Dilemma....

[Cindex]

~~Holy &#%$ this is long.... Thank you very much to anyone who actually reads this pathetic little story... I had much more to say but deleted a lot.~~


Alright, so there's these two girls. I'm going to rename them because one of them is a bit of a nerd too. Eve is my best friend. Has been for years. Vanessa is my girlfriend. I fell for her very quickly, but we make each other very happy. She also had a lot of friends turning their backs on her, and I was a shoulder to cry on and a listening ear. I truly care. She was falling apart. And every time we seperated she would start to cry before she even got out the door.

Vanessa's dad recently passed away. She's been gone for about two months, and she's coming back in about 10 days. I thought she was never coming back, but I told her that we'd be together when I found out she was coming back. Her dad was supposed to live.

Before she was going to leave, Vanessa and I were together as much as possible. I'm in 10th and she's in 11th so we didn't have any classes except Chemistry, and we had them at different times anyways. Almost every day we tried to see one another. We never got 'seriously' physical. No hand under her shirt, or on top of it. The farthest I went was grabbing her bottom. I wanted her to know I wasn't just in it for sex, which is what most people thought. (She was considered somewhat of a slut because she had sex with a guy before she moved here. She really wasn't.)

Eve has been my very best friend for a very long time. I know pretty much everything inside her head, and the same for me. Two years ago we went to a camp. Both of us had feelings for each other starting there, but neither wanted to ruin our friendship so we never did anything. This year there's been a few 'movie nights' where a few friends are invited to her house and we watch movies in the basement. Everyone flirts with everyone. We stay innocent though, no kissing or inappropriate touching or anything.

Well a friend and I attacked her once and started tickling her, and she bit me. When we all went home we started a big conversation about it, and we both just broke and told each other. Everything seemed to fall together perfectly. Unfortunately, Vanessa just told me she was coming back. I told her I would be waiting.....

A few days later Eve and I got together and messed around. No details really, but we didn't have sex. We both had the same fantasies. Bondage, domination, blood.... We got drunk at a dance and we snuck out from behind our friends. Excusing ourselves because I 'needed to go home'. I just pretended to stumble around a little. She drove while I teased her for almost two hours.

Reality never hit. I have two girls... Eve wants to keep it up. Her jackass boyfriend left her a while ago and she's looking for someone else. She wants to keep seeing me the way we are if I won't take her as a public girlfriend. She is willing to keep up what we're doing even if I'm with Vanessa.

Vanessa always worried Eve and I had something, but I always denied it. We didn't. But now we do. Now I have three choices.

1) Vanessa. A girl who really needs me. She wasn't really clingy, but I know she won't leave me anytime soon. I know she is really dedicated because she knows about Eve and I's first escapade while she was in Texas. I had a ripped up neck and someone text her about it. She apologized because she couldn't give me that. She told me to go find the girl that I did it with and keep it up because she wasn't back. (Didn't tell her it was Eve.)

2) Eve. Slightly unstable, but someone I love deeply. I literally owe her my life, and if nothing else it's a debt I should pay back. We have an amazing amount of things in common. I'm texting her while writing this and we're again agreeing on things most people wouldn't. We are both also obsessed with vampires. She says to go back to Vanessa, because she thinks I'll be happier.

3) Both. I don't want to. It's morally wrong. The only thing, it wouldn't hurt them. That's my only goal at the moment. Not to hurt the very few people that I love.. If Vanessa found out she'd be devastated. She'd probably move back to Colorado or Texas. If I ditch Eve, it's like I'm abondoning her and our everlasting friendship would be hurt.

4) Not considering this one, but it just makes things complicated. Claudia (renamed) is admitting she never got over me. We dated for almost two years and were in love. She was a wimp though, and caved when her parents found out. She left me and I found Vanessa about four months later at a gathering. Claudia wants me back. I still say I love her. When I say it, I really mean it. There's only four people I will say 'I love you' to besides family. Vanessa, Eve, Claudia, and my brother's girlfriend. (Like a sister). Hurting another person I love just makes this blow even harder!

One, Two, or Three? I'm confused.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

ok so. DO NOT go with option 3. just dont.
dont go with 4. she left you her mistake, go forwards not backwards.
in general you should pick the person you love the most, loves and cares for you the most, the person you get along with and understands you the best.

so going with the fact that i dont know who you love the most,
i would say stay with vanessa, tell eve that you have to stay with vanessa because you love her, and you cant see her at the same time because its not right, and you wouldnt want to see a guy do that to eve, so your not going to do it to your gf. tell eve you were with her first, and you should stay best friends so that you'll never lose that friendship.

[byee]

Is there a choice #4? If not, can I offer it to you?

It's 'none of the above'. None of these relationships sound very wholesome, IMNSHO. Vanessa is likely to need therapy to help her cope with her recent, tragic loss, and without it, she might become very dependent and needy with you. What you're envisioning in that relationship is likely changed pretty dramatically by the sudden death of her father. She needs more than a b/f, people who experience trauma aren't very good in 'new' relationships b/c they're wounded. You should be her friend, you should be her support, you should love her all you can, but I'm not sure this is the time for her to be in a 'relationship', she needs to be cared for in a special way, and she will likely find it difficult to give much back. Be her friend.

Eve and you have an S&M relationship, did I hear that correctly? That you guys get into bondage and bite eachother? Didn't I read the word 'blood' there somewhere? Call me old fashioned, but I frankly don't think that 'Blood' and 'Fun' should ever be used in the same sentence. I don't think this is necessarily something you should be exploring right now. Again, maybe a good friend, certainly an interesting friend, but a relationship? Too much other stuff there.

Claudia is yesterday's relationship. There's a reason why it's yesterday, there's a reason why you guys aren't seeing eachother today. Try to remember what was going on that led to the end. People change, everyone's entitled to a second chance, but they frankly have to earn it, they have to demonstrate real awareness and change, not just nostalgia.

So, my choice for you is 'None of the above'. It sounds like you want to be in a relationship, and these 3 are the easiest. But, are they the best? IDK, I have some doubts here about these choices. Friends? Yes. G/F? Maybe the bar needs to be set higher.

Maybe it's time to get out there and meet new chicas and see what you get and how it feels. Wanting a g/f is a good thing, settling for the easy route doesn't always get you what you want.

Spread your wings.

[Trickster]

Vanessa is in need of someone to cope with and well comfort her. She doesnt seem to be able to literaly live without you. That not a good thing. She has to stand on her own two feet and use her legs, hands even her own teeth if needed to stand up. I understand she is going through a rough time and everything seems to just be just the apocolypse of life for her so you should just cut her out. My own saying is "A friend first a lover later" so you should be there to cope and help her but no romanticaly because she seems to need to find stable ground first.
Eve seems to be a well unstable in her own way. She should understand that what is going on. Yet for me it seems you two are great friends and could be bf and gf yet not now it just doesnt seem right. this moment. I would wait for a little and see where it goes.
Claudia really shouldnt even be here...she doesnt seem a choice just some one who popped up.
DONT EVERY! EVERY CONSIDER going out with both. That leads to fighting, broken promises, broken hearts and maybe a broken head on your body. Dont consider that it just sooo well if you seen the movie John Tucker must die you'd understand fully.
Dont abandon both. Ones need you because of crises the other because well your good friends.
I would be good friend first with both and try to help Vanessa but i think you and Eve seem good together. Best friends make the best bf/gf.

[Archer600]

Wow that sucks...although it makes my love life seem a lot More simple.

[Cindex]

Thank you all very much... I'm really confused...

I wasn't even considering four. It just bugs me. And bugs me that she gets tears in her eyes every time she sees me holding Vanessa.

@Fiending The Freedom
Option 3 is not what I'm hoping for. Or what I want. It's morally wrong. Eve easily understands me the best. She knows pretty much everything. She's also the one knowing the danger that whoever my girlfriend is recieves. I love Eve more, but Vanessa needs me more.

Another thing about Vanessa, she is oddly mentally strong. She always told me when she was sad before. Even when her dad died when we talked she would tell me if she was sad. But she doesn't seem all that sad anymore..... I don't know why...

And Eve, has gone into therapy. She told the therapist she had people to talk to and the therapist told her mother that and let her out after two sessions. She has emotional issues demonstrated by sucking on her thumb. I never saw a problem till she talked to her therapist and researched it a little. Now I see it's something on the inside.

Neither is stable.

@IAMSAM
I'm actually considering yours the most......... Telling them both that niether really needs a boyfriend right now. Just to be good friends and see how life turns it out for us. The only problem is that I won't see Vanessa. We see each other in the morning and walked to each others lockers after school. We were in one small dance + sing group together for the school but we were never together there.

Eve and I kind of do. Not quite slave and master, because we change roles too much... Whoever is on top is usually biting. Definetly not masochists. Possible sadists though. And the thing with the blood is only partially on purpose. Neither one of us is quite totally in touch with reality. We're both obsessed with vampires, but she is much worse. I told her she should practice (I'm a freak, I know.) trying to get through someone's neck because she's slightly squeamish. That happened once, and probably not again. I had a lot of cuts and stuff on my neck and got in a lot of shit.

You also have to understand our mentalities a little. Both of us have been hurt a lot in the past, and neither has much of a family to depend on. The rest of my family is very stupid, comparing, and they all admit it except my father. Who is about the dumbest anyways. Both of us are looking for comfort, and if nothing else a cuddle buddy. Which is what it originally started at.

Again, considering yours the most. They'll both understand and it's true.


@XxNejixX
-Wasn't considering Claudia. It's in the first post somewhere. Just bugs me.

Vanessa does need me, but not quite that much. She's the one holding the family up, including her two older brothers who no longer live with her parents. Everyone sees her as the rock that can't be broken, and she seems to be needing less and less help. Which could also be a horrible sign that she's falling apart on the inside.

Eve and I are wonderful friends. And even after doing this we do all the same stuff the same way. I have NO doubt she loves me. At all. But I think maybe I'm not a real boyfriend candidate as much as a toy to forget about her old boyfriend.

I don't want to. I'm not going to... I'm pretty sure... But it's different from that movie. Eve knows. Vanessa... Would make me stop. If she found out she would tell me to stop and give me another chance. She's just that way. And I'm the same way to her. [I don't want to hear anything about a poor relationship there, I am generally an intelligent person and it's very complicated... Something I can't explain.]

I don't want to abandon both, so that's why I'm thinking IAMSAM's suggestion....


@Archer600
Why yes, yes it does... Haha... My love life was never simple. Although this is the most complicated it's ever been..



@My first post.
I have dependency issues. Told by the school therapist person. So does Eve, told by her therapist.

"The Four" consists of me, one of my male mates, Eve, and another girl. We're all best of friends. And as Sarah, the other friend also renamed, pointed out - We have a very strange relationship. We came up with a modified spin the bottle in school and played it last night at Eve's house. Sarah wasn't overly happy but that's pretty much the farthest she's gone, which is tongue and necking.

When I kissed Eve, it was hard to stop. For her too. One of us always left the other hanging. It wasn't good...


I'm going to see Eve again today at 1. I don't think we'll be doing anything but a Burning Kiss, which doesn't have anything sexual attached to it really. Both of us are always tempted though, and the only person there is her brother. We'll be well away from him and he's not going to know I'm there. Tense situation....

[Fiending_the_freedom]

sorry little off topic, but what do you mean by She has emotional issues demonstrated by sucking on her thumb.?

just because i still suck my thumb XD

[mr.sexy_bomb]

oh you said macy instead of eve so i got you and dont go with option 3

[Cindex]

sorry little off topic, but what do you mean by She has emotional issues demonstrated by sucking on her thumb.?

just because i still suck my thumb XD
In many cases, individuals sucking their thumb have some sort of emotional issue. Eve has dependency.

oh you said ---- instead of eve so i got you and dont go with option 3
I know I just came back to fix it. Please remove her real name... Someone pointed it out at Arg! forums.....

Not planning on it. Went with IAMSAM's suggestion.




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I was with Eve for a while today. I told her when Vanessa came back, I was taking her as a friend to see how it went from there. She was speculative, thinking I was trying not to hurt her feelings. I told her I didn't know if we could keep doing what we were. But we did... Ugh... I can't help myself...

[Camazotz]

I think you should sort out your feelings. Whichever you love more is who you should stay with. Ignore the fact that they both "need" you. Whichever you truly love is the one you should date. If I were in your position, I would stay with Eve. But that's just me.