Zephyr
January 10th, 2009, 02:31 AM
So today my psychologist finally got to talking about emotions themselves and we explored where they're coming from.
Evidently there's this 12/13 year old part of my brain and then there's the 18 year old me and they conflict. The child part of the brain is bringing up repressed memories and throwing a depressed fits and convincing my 18 year old self that things haven't changed and whatnot.
And this may explain a few weeks ago, when I was talking to Stephen on MSN, when I was experiencing some serious Deja Vu... I felt like I was still 13/14 years old in EVERY aspect and couldn't snap out of it for hours. It was pretty scary to be honest.
So over the next couple weeks until my next appointment, my 'homework' is to record these thoughts in a journal exactly as they come when I'm getting depressed and feel like self-harming, and we're going to analyze it next time I go in.
We're having trouble getting to some exact root that he's looking for through talking and me trying to find them, so he thinks that he can find what he's looking for in these thoughts that I have in the moment that I have them. Hopefully he'll find what he's looking for when these two parts of my brain are conflicting with each other.
We discovered today that this 12/13 year old part of me is the part that has trouble talking about things, and this is the dominant part when I'm depressed/anxious and all of those other feelings inbetween. The 18 year old of my brain tries to rationalize with the child, but the child tends to take over due to so many repressed memories from my parent's divorce, being emotionally and mentally neglected and some other stuff that I'd rather not get into.
Anywho... this is my progress.
Evidently there's this 12/13 year old part of my brain and then there's the 18 year old me and they conflict. The child part of the brain is bringing up repressed memories and throwing a depressed fits and convincing my 18 year old self that things haven't changed and whatnot.
And this may explain a few weeks ago, when I was talking to Stephen on MSN, when I was experiencing some serious Deja Vu... I felt like I was still 13/14 years old in EVERY aspect and couldn't snap out of it for hours. It was pretty scary to be honest.
So over the next couple weeks until my next appointment, my 'homework' is to record these thoughts in a journal exactly as they come when I'm getting depressed and feel like self-harming, and we're going to analyze it next time I go in.
We're having trouble getting to some exact root that he's looking for through talking and me trying to find them, so he thinks that he can find what he's looking for in these thoughts that I have in the moment that I have them. Hopefully he'll find what he's looking for when these two parts of my brain are conflicting with each other.
We discovered today that this 12/13 year old part of me is the part that has trouble talking about things, and this is the dominant part when I'm depressed/anxious and all of those other feelings inbetween. The 18 year old of my brain tries to rationalize with the child, but the child tends to take over due to so many repressed memories from my parent's divorce, being emotionally and mentally neglected and some other stuff that I'd rather not get into.
Anywho... this is my progress.