xkawaiiblackparadex
January 12th, 2009, 10:37 PM
I used to have a n account on here, but I forgot all my information. And I was okay for awhile so I didn't really need it..
Well, now, as of last night, I'm a cutter again.
It was because I couldn't leave the acne alone, on my shoulders.So I got so mad at myself and I cut right below my left wrist. Just until it bled, I didn't go too deep.
And gah. I felt even worse after that. I mean while I was doing it of coures, I was kinda happy. But afterwards there was this guuilt I felt. I mean, mmmk this is going to involve My Chemical Romance.. umm.. I have posteres pretty much surrounding my bed. While I was cutting I could not face them. I know they're just pictures. I think. But it's like, I felt so guilty because My Chem kind of taught me that there are other ways to vent and that you don't have to resort to self-harm. Here's this band I look up to a lot, and here I am again, getting pissed at myself over something stupid and hurting myself over it. I looked at one of the posters and almost effing cried. And I had to apologize as if it was the real Gerard Way watching me do that horrible act.
Isn't that stupid of me? that whole mindset? I don't effing know what to do now. I mean today I've fluctuated moods quite a lot but most of the day I've been very happy, except this morning and now. Hm. I hate when I do something stupid like this. Sorry that was long.
Well, now, as of last night, I'm a cutter again.
It was because I couldn't leave the acne alone, on my shoulders.So I got so mad at myself and I cut right below my left wrist. Just until it bled, I didn't go too deep.
And gah. I felt even worse after that. I mean while I was doing it of coures, I was kinda happy. But afterwards there was this guuilt I felt. I mean, mmmk this is going to involve My Chemical Romance.. umm.. I have posteres pretty much surrounding my bed. While I was cutting I could not face them. I know they're just pictures. I think. But it's like, I felt so guilty because My Chem kind of taught me that there are other ways to vent and that you don't have to resort to self-harm. Here's this band I look up to a lot, and here I am again, getting pissed at myself over something stupid and hurting myself over it. I looked at one of the posters and almost effing cried. And I had to apologize as if it was the real Gerard Way watching me do that horrible act.
Isn't that stupid of me? that whole mindset? I don't effing know what to do now. I mean today I've fluctuated moods quite a lot but most of the day I've been very happy, except this morning and now. Hm. I hate when I do something stupid like this. Sorry that was long.