which are current. The actual experience, the behaviors, remain in the past.

The best way to rid yourself of the feelings and the uncertainty that the memories cause for you is to address them with your dad. This doesn't need to be an accusatory convo, but one where you acknowledge what's gone on, an appreciation of his changed behvior, and a desire to keep it that way.

People look for reassurance all the time, esp. with those they're dependent on, like your dad, who you're living with. As Steph rightly notes, if' he's been able to make these difficult changes within himself, he should have no difficulty providing the reassurance you need to feel safe living with him.