tempting..

[Fiending_the_freedom]

I don't know...
at the moment,
i really, really want to cut.

I'm so tired of fighting the urge.
i want the urge to go away.
if not for the pain.
The reminder that i'm not good enough to quit this.

then to see the blood.
just the thought of seeing it running down my skin is so tempting.

God, i feel so fucked up.

[byee]

One word: Therapy.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

i've tried many different therapy places.
doesn't help me, and also can never be completely honest with them because if i tell them i want to cut, they'll tell my dad and send me to live at the hospital

[byee]

Tegan keep trying! It takes a while to find the right therapist, they're all not the same. One of the first questions you might ask them (after you tell them your history) is how comfortable they are hearing about your THOUGHTS of cutting, and if they can differentiate them from your actual PLANS or ACTIONS of cutting. You might need a very highly trained, very specialized therapist who has the confidence in their judgement to know the difference, and you'd have to trust that judgement to protect you if you're in danger of crossing over that line.

Therapy seems like a really good idea, you sound like you've been thru a lot and simply had enough. A good therapist can get you out of the forest.

[Sapphire]

I don't know...
at the moment,
i really, really want to cut.

I'm so tired of fighting the urge.
i want the urge to go away.
if not for the pain.
The reminder that i'm not good enough to quit this.

then to see the blood.
just the thought of seeing it running down my skin is so tempting.

God, i feel so fucked up.
:hug3:
I know exactly what you mean. I'm struggling with this as well.

But, we are both strong. We can both tackle this. Don't give up!

Try counselling again. It really can help to have someone to talk to about things with.
When you are talking about your thoughts about self-harm, make sure that they know that they are just thoughts. They can't hospitalise you or break confidentiality just because you've been thinking about doing something. They have to believe that you have made plans to do it.

[ShatteredGlass]

God, I am soooo there. It's like "why should i bother not cutting if it looks like i do it ne way?" If my scars had no hope of healing, if i had no chance of every being free of my "freak" label, then i would be a lost cause. I'll give this thing 2 years, if my scars arent healed by then, then i give up. I dont want to be like everyone else. I want to be unique but I DO NOT WANT TO BE "THE FREAK NE MORE! I know it's hard, try this: Make a list of all the benefits if you stop, and then the benefits if you continue. I can only think of one benefit of continuing. "I like it--it makes me feel good" that's the pro to cutting...the cons "I'm hurting my mom, my brother, my sister, I'm being called a freak, my arm's a constant reminder of my failures, I have to lie, I can't keep up my stone wall if i keep tearing it down, Everyone thinks i'm weak, I think i'm weak....and the list goes on...and on...