mmyeah...x_O

[eikookmi]

My moods seem to change frequently lately. Mostly on my surroundings and the people around me.
Like if anything bothers me or gets me aggravated i start getting all mad and depressed and want to like harm myself. And it even happened at school once around lunch and my friends could see something was wrong but i just kept quiet and they continued whatever they were doing. Which was better because if i said anything i'd start acting bitchy towards them. But like a lot of the times it comes just so randomly and it seems like any little thing sparks it.

I even told this to a friend like the day after and she acted worried and truthfully told me that i have some sort of condition. Zzz there's probably something messed up in there.

But the thing is. Well if i even classify myself as having "depression". Like most people who have depression, they've gone through a hardship or death of someone. The thing is, i've gone through nothing and for any normal person my life would be good. So i don't understand why im like this. It's like im just here. Trying not to harm myself anymore just for people. Just so i don't have to deal with their reactions when they eventually find out or even possibly see. And most of the time i'm just sick of fighting back my urges but my conscious and self control take over and i dont.

I seriously feel like i don't need help. But at the same time i do?
And honestly im scared to even get help. I can handle telling my parents for help, they've offered before when they found out i cut. But i also feel like what if there's nothing wrong with me...and i literally have nothing to tell them. The only thing i have to say is that i feel kind of lifeless. unmotivated. having all of these moodswings lately. And it started probably around a year ago. There's nothing that like caused it. It just came and stayed.

Anyways i don't want to ramble on and on. I'm not sure what im asking. I forgot what the purpose of this was.

[Ruiner]

Rambling is good for the soul.
I can relate to a few things you're saying there... Something tiny, or nothing at all, setting you off.
And a lot of people (including myself) have seemingly good lives and still get depressed. Often people go through things because they were depressed in the first place. I know saying this may not make any difference, but don't beat yourself up about that too much. It can only make things worse.
If you ever feel like a chat feel free to message me, and I hope (though I doubt it did) this reply makes you feel marginally better.

[eikookmi]

If you ever feel like a chat feel free to message me, and I hope (though I doubt it did) this reply makes you feel marginally better.

A little. But i'm not beating myself up over it. It just happens.

[Callwaiting]

The point is it shouldn't happen, and you shouldn't have to deal with it at all.
It's very unhealthy in the long term to just accept something which is making you unhappy and stressed, and since you feel comfortable talking to your parents I'd suggest that you do so. They could get you a few sessions with a counseller and take it from there. You'll be a whole lot happier when you have someone to guide you along the path to happiness, trust me :) .

Like Ruiner said - A traumatizing experience or abuse aren't needed to cause depression, it can happen to anybody, and there are a thousand causes.
Maybe it's stress, pressure from refraining from self-harming, self-esteem issues stemming from scars, you get the idea.

So I'd suggest talking to your parents and seeing a counseller, because nobody needs to accept constant emptiness and unhappiness as a part of their life.

Anyway if you feel you need someone to have a chat with about absoloutely anything at all, just give me a buzz :)

[eikookmi]

But there are seriously times where i feel like im fine and going to someone seems so ridiculous. But then there are times when i desperately need help.

zzzz yeah