at the crossroads

[Gumleaf]

so today is exactly a month until my birthday, joanne (my gf) reminded me of that. anyways, she then asked me if wanted to have a party because she would help organise it. its funny though, nobody usually gives a damn about my birthday, mainly because of the bad memories it brings back to me and my family.

i shared my birthday with my grandpa. i remember spending my birthday when i was younger having a small party with friends and then at night having a small family party. i would sit on my grandpa's lap and we would blow the candles out together. those are some great memories. but everything changed a few years ago. he died, and when he did die, it was on our birthday.

since then i haven't viewed my birthday in the same way. rather then being a time to celebrate, its instead a time to remember how long since he died and since then my birthday has felt, well, tainted i guess. its weird though, i still want people to make a fuss on my birthday and make me feel happy and special and stuff, but at the same time i feel like by doing something like a party is wrong. idk.

so anyways, jo asked me today if i wanted a party and i told her i wanted no fuss. but she can read me like a book and told me that i do want a fuss, because anyone who says they don't want a fuss really do. well in this case its kinda true, but idk if i should or not. my birthday isn't something to celebrate. in fact i'm more likely to cry then to be happy. i don't think its right for me to be happy. its like i'm celebrating his death, its not right!

maybe i'm just overreacting or something? but i do know if some people don't make a fuss i will be sad and disappointed on the inside although i won't show it on the outside. this is just weird and stupid, but yeah, idk. so i really don't know if i should have a party or not and thats before i even start to think about who i would invite and what we would do. but knowing joanne and how much she cares and worries about me she will definetly want to do something for me so yeah.

[Callwaiting]

My personal opinion is that you should have a party!!
(warning incoming cliche) I'm sure your grandpa would want you to have fun on your birthday! Heck, you could even put a few candles on the cake for him and have a moment of silence in his memory or something.

So I say enjoy yourself!

[Rutherford The Brave]

I'm a big fan of having my friends around me, parties, well not so much. Still Noor threw me a party this year, it was great. Whatever suits you best Stephen, if you want a party then go have a blast. If a party isn't exactly what you want then ask to do something liek go out to dinner.

[Sapphire]

Anniversaries are always hard. But, it is your birthday too. You should allow yourself to remember your Grandad and to have a good time. I'm sure he'd be there smiling down on you all as you enjoy yourselves. Reverence and enjoyment can co-exist if you allow them.

[Gumleaf]

yeah, idk. i'm thinking of the pros and cons of a party right now. but i know i'm going to have it because joanne will organise it anyways. she said everyone deserves to be happy and enjoy their birthdays, and i guess she is right. so it looks like its going to happen. what we'll do though i don't really know. i'm sure my parents would pay for some of it at least, but i'm afraid it will suck because i don't have many friends and nobody will turn up and stuff. anyways, yeah, thanks for your responses, i know you're all right.

[Θάνατος]

I agree Stephen you deserve to be happy and celebrate your birthday. I do know how you feel about sharing a birthday. My half sister is 7 days and one day younger than me. So I have always had to share my birthday with

I did like the idea of putting candles on the cake for your grand father. Look at it this way you are not celebrating his death but you are still celebrating both of your birthdays he is just not here to celebrate with you any more.

You have a right to be happy, have fun with your friends and family celebrating your birthday.

I am glad that Jo is organizing a party for you.

[AutumnDae]

I don't know your grandfather, but obviously he had a special bond with you. He would have wanted you to be happy right? Not upset?

You could have it a few days before/after your actual birthday to relieve some of your mourning for your grandfather. That might help a bit, right?

[RaisingSand]

Everyone dies, everything has its time, Stephen. And while it's sad that your grandad did die, do you really think he'd want you moping around on your birthday? You guys shared some brilliant times together, and I bet that's what he'd prefer you to remember. So, just really try and focus on the positive times, even though he's not with you anymore and enjoy yourself. And if you do happen to remember him, remember the happy times; it was his birthday, too, and if I know what grandparents are like, none I know would want their grandchild to be miserable on their birthday. :D

[Sugaree]

You can't let your Grandfather's death affect your birthday. It doesn't matter if you have a party or not. Just think about it. I'm sure your Grandfather loved you to pieces and wouldn't want to see you sad. So, have a celebration. Not a big one, but one that you feel suits your liking.

I personally don't like parties anymore. I just like having my family around me. That's all that makes me happy on my birthday. If your Grandfather were still alive today, I'm sure he'd like to see you happy. Everyone dies at some point and there's nothing to do about it. It's a fact of life and we can't change it. That doesn't mean that it has to stick to us like glue every single day.

Have a little fun on your birthday this year and remember your Grandfather. Since you both shared a birthday, why don't you and your family gather around and have a little prayer or a moment of silence and rememberance of him? I'm sure that would make you feel good.

[Viral Death]

I hope your birthday was great and you had a party I think that you should have fun and that is nice of your gf todo that