Some advice needed

[Reaper]

Im brand new on these forums, but Im looking for some help regarding a girl that I met on new years eve. Ill tell you pretty much the story so far :P

I have always been shy, Im not shy about my appearance, just shy in general thinking that Im always going to look an idiot at anything I say. This has always kind of prevented me from even making friends with girls, and needless to say I have had a bad track record on relationships, but I do have a lot of guy friends. So anyways, at a party on new years, I had had a few drinks, my confidence was boosted. This girl comes up to me who I previously didnt know. We chatted for a bit and then started to dance. Gradually eventually we started kissing, and it went from there..

The next day she added me on facebook and we started chatting. At this point I had already decided that I really liked her, and wanted to get to know her a bit better. I started chatting to her on msn and she gave me her number. I told her straight up that I liked her and would like to get to know her better and she said the same.

We have been chatting every day since, either by text or on msn and my liking for her increased more to the point where I start to think about her most of the time. We dont go to the same college so contact can be a little hard. Yesterday we were chatting as usual and the topic came onto a film that is about to come out in the cinema. She said she wanted to see it and my instinct was to ask her to see it.. she said yes.

The problem I have is every so often she will seemingly completely ignore me. If I text her she can suddenly not text me back at all. Also, when I asked her recently if she was going to come on msn later she said she would and then never signed on but I could see she had been on facebook at around that time. Its making me feel pretty uneasy and with my low confidence I keep thinking the worse, that I am annoying her, that she doesnt want to speak to me etc.. Another problem I have is that she keeps mentioning to me friends that are boys, which Im not sure she would do if she was feeling the same way as I was. For example, she would text "I went to town with so and so".

I know that Im being a bit OTT seeing as I have only really known her for just over a week, but I have never felt about someone this way before and its really getting to me.

What Im looking for is, from what I have said do you reckon she is interested in me, or just going along to not offend me?


Sorry for being so long winded :P

[AutumnDae]

I have told people in the past that I was going to be online at a certain time, and then either completely forgot or had to do something else.

As for the texts go, maybe she wasn't where she got service, or again, was doing something else.

It seems that she is interested, in at least being friends. Which is the way you should go before trying to start a relationship.

See how the movie goes, and keep being friends with her. Don't overpower her with text messages or chatting on MSN. It will seem like you are obsessed then.

[Reaper]

I have told people in the past that I was going to be online at a certain time, and then either completely forgot or had to do something else.

As for the texts go, maybe she wasn't where she got service, or again, was doing something else.

It seems that she is interested, in at least being friends. Which is the way you should go before trying to start a relationship.

See how the movie goes, and keep being friends with her. Don't overpower her with text messages or chatting on MSN. It will seem like you are obsessed then.

Thanks for that :wub:

I am trying not to overpower her at all. Sometimes I see her come on and just sit and wait for her to message me first or wait for her to text me first. I only really speak when Im spoken to.

Also, she just invited me to a party this friday. I hope this is a step in the right direction :)

[AutumnDae]

That's great! It's obvious she wants to have some sort of a relationship with you.

But after a few minutes of waiting for her to message you, you could always message her. She may be doing the same thing you are.

[Reaper]

That's great! It's obvious she wants to have some sort of a relationship with you.

But after a few minutes of waiting for her to message you, you could always message her. She may be doing the same thing you are.


Thanks. :yummy:

I know this sounds a bit silly but I really dont want to hit the friend zone. I have a lot of friends but havent had anyone who I really look forward to talking to or seeing for too long and my feelings for this particular girl are much above anyone that Ive ever known before.
I think it would properly cut me up inside even if it were just to end up as friendship.

[AutumnDae]

It may start as a friendship, but it might not END as a friendship.

You two gotta be friends before boyfriend/girlfriend with one another. You need to know each other before you two get all romantic with one another.

[byee]

I agree (as usual) with our all around good chica, Autumn. But let me add my male perspective.

I think there's this vulnerability when we like someone, we expose a part of ourselves that's both exciting and hopeful,yet at the same time, leaves us more open to getting disappointed. So, we tend to hang on every word and gesture, and, any lack thereof. We tend to overanalyze and overinterpret things, in an attempt to feel less vulnerable. But, in the process, we draw the wrong conclusions. Maybe this is going on here.

Seperate your own anxieties from the info you're getting from her: She's telling you outright that she likes you and that she's wanting to, and looking forward to, spending more time with you. That means she likes you. Period.

That she's not immediately texting you back or MSNing you first is really your own anxiety at work here. I'd respond more to the actual data she;s giving you, rather than your own internal grinding. So, that means recognizing that there might be some very good reasons she cannot txt you back, and for gosh sakes, if someone you really like is on MSN, contact them first....why waste time?

As you get more into the relationship, your anxiety will dissipate as your fears are replaced with much more data from her, it might be too soon right now to feel confident. But, give it time, let it unfold, and try not to overanalyze things. Right now, your assessment of her behaviors is likely incorrect, anyway.

[Reaper]

That makes sense.

Thanks alot for the help

[Reaper]

I want to get close to her at the party on friday.

Considering the circumstances.. what does anyone think might be a good strategy?

[Gumleaf]

I want to get close to her at the party on friday.

Considering the circumstances.. what does anyone think might be a good strategy?

depending on your exact definition of close, i would suggest the first thing you do is talk to her, or put yourself in a position where you can talk to her. if its a dancing sort of party, maybe you could ask her to dance? if not, then talking to her would be a good step.