I hate my gayness

[///James///]

Since recently, the whole thinking of alex is off, as you know, he is nothing but a hot guy in my class who I once had feelings for.

But the time I would spend stareing into him, is now spent thinking of my gayness.

My friends call me gay for joked. I usually play along but it isnt until after the joke is said and done, its when it gets to me. If I say it before they get going, or lke if I go "Thats not funny", they go, "O But it is funny other times" I just hate it

Then half way through speaking I realise how gay I am sounding, and thenn I realise the way I'm standing or something. Its like, K I am looking very gay now.

I really really hate it

[redcar]

:hug: i know how you feel, i used to be like that, it can be a royal pain in the ass but u will get over it, trust me u will.

[kolte]

james, your a great guy, don't be ashamed of who you are, cuz your all that and a bag of chips to me.

[Anonymous]

James, I know exactly how you feel. It is an extremely awkward feeling and it's like only us Gay/Bi men feel this way. I hate when I say soemthing feminine! It makes me feels so stupid.
Hang in there buddy. Your not alone!

[///James///]

thanks everyone, i know like others wen they see my story on this, they say im not alone, and for some reason i felt alone. its the whole pain of friends not knowing, then again they arent really friends are they? i know im goin off the track a bit, but like my friends i dnt feel are my friends, hence why i dont want them to know im gay

gayneess rules but blows alot! i hate my feminimity, its a major pain

[Waiting]

dont hide it
embrace it
and if u want to hide it
act as gay as u possiby can
believe me
im gay in school, i pretend to make out wiht my friends, we bascally have sex in the corridors
but no-one evr calls me gay

nobody suspects the obvious person

[///James///]

ur lucky patch!

like in the past four days, some total chavs of guys have been coming up to me, imitating a gay voice "hiiiiii jaaammmeessss" and stroking my back. and asking me out. ermm i just say na. but in art i played along and went scarlet!

meh tnx tho

[[email protected]//]

yeah rele dont be ashamed of who u r

[Φρανκομβριτ]

Babe, YOU ARE GAY. That id just who you are. You shouldn't be ashamed to be yourself. Yes sometimes it's a pain in the ass, but we all have to go through it aty some point.

[what the?]

dont worry. i dont give two shits about what think about me, or for that matter, whether they think im gay or not. how they feel about you shouldnt influence how you feel about yourself. they wanna piss you off, dont let them. so what if they think your gay? plenty of people think im gay, i just brush them aside. dont pay the fucktards any attention cos thats what they want. dont worry about it ok? good :)

[what the?]

you know you love being gay really anyway?! its part of who you are, and you should never hate yourself. so dont!

[<-Dying_to_Live->]

i dont like it either james but theres nothing we can do. suck it up

[///James///]

but you dont rly like to go on about it, your just like im gay i hate it. im gay, i usually love it, thats the thing. recently it has been a pain in the ass, since i really only noticed how fucking gay i act at times! its the whole sterotypical gay guy thats kinda being implanted into me, and i dont want it like that. its just like, this is the gay: stage 2 entitled getting over acceptence and denying it :roll:

[redcar]

i think i am at the stage, i am gay dam fucking proud, cause theres no fun in being str8 and i wouldnt really care if people found ouy.

[Trademarked]

[quote="redcar"] and i wouldnt really care if people found ouy.[/quote

yeah seriously, im just waiting for somebody to find out and just be like "chris, i think you're gay" and i'll be like, "so what if i am?"

[redcar]

yea i will be like, 'dam straight biatch!!!'

[Trademarked]

i would deffinently say that except for the part where i say "biatch" part, i'd be like, "FO SHIZZLE MA NIZZLE!!!"


oh and james im sorry if you feel that way, but i think that you just need to admit it to yourself that YOU ARE GAY. everybody needs to get over it and just keep living.
let it go and just be your self.

[kevin]

Stop trying to conform to what other people say you should be, it's your life, and you're you. You can't change that. Stop worrying about what they're saying. Just life you life, it's short. You have to have fun while you have it.

[///James///]

thanks everyone

erm i have considdered coming out completly. but there are alot of knackers in my year (or as many would know them as, chavs or commoners).

IDK should i come out completly? (and in another term, should i remain alive!) or should i continue to bottle all this shit in?

[redcar]

thanks everyone

erm i have considdered coming out completly. but there are alot of knackers in my year (or as many would know them as, chavs or commoners).

IDK should i come out completly? (and in another term, should i remain alive!) or should i continue to bottle all this shit in?

i know you may want to but i would strongly advise you not to. at least not now. you are in 3rd year half way through school, people could make the rest of your schooling hell, u may think its bad now but it would get worse a lot worse. but thats just my opinion

[///James///]

thats what im thinking too, its god with one person knowing but fuck its hard to keep it to myself even with my friends with me

[kevin]

Plus, you're a teenager, you don't know where your going to be in ten years, you might be a completely different person.

[kolte]

I'm sayin, this is just me, if people are acting like that, its a good chance they know you are in the closet. I mean, when some people call you gay, its just to piss you off, but I wouldnt doubt that some people really thought you were gay. God I wish I was still in public school, better yet, any of yalls schools were you were being made fun of. I used to kick ass in shchool man. Nobody called me gay, never. They might have called me a name or two, but nothing more. you know why. I had my group of friends that would never judge me and would allways be there for me. And they were the ones that I hung out with everyday. I also Had a group of friends in the stoner area. All the stoners were my friends, I could hang out with them when ever, and then I had a group of friends in the EXtreamly popular strong joke guys. I didnt hang out with them much, but somtimes they would come over and hang with my group. but that gave me protection. I could talk as much shit as I wanted when people were fucking with me, but I had like, so many friends backing me up that I didnt worry about getting beat up. Thats what you gott do james. You have to make more friends. Talk to people that are popular, stoners, skaters, etc. Don't feel bound to a group of people your not even sure are your true friends. Go out into the world that is your school, and talk to different people, show them how great and how nice and how cool you really are. when you don't talk to people, they will make up threw rumors etc. what They want to think about you. so do yourself a favour and make some friends hun, its for the best.

[///James///]

thanks boht of you i know what your saying.

just to let you know, my group of friends are realy the only ones who understand me and care about me. and they are a mix of all three and then there are the ones of each who i aint friends with::
the popular ones are total whores and 2 faced bitches

the stoners wouldnt understand me becouse of well im doing honours in 9/10 subjects and the stoners in my school are not one bit intelligent at all, they see me as a total nerd

the skaters well the skaters hate me. they dont agree with my taste in music. one has held a gruge against me since the second week of september becouse i liked mcr, then he found out i liked funeral for a friend (another band for those who dont know) and he went ballistic.

to add to that, i dont want to be attacted to a group. An example of this is one girl who seems ok but she kinda mixes with the messers, the stoners and the populars. one or two of her teachers at the PT meetings said "she hangs around with scum". so erm na.

my friends are good to me. we have a laugh about stuff, heck 2 of them are Bi anyway, but they are girls so a bi girl= hot in many peoples eyes.

it blows

[JoeFizzcle]

erm i have considdered coming out completly. but there are alot of knackers in my year (or as many would know them as, chavs or commoners).

I know COMPLETLEY how you feel. That's the only reason why I'm not coming out completely yet. I'm just keeping it close with my friends.

[Trademarked]

well as i said before just wait for the right time and only tell your closest friends.
and also as you said before. the skaters hate you because of your music. if you know music then you might know one of Audioslave's song "Be yourself".
the exact line is "to be yourself is all that you can do"
just be yourself and let people realize that you are who you are and dont try to change that.
:)

[Destructive]

ya like just wait till it feels right for u if there good friends they shouldent care.