"If you tell anyone I'll call you a slut"

[Atonement]

Right, so this is probably going to be a novel, so don't start it if you don't plan on commenting. :P

I have this friend... Lets call her Susie for names sake. She has been my best friend since 2nd grade. Really, we were desk partners in our second grade classroom and things just clicked from there. Also, her mom and my mom were best friends, which gave us more oppurtunity to hang out. For names sake, lets call Susie's mom Mrs. Johnson.

So, Susies been through a lot these last few years. Her parents got out of an abusive relationship, got a divorce, she got a little sister, she's had her heart broken, her mom just moved in a complete stranger that she's been seeing for a few months into her home... Etc.

So, now kind of to the present. This summer Mrs. Johnson went into rehab after receiving a DUI. (drunk driving) So, doing as my family tends to do, we took in Susie and Susie's little sister. It all turned out that while Mrs. Johnson was at rehab, Susie would live with us. Over the course of the first week, Susie's dad came with police officers, in my living room, practically forcefully taking the 7-year-old little sister into custody since technically and legally, my mom ahs no rights to them. BUT, in Iowa law, if a child is over the age of 14, there is not a judge in the land that would force her to go somewhere she does not want to.

Susie also has a boyfriend... lets refer to him as Charlie. (I'm enjoying making up names) Charlie is not a healthy relationship for Susie. They have now been together for a year. One time, while in the car to my psychiatrist (three hours away) Susie calls my mom crying. Appearently, Charlie is pressuring her into sex and Susie wants nothing to do with that. Which, if you are a big brother to a little sister, you know the feeling of just wanting to smash someones face in for hurting someone you care about like that. So, I am furious even though I am not part of the conversation, I am in the car while there is this conversation going on and I am not stupid, I can put two and two together and understand whats happened.

So, time goes on. Mrs. Johnson gets home from rehab. Susie goes home, susies's sister comes home. Its all good, right?... No.

Mrs Johnson come to start to resent my mom because Susie has an easier time talking to my mom that her own mom. Which, Mrs. J. and my mom used to be confused for a lesbian couple they were so close. Like, Mrs. J. came and visited me while I was in the psych ward and only immediate family was allowed. We're close. BUT, Mrs. J. had the reaction and got all defensive to my mom. My mom is the kind of woman that if there is something wrong, she will sacrifice a relationship to do what is right. So, Mrs. J. within a few weeks of getting out of treatment, moves a man she met in REHAB into her home with her 15 and 7 year old daughters. My mom is old fashion about somethings, and confronts Mrs. J. Mrs. J. gets pissed off, and thus, the friendship was no more.

Now, up to a few days ago, this is all I knew. Now I know,

Susie and Charlie have been dating just over a year right now. Back in January, in the first few months of their relationship, he hit her. Like, hard angry hit, not just playful fucking around hit. Susie told my mom, but not Mrs. J. So in Augustish, this guy, Charlie at one point, was sitting outside Susie's home in his car calling Susie who is hysterical inside crying. And whats Mrs. J. do? She goes out to the car to comfort Charlie. Susie calls my mom in distress, my mom, who knew about the abuse, picked up my 310 lb, 6'4" brother and decided to go check up on things. Mrs. J. flips out because my mom is "always interrupting our(their) lives". So, my mom just asks Mrs J. if she knows EVERYTHING about the relationship. And my mom lists of things like the sexual pressure, the complications, all this shit, and then asks her if susie told her mom about the abuse. Which she didn't. So by now, Charlie had driven off because my brother had gone to go talk to Charlie and he split. My mom and my brother leave knowing they are unwelcome.

Okay, so now to the very present. Its happened again. He hit her, he's pressuring her, and Susie is taking it. Susie and I are still close, not as close as we used to be, but close. And it even makes me hate Charlie more because his facebook status (so cliche I know) says: "If you tell anyone I'll call you a slut."

So... if that came out clearly... What can I do? I want to interfer, but I can't, I want to beat Charlie with a baseball bat, but I can't... well, I can, but I won't for legality sake. I just am so frustrated because I am everyones older brother that will protect them, and here, I am weaponless. I have no way to help her. And I want to. If I approach her about it, I know her, she will shoot me down in a nanosecond.

Any ideas of what to do to help my bestfriend out of a relationship that isn't healthy? I don't even know what I was trying to ask here anymore, I just wanted to get it all out.

[Burnthecity]

Well seems like you have alot on your plate
lets start simple
your bestfriend is in a abusive relationship
What i would do, is i would go to her, and talk to her, sit her down and talk to her
she may try to shut you down, but if shes your bestfriend, shell atleast let you talk and shell listen, now
about this charlie fellow
your right, you could go a beat him up wiht a baseball bat, but what would that do, just cause alot more drama
and thats the last thing you need right now

you need to talk to susie about this, tell her that she needs to get out of this relationship, its not good for her

if she sais no, and goes on with the relationship, and he keeps abusing her, and presuring her into having sexual intercouse

go to the authroity, tell them exactly what happeneing, if shes your bestfriend shell understand why you did it

you say you have a pyscharatrist (wow i destroyed that word) talk to her, she was she sais to do, she cant tell anyone what you talk about

well thats my advice, if you need anything else, just pm me

hope things get better man

[byee]

Addison, this isn't a novel as much as it is a horror story.

Just as an FYI, we learn what we're exposed to, your Susie has had dreadful role models for realtionships, and not surprisingly, she's unfortunately duplicating in her own life what she's been invilved with in her family. A viscious cycle that should be broken. But, a hard thing to do, esp. as an outsider (or in your case, a loving insider). I think the only solution to this is for you to sit down with her and calmly discuss your perceptions, what you see, and how much ot bothers you for her sake. Then, you have to patiently listen, and see how she reacts, and (hopefully) what you can do to help her break this cycle of repetition.

Sadly, Addison, she might be too close to it to be able to stop it herself, or to allow you to help her. It's the mst frustrating thing in the world to watch someone you care about a lot basically destroy themselves. But, there's just so much you can do.

Talk with her about your observations and concerns, see where it goes from there.

[Camazotz]

First thing is first. Get Susie away from Charlie. Convince her that Charlie is no good, and beg her to stop dating him. Then, you have to help her mom. I think an intervention is in order. Hopefully you can handle all of this.

[Archer600]

Well first u can talk to her about Charlie and if she doesn't listen and keeps going out with him it's not a realy good idea but I would beat the shit out of him at the very least