major threat

[clueless]

Okay. I don't know if this is the right place to post this, but I really need help here. There is a guy, who was a friend up until about 2 weeks before I started dating my girlfriend. He hasn't been much of a friend, and has been a total jerk ever since he came back from vacation this summer. Anyway, we (my girlfriend and I) still hang around him. I don't know why, I would prefer not to have him around at all. But she usually ends up bringing him along in some way. The thing is that 1 week before I started dating her (I started dating her around 4 months ago) he hurt her (physically). Anyway, she, for a long time, has changed things and given things up simply because he said so. She told me the reason yesterday (I would have posted then, but my internet was down). She says she is afraid that if she doesn't keep him in a good mood that he'll hurt her again. He doesn't always say it too her (sometimes he does though), he usually just implies it (ex: you should do this, otherwise somebody might hurt you pretty bad). I really don't want her to have to be afraid of this kid (by the way, he is recently 14. My girlfriend is 13, 14 in a week. I am 15, 16 in a month). I don't know what to do to make all of this stop. I don't think I can get her to just stay away from him of her own free will. Also, they ride the same bus, go to the same school, and the likes (I go to high school, they are still in junior high). So, I guess what I'm asking is for suggestions and ideas on what to do about this situation.

[Sage]

Take initiative. Be a man. Confront him about it (much prefered you do so in a non-physical manner, as that is more respectable.) and tell him you dislike what he's doing. You're bigger than he is.

[byee]

Hey, thanks for the easy question, as I only have a minute now to respond!

Threats of violence are never acceptable, intimidation and menacing behavior need to be reported immediately, esp. when there's a history of violence! So, you need to tell her that what he is doing is not OK, and that you want her to tell her folks ASAP, offer to be there for support. You should NOT confront this bully yourself, you do not have the authority to do so. The goal is to stop the behavior, not match his level of intimidation, which is what your confronting him will do. You need the firepower only a parent can provide here.

Talk with her and plan on helping her tell her folks. If she won't, tell your folks and let them take care of it.

[jjmcray]

Ah... good ole' middle school drama. This is why I prefer not to date girls who haven't/just hit puberty.

Anyway... like the others said, you need to confront HIM, tell him that HE needs to stop, or he's asking for some serious trouble. You're bigger than him, older than him, he should be afraid of you.

[Archer600]

Tell him to back off and if he doesn't then beet the shit out of him. If he doesn't listen to words he will when he has some teeth missing.

[staying_alive]

I'm going to err on the intimidation side. Telling parents etc. never works out because someone rats you out and you look like a pussy. Just use the natural food-chain intimidation (i.e. he's below you in age and size). Tell him to back the hell off your girlfriend.

[TurboDieselBandit]

I agree "stay alive" who said "Tell him to back the hell off your girlfriend." Remember, he has gone seriously wrong and someone MUST correct it or later women could suffer. If he is going to act stupid then you show him what he is, and is not going to say to your gf. If it comes down to it, just cut to the chase and say"look dude, touch her one more time and see if I don't touch you!" AND/OR "I don't know what possessed you to touch her, but do it again and its gonna be a issue between you and me; see if I'm play'in lil boy!"LOL Thats the assertive way that uses fear to correct people, use it wisely as one size does not fit all(situations), it does work though. Lastly, be ready to knock that SOB out only if you need to; you cant be all talk. What ever you do be smart about it, you cant come out any type of way and expect solve the issue.

[AllThatIsLeft]

Do not get into a fight with the guy. warn him first that if he doesn't back off and leave your girlfriend alone it wont be pretty. But if you can help it, do not get physical with him. And if you do, make sure it is the appropriate amount of violence. I am pretty experieced in self-defence, so do not make the first movement towards a fight. You are bigger and if you play your part intimidating enough, he should back off. if he doesn't and your gf (who should keep youposted on everythiing he does that involves her) is threatened physically she should speak to a counsellour or something. usually kids don't like telling, but if its serious it is a must.

[staying_alive]

Well, i must say, i wouldn't threaten and not come through. If you made a threat and he didn't back off, you'd be majorly screwed if you went to counselor. You have to lay down the law with this guy.