Had to let it out.

[WonderingEndlessly]

1234

[Atonement]

For the extreme emotional reactions and mood swings, have you spoken to anyone? Ever tried to communicate with a counselor, teacher, or some other trusted adult?

As for the online friends, you should probably keep a good distance then. I mean, its natural to grow attached to people that show compassion to you, but if you can't handle that attachment in a healthy manner, you shouldn't persure said relationships.

As for the people that call you goth etc. they need to grow up. I am not one to conform to what people want me to do it, but if they make fun of you for wearing black all the time, why wear black? Whats the dedication to it?

Hope all goes well. I highly recommend talking to a school counselor or someone like that.

[Triceratops]

Everything, absolutely everything you said is exactly what I experience in my life. I can completely relate to each word, no joke.

I can cry too easily and too much, even caused by the smallest of things. Lonliess, rejection, insults, being compared, worthlessness, depression are the main ways that make me cry. I cry myself to sleep sometimes, I lock myself in public bathroom cubicles and cry, I hide under my bed or in my closet and cry. I do these no matter how random or inappropriate the time is.

Instead of cutting objects up, I self harm. I have done this for 4-5 years now, barely anyone knowing. I hack at my arms with razors or I burn them. I've tryed lots of different ways. This has caused pain for my close family and friends, but the temptations for my self harming are too strong, it's my guidance and comfort.

And the part where you mentioned the "goth" thing. I've experienced that for a few years as well. When I was around 13 and 14 years old, people wuld always hiss "emo" "goth mosher" "suicidal maniac" and other things like that because I wore a lot of black and listened to plenty of metal music (I went through a phase) but that doesn't make me less of a person, right? Don't get me wrong, I still do wear black and listen to metal but I have blond hair with dark brown underneath and I wear bright colored clothing along with it, depending on my mood. I still get called "emo" and more often "freak" but you know what, I'm used to it. They have no understanding whatsoever and they are totally clueless so therefore they don't count, people like that mean nothing to me.

Someday, we will get through this.
Good luck :)

[Chickenweed]

I do sometimes feel as if I should take out a knife and kill my dad, other times I will hug him and love him. My case is not severe, but I will get pissed off. So I sort of know he it feels like. I'm sorry for what you have to go through, but maybe just try to focus on happy things, or things that male you happy. Play video games more, or hang out with your friends more, or even take walks through a nearby park and take in the peacefulness. I also have internet friends. I feel as if they live in my city and ate my regular friends, but you have to be careful. Stop interacting if you are suspicious.

I hope you like my advice. Good luck.

[WonderingEndlessly]

1234