not having a good time of it

[dying lullaby]

first of all, before i start whining about myself i would like to say that i am sorry to all of the people here that i feel like i abandond when i left this community a few months ago, i miss you all and alot of you are still in my thoughts.


"what have i become
my sweetest friend?
everyone i know
goes away in the end."
-NIN

i am suffering so much. just not having a good time of it at all. i cut daily again, and i am lying to my friends about it by not telling them. im falling back into my old habits, ie bringing a razor to school and running to the bathroom every few hours to cut my legs and wrists, and im not eating as much as i should, i sleep atleast 14 hours a day - even with school in session, and to top that all off i am feeling suicidal again.

in the past(this time last year) i tried to kill myself twice in a row. one around jan. 20th and that landed me in the hospital for a week, when i got out i tried life for a week or two then tried to off myself again. after taht i realized just how bad i hurt my 2 best friends by doing that so i didnt try again - they're the only reason why i havent tried again but its getting pretty hard to resist the urge to just take a bottle of pills and slip into a hot bath and just drift away. i guess what im trying to say is that i feel exactly like i did last year at this time, like im at the end of my rope and i am just slipping farther down and pretty soon i'm going to fall and, like humpty dumpty, idk who will be able to put me back together again.

i need help and you guys were the only ones who could give me enough to get by in the past, please give me some words of encouragement. some words of advice. some reason why killing myself isnt really worth it.

~Bri

[Kiros]

Bri. It's been soo long since I've seen you on, and I've missed you soo much! I really want to talk to you through IM sometime, so I'll try to get on more for ya! ok? :) But I don't have AIM anymore, so I'll download it sometime soon...

:hug:

I know that you can get through this. What you're feeling must really be hard, but I'll stay with you on this through everything! You have so much to live for already - your family, your friends, VT, the future, and most of all, yourself! And you have so much passion for your friends that you stopped attempting suicide - so your friends have that same passion for you. I remember you once had a quote in your AIM info saying "Even though you might just be one person in this world, you might mean the whole world to just one person." I love this quote, and I'm betting you do too, so please, always remember it. :) And you still always have your life to live for - Anything can happen in your life, but you won't get that chance if you don't continue living it.

Oh, and check your PM's!

We all love you here, so cheer up! :)
I'll talk to ya later!

//KiroS

[-Silence]

Bri..!!
:hug:

Hun, don't forget the end of the song..
"If I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way."
-NIN

Do you know why it's so bad lately?

Don't give up, you can take this, you're a fighter and you can beat this. I know it feels overwhelming but hun you've pushed it away before, whats stoping you now? Think of the bike, if you fall off do you just say fuck it, i don't need to learn how to ride a stupid bike! No, you try and try until you finally do succeed, I know this is much harder than a bike but you're stronger than any razor around, youre stronger than the pills, youre stronger than the depression.

I wish you could see what I see. You're beautiful, very smart, caring, you can relate with people, one of the nicest people that I know, you are so much, to me, to everyone here at VT, but right now the depression, the cutting, fogs up the view so you cant see what the world sees in you. You are amazing. Just think, if you still plan to go into psychology, how much you can help these people. Think about how much that you have felt and have been through, people are going to trust you easily because your not some textbook shrink. Hun, you can help ALOT of people, and maybe that can be one of your motivations for living. Your friends care for you alot, and you care for them alot, youve said this and theyve shown that, you know I bet they'd give anything to see you truely happy, I know I would and, hell, I've never met you. Vt's here for you anytime and I am here for you anytime! Anytime. I'm going to pm you my number and address okay, get in touch with me anytime, mad, happy, sad, even if you just want someone to listen, I listen well. You are never alone in any of this, you have a whole little support group to help you out so you dont break like humpty dumpty.

Take Care and be safe
Love ya
-Heather

[dying lullaby]

wow you guys, your words work wonders. i think i can truthfully say that i am not going to cut tonight, im just going to remember that quote that kiros reminded me of, and i will call Heather if i need to and i will be ok. i had forgotten the support and the help i have gotten from VT in the past - Thankyou for being here guys, it really does mean the world to me.

~bri

[-Silence]

Yeah!! Way to go Bri!

:hug:

[dying lullaby]

i havent cut since i posted that here, i just keep thinking about whta you guys said when ever i feel i'm getting down and i never get to the point where i need to cut

[///James///]

i havent cut since i posted that here, i just keep thinking about whta you guys said when ever i feel i'm getting down and i never get to the point where i need to cut

that is great news. i know i hardly even know you but i felt real sorry for you when i read that above. its great that things look like they are picking up for you xx

[*-tick tock-*]

thats good ma
just keep it up u mean so much to vt and fromt he past ur one of the greatest ppl on here (for real)
i havent been on much either but i cant 4get u!
just keep ur head up and try to do something u like (watch a good movie, and eat ur favorite food) anything to restrain u from the razors. its not worth it ma. u can do it.. i know u can:)

[dying lullaby]

:)

[bottledwater]

Edited by redcar

dont you dare talk to a member like that. thats disguisting.

[bottledwater]

Edited by redcar

once again you are not to talk to a member like that, its disguisting and will not be tolerated.