I Just Want To Give Up...

[chelsay13]

I just can't take it. I want to cut, but i don't. I can't see a therapist, health insurance for some reason doesn't cover it, and my mother already needs a $3000 medical test that she and my dad are considering putting off, just to get me help. Me, I want help and everything, but not at the expense of my mother or even putting my family in debt. But I also know there's no possible way i can make it on my own. I've been trying. So to me, it just seems like the only option I have is to continue cutting, but less, and try to get myself to stop...without help. I already promised my teacher I would try my hardest and get the help I need to stop. I know I'm worrying the crap out of him and my friends. So what am i supposed to do? Just up the help and pretend I'm going to be fine on my own, or put my mom and family at risk?

Honestly, I just want to continue harming myself when I feel like it, but not telling anyone. I just don't think that would work out so well...

[Sunshine Girl]

and No that would not work out so well. but im not sure what i can tell you... if i was in your situation honestly i dont know if i would be strong enough to Not cut. but thats not the right thing to do. I believe you can get help that dosent cost a bunch of money. what about friends? do they know your problem.. maybe they can help. or counslers at school. or idk anything would be better than cutting

[chelsay13]

yeah my friends know, and they're scared to death i might kill myself or put myself in serious danger.
i've talked to our school councilor. it's a bit hard, i've known him for 4 years and i've always been the kind of person to be outgoing and fun and stuff, so it's awkward to talk about with him.

[ShatteredGlass]

Sometimes, it's not about stopping the cutting. Because it will always be there, the want, until u don't feel the hurt that makes u wanna cut. But don't lie, no matter how hard is not to. When you start that one lie, you're gonna have to make excuses for why you need to wear long sleeves in the summer, why ur scars arent healing, why you dont wanna go swimming. Then you'll be trapped in a web of lies and for many ppl, that's just too much. Maybe you should try writing down what the problems are that are making you cut, and one at time try and fix them, or rather not allow them to effect you in such a way. If you want to send me the list, if you decide to try it, then we could try to take baby steps to overcoming each one ([email protected]). And if not, you could try to set aside different days that you WILL NOT cut yourself, and focus on getting through those days one at a time, and then gradually, add more days to that list. Until you have one day set aside each week for cutting. Then put more distance, between each week that's a week with a "cutting" day. Until it's easier. It's kind of like a drug addict, they have to gradually get off the durg or they go in to withdraw, with convulsions, mood swings, irritabilaty etc...it's too much to ask of yourself to stop altogether at once.