Jealous friend... I have no idea what to do.

[Lady_Chaos]

I have recently acquired a BF :wub: (well, we've been going out since the beginning of December.) and my BESTEST FRIEND has a problem with it. :(

Here are the problems:

1.) She is texting me constantly telling me how shes balling her eyes out because I have a BF and she doesn't. She has major jelly issues and I really don't know how to make it easier for her.

2.) She also doesn't like to share me. She takes me away from other people when I want to talk to them and ta be honest, shes kinda abusive when it comes to me having other friends.

3.) She has been constantly nagging me about not being able to hang out with me and when my BF and I have offered for her to come with us sometime she has declined.

4.) I keep telling her that we all need to sit down and have a talk -- away from school and away from the drama, but she doesn't understand the importance of my BF being there.

5.) She came up with this brilliant idea that I could have my BF for the rest of this year and then when I go to High school and he's still in Jr. High she will get to have me. I thought this was an awesome idea. Until she countered in the possibility of me still dating my BF or even dating another guy. (I personally think/hope that I will still be dating the same guy -- not that its really important to my story) And that made her say "Just forget it! I'll never be able to have you back! Why don't we just end it now?"

I had considered that but I don't know if that is the best decision.

I love her like a sister (and a bit more but that's 'sides the point) and I don't want to lose her. But I don't know what to do. Plz help.

[Burnthecity]

If shes really your best friend, then she wouldnt have a problem with you being happy. you need to talk to her and just be like, if your really my best friend, then why are you acting this way, why dont you want me to be happy

have you ever thought of trying to hook her up with a guy. mabye then shell be happy and you can both double date :)

well thats my advice, hope it helped

[Gumleaf]

thats a difficult situation, but its not healthy for your friend or you for her to be this clingy to you. the friendship you have and the bond you two share is obviously really important to her and it appears that she feels threatened that this strong bond will weaken because you have another important person in your life that takes up some of the time that she would have spent with you. its a sensitive situation, i know, but at the same time you may need to be a little selfish here. your friend needs to realise that although being close to you is great, that she needs to expand her horizons a bit and make other friends that she can do stuff with and not just concentrate on you. but i'm sure you already know that you need to be careful here otherwise she might get offended. but either way, this can't continue because it will only get worse if you allow it to.

[Lady_Chaos]

have you ever thought of trying to hook her up with a guy. mabye then shell be happy and you can both double date :)


many people have tried to set her up with a guy.. it just doesnt work... she shows no attraction towards any guy at my school.... My BF and I have discussed the possibility that she has sexual preferences besides the so often called "norm" (I dont see anything wrong with it considering i am attracted to both sexes) i am kinda scared that she may be attracted to me...


I know that this has to stop im just not sure I have the heart to tell her that i truly love my BF and that she needs to stop being so clingy... because in her mind friends come before Boyfriends... I would agree with that if it werent for the fact that I LOVE him... I will try my best to end all these problems soon...

[byee]

(One of the many things I really like about VT is how insightful, helpful, and downright accurate so many are! Hear hear, Lou!).

I think your besty has some issues with sharing and letting go which probably go beyond you and your b/f. As Lou accurately and succintly put it, we always want our friends to be happy. That she's putting her needs first here really indicates that she's got other issues.

I think you're entitled to a life outside the one with her, and that includes other people. When guys are oinvolved, it's a bit more complicated, b/c it's more exclusive, it's really mostly btw'n the 2 of you. It's an adjustment, but most make it, esp. if there's still time set aside for them. You might want to make sure that's been arranged and secured.

Other than that, providing reassurance about your feelings about her and your friendship, as well as agreeing when you guys will hang out, it's really her responsibility to deal with those other *issues* of possessiveness. Friends have a responsibility to nurture those relationships, but they do not have a responsibility to make the other person accept their choice, or address other *issues* that aren't caused primarily by them.

[Oblivion]

The best way to go, in my opinion, is sitting down with her and talking to her.
You have to tell her that you will be dating guys, through high school and beyond, likely until you marry. She has to deal with not always having you, because honestly in high school, and especially college+ you won't always be there. As Stephen said, it's not healthy to be so clingy, she shouldn't need you all the time. And it's not healthy for you either, to have someone always at the back of your mind, changing your decisions, to benefit them. You have to life your life, and let her live hers. Of course they will be intertwined, because you are best friends; but she needs to be able to live by herself.

Its definitely not the easy way out, but most of the time its better to take the hard way out, and do it right the first time.

[Camazotz]

The best way to go, in my opinion, is sitting down with her and talking to her.
You have to tell her that you will be dating guys, through high school and beyond, likely until you marry. She has to deal with not always having you, because honestly in high school, and especially college+ you won't always be there. As Stephen said, it's not healthy to be so clingy, she shouldn't need you all the time. And it's not healthy for you either, to have someone always at the back of your mind, changing your decisions, to benefit them. You have to life your life, and let her live hers. Of course they will be intertwined, because you are best friends; but she needs to be able to live by herself.

Its definitely not the easy way out, but most of the time its better to take the hard way out, and do it right the first time.

I couldn't agree more. Your friend seems to be extremely jealous and clingy. She's clingy because she knows she doesn't have friends like you do. She is self-conscious, which is why she keeps complaining about how you get everything and she gets nothing. Just calmly tell her that she needs to accept that you will be dating, and you can still remain friends, but only if she's willing to compromise and cooperate.

[Halibut]

is she really your friend. sounds like she has emotional issues. she should go talk to someone. or maybe tlel her yourself thatyou cant stand what she is doing

[Lady_Chaos]

Ive told her that shes getting annoying. and then today my BF went and told her EVERYTHING, the part where shes annoying, how i dont like it, how it makes me feel, how i really dont want to be her friend anymore, and so i just told her that everything he said was true and we arent friends anymore.

[IBeRunnin]

Ive told her that shes getting annoying. and then today my BF went and told her EVERYTHING, the part where shes annoying, how i dont like it, how it makes me feel, how i really dont want to be her friend anymore, and so i just told her that everything he said was true and we arent friends anymore. Personally, I've dealt with a best friend like that. I was in fourth grade, though, a boys were not a part of the issue. Me and her are cool, but are no longer best friends. Anyway, I feel almost as if your boyfriend intruded on an issue that really, in the end, had nothing to do with him. That was between you and your friend, and I wish you would've tried sitting down and really just talked to her about what's going on without getting confrontational.

But if you are happy/content with the way things are now, then do you. :yes: