trust!

[thiscityisdead]

would you trust someone that stabbed you in the back twice? hes a friend known him since 3rd grade but im sick of his shit.

thanks in advance to people who reply =]]

[sonia]

no
i woudint wana get hurt

[byee]

Intention.

There's a diff btw'n someone doing something that hurts, but that's unintentional, and something that's done purposely to hurt. If it's the former, i'd cut them some slack. Sometimes, people can do the most amazingly stupid things out of lack of awareness. But, people make mistakes. Point out the mistake, and most people apologize and make sure they don't repeat it.

If it's the latter, that's a diff story. If someone went out of their way to purposely hurt you, then i think it wise to protect yourself. The task is to determine which category the action falls under, and to do that, you have to keep your emotion out of it and assess the intentions of the other person, perhaps by having a calm convo about it and find out why they did it.

[thiscityisdead]

Intention.If it's the latter, that's a diff story. If someone went out of their way to purposely hurt you, then i think it wise to protect yourself. The task is to determine which category the action falls under, and to do that, you have to keep your emotion out of it and assess the intentions of the other person, perhaps by having a calm convo about it and find out why they did it.

it was on purpose, i told him something and he told my g/f when he shouldnt of told her anything, hes done the same thing before on purpose.

[byee]

I'm assuming that he knew from you that he shouldnlt tell, right? you're not assuming that he just should have known, right? there's a diff, you know. what seems pretty clear to you might not necessarily be so clear to him, and if you didnlt make it really clear, then maybe he felt it was Ok. Remember, people can do some very exceptionally stupid things when left to their own devices!

If you TOLD him not to tell, then you might proceed with caution here, at the very least, let him know how angry and burned you feel by his lack of regard for your wishes. If you did NOT tell him directly, then in the future you know you need to b/c he's not good at figuring these things out for himself.

[thiscityisdead]

I'm assuming that he knew from you that he shouldnlt tell, right? you're not assuming that he just should have known, right? there's a diff, you know. what seems pretty clear to you might not necessarily be so clear to him, and if you didnlt make it really clear, then maybe he felt it was Ok. Remember, people can do some very exceptionally stupid things when left to their own devices!

If you TOLD him not to tell, then you might proceed with caution here, at the very least, let him know how angry and burned you feel by his lack of regard for your wishes. If you did NOT tell him directly, then in the future you know you need to b/c he's not good at figuring these things out for himself.

i didnt tell him not to tell, but i mean cmon its like goin against man code here...its just something you dont do.

[byee]

Shhhhh......some man too stupid to know man code.

I know this sounds incredible, but you should never underestimate the potential of some otherwise reasonable people and good friends to completely mess something up by blabbering. it's not necessarily backstabbing, it's just, well, immaturity. Some people cannot control the urge to tell something juicy to someone else, it gives them some attention and a sense of higher standing in the other person's eyes. In the lack of clear direction from the source (you), they just can't seem to realize where their loylities are, and how to exercise good judgement.

It sounds like in spite of this guy's lack of good judgement, there's something about him you like, and you don't exactly want to throw him under the bus. so, i'd recommend talking with him frankly about all this, what he's done, and how it bothers you and that ypou need him to be more discreet. See what he says. And maybe choose not to share the juicy stuff with him.

[Hyper]

Anyone who stabs anyone the back even once shows how he/she really is on the inside.. And that he/she doesn't truly understand/value friendships

People can change yes, but you shouldn't get hurt voluntarily

[thiscityisdead]

Shhhhh......some man too stupid to know man code.

I know this sounds incredible, but you should never underestimate the potential of some otherwise reasonable people and good friends to completely mess something up by blabbering. it's not necessarily backstabbing, it's just, well, immaturity. Some people cannot control the urge to tell something juicy to someone else, it gives them some attention and a sense of higher standing in the other person's eyes. In the lack of clear direction from the source (you), they just can't seem to realize where their loylities are, and how to exercise good judgement.

It sounds like in spite of this guy's lack of good judgement, there's something about him you like, and you don't exactly want to throw him under the bus. so, i'd recommend talking with him frankly about all this, what he's done, and how it bothers you and that ypou need him to be more discreet. See what he says. And maybe choose not to share the juicy stuff with him.

ehh...i dont necessarily hate him but im sick of his useless shit, hes a nerd and im like complete opposites, idk why were even friends but if anything i wont tell him anything, i did try this once before and he told my g/f somethung he wasnt supposed to...so im in like a lose lose situation.

[Camazotz]

ehh...i dont necessarily hate him but im sick of his useless shit, hes a nerd and im like complete opposites, idk why were even friends but if anything i wont tell him anything, i did try this once before and he told my g/f somethung he wasnt supposed to...so im in like a lose lose situation.

I'm confused. It sounds like you hate him already, in which case, you shouldn't be friends. And no offense, but you already said that you did not make it clear to not tell your girlfriend. If you can't trust him, stop being his friends. But even if there's that one chance you can trust him, remain friends and tell him you don't appreciate him telling your girlfriend. He will say sorry, and you tell him that from now on, if you want to keep secrets, make it clear.

[AllThatIsLeft]

Idk if i'm right here, but guys can be just as gossipy as girls. If he has twice told something he shouldn't have just refrain from telling him such important things.

Always safe than sorry.

Now if you choose to remain his friend that a decision you need to make based on the facts and your own feelings.

[mr.sexy_bomb]

no i wouldnt trust them no more

[Atonement]

History is the best predictor of the future.

[Halibut]

how badly did he stab you in the back.
I dont htink i would trust him but ya it depends on what he did

[thiscityisdead]

how badly did he stab you in the back.
I dont htink i would trust him but ya it depends on what he did

alrite well he pretty much told my g/f that i might have sex with another person n he misinterpreted it, when i wasnt goin to do that at all, this has happened once before where he opened his mouth to my g/f, idk i talked to him two days ago (my comp was down yesterday) n he said he was sorry n wants my trust back....but you cant regain trust overnight. im confused on what to do with him.

[Requin]

At least you told him....

I expect he feels bad about it now....so don't pressurise him any further or bully him. That's the least that he wants.

But good luck.

[byee]

Good for you for telling him, and good for him for getting the message and apologizing! The way to get someone's trust back (or to start trusting them again) is to tell him very specifically what it is he needs to do now. Yeah, I know 'Guy rule', but also remember that 'Some guy too stupid to know guy rule', and tell him clearly and specifically what you need here, like "Don't tell people anything I tell you unless I specifically say it's OK to do so, OK?" Then be veeeery careful what you tell him, nothing juicy or that could get you into trouble, and give it some time.

[Perseus]

Maybe he's just jealous and wants to break yall up, but 3's always the charm. So see what happens.

[Cindex]

Sounds like he found fun in screwing with you. He may not have realized how bad it might mess things up for you.

Honestly, I wouldn't tell him anything of any importance anymore.

[thiscityisdead]

Maybe he's just jealous and wants to break yall up, but 3's always the charm. So see what happens.


actually i never thought about it, untill now, but i think he did/does/watever, like ive been with the same girl for the last two incidents and she trusts me, but i remember him tellin me that he liked her n wanted to get with her, but i didnt put two n two together till you posted lol, thanks now you got me worried that hes gonna do it again...prolly just my mind screwin with me.

well thanks to everyone else. =]]