my bf tried to rape me.

[very_confused]

so i have been with my bf for only 3 weeks, he stays at my house quite a lot though, last night he came over and was drunk. when we went to bed we was kissing, i would normally let him put his hands down my pants but i was on my period so i told him to stop because of that. but he kept trying, then he was sayin come on lets just do it i dont care that you are on your period, so i said to to him no stop it but he kept pulling on my trousers , then he pushed him self on me and pulled my trousers and and pants of, he put his hand over my mouth but i kept struggleing and he finally stopped trying because we heard some one down stairs open the front door, he really scared me and its like it was not him because he is a real nice guy, after i put my trousers back on he hugged me and said he was sorry!... i did not know what to say so i just said ''sorry for what'' and hugged him back, i dont know what to do because i really like him and today i woke up and he was gone!! and he has not been back and its christmas day..i just need some advice please x

[Burnthecity]

First off, i think you need to talk to him about what happened, you need to let him know how you feel about it, let him know it was wrong

then go from there

if its bad, talk to your parents, let them know what happened

Hope this helps

[Oblivion]

Well...
This is tough-
You are going out, so you probably want a sexual relationship
He had a strong urge to have sex, and that is very hard to control.
BUT he should be able to control his urges, when a girl says no,
And be able to stop trying.
He definitely went over the line, not only when he kept trying after you said no, but when he put his hand over your mouth.
Although he said sorry, you have to let him know (if he comes back?) that it is not alright, and he should not do it again.

Also, you say hes a nice guy, and he said sorry afterward (definitely doesnt make up for it, but a good gesture)
I doubt he was trying to hurt you, or rape you, or abuse you, so I personally wouldn't tell the police or anything, especially since he eventually stopped himself. What I would do, is talk to him about it, and if you need to talk to a close friend or parent just to get it out.

[byee]

"Struggling" to get free isn't a part of sex. It's also not a part of a loving relationship. You're correct in feeling violated, his drunken condition or his being a horny guy are no excuses. Booze and hormones dont really 'change' you, they just intensify what's already there. You got a glimpse of that, unplugged.

At the very least, you should talk with him about your feelings about this unfortunate experience, make sure he acknowledges his behavior as well as your need for him to maintain control, and be very wary moving forward. He has shown you a side to himself that you should rightfully be worried about.

[Hyper]

Meh SAM said it.. Booze & hormones don't change you, they just amplify whats there

It'll get worse from here on if you stay with him or the next time he tries he wont stop

[Serenity]

Meh SAM said it.. Booze & hormones don't change you, they just amplify whats there

It'll get worse from here on if you stay with him or the next time he tries he wont stop

Word.

I will always believe that this is absolutely, positively, no questions asked NEVER a situation where "forgive and forget" comes into play. When it comes to sexual harrassment of this nature, there are no second chances or negotiations. Leave him, period. You've only been together a few weeks so I'm willing to bet there aren't any deep emotional connections. Leave him before he gets worse. You forgive him one time, he'll be more insistent the next time. Don't let there be a next time.

[Sapphire]

Stand up to him. Let him know that this is not acceptable. Don't easily accept an apology. Really make him work hard for your forgiveness.

You most probably have caught a glimpse of what's to come in your relationship and need to stamp this out or send him packing. I know what it is like and I know that it won't get any better. You have one up on me when I was in this situation as you recognise that this isn't good and are speaking about it with us. I didn't. I kept quiet and it got worse.

If you want to talk, you can pm me
Hope that you are keeping safe

[Storme]

Honestly, what he did was wrong and the fact that you are supposed to be in a relationship just adds to how wrong it is! Being in a relationship should mean that you treat each other with respect and follow each other's wishes. You didn't want sex and so he should have listened to that straight away and not carried it on any further. I can't force you to do anything but please think seriously about what happened and what you want. You posted this in this forum and the title was that your boyfriend tried to rape you, so you already know it was wrong. Don't wait around to see what else could happen. You deserve to be safe, to be happy and with someone that treats you right.

[Strength]

so i have been with my bf for only 3 weeks, he stays at my house quite a lot though, last night he came over and was drunk. when we went to bed we was kissing, i would normally let him put his hands down my pants but i was on my period so i told him to stop because of that. but he kept trying, then he was sayin come on lets just do it i dont care that you are on your period, so i said to to him no stop it but he kept pulling on my trousers , then he pushed him self on me and pulled my trousers and and pants of, he put his hand over my mouth but i kept struggleing and he finally stopped trying because we heard some one down stairs open the front door, he really scared me and its like it was not him because he is a real nice guy, after i put my trousers back on he hugged me and said he was sorry!... i did not know what to say so i just said ''sorry for what'' and hugged him back, i dont know what to do because i really like him and today i woke up and he was gone!! and he has not been back and its christmas day..i just need some advice please x


It isn't really rape if he didn't commit a sexual act on you...

[Sapphire]

He damn well tried which makes it at least molestation - in reality it was an attempt to r**e her. All of which are illegal and no one should have to experience them.

[ECGBUnni]

Ok, basically everyone's said it. His behavior is inexcusable. Any and all of it.
I'm not going to sugar coat this, because of the severity of the situation.

Dump him.

Someone's said this before, and she was definitively right. Nothing good can come out of this situation. His behavior will probably never change, and next time you might not be as lucky. "Being sorry" for trying to *rape* you is not good enough. There was an intent there to get what *he* wanted without any consideration for your feelings or needs. You have to think to yourself whether that is a characteristic you want in your boyfriend or not. After all, thousands of people get drunk, but they don't try to rape their girlfriends...so I can confidently say that is not in any way "normal."

Please, for your own good, drop this jerk. You can PM me whenever.

[Atonement]

Right, because the OP hasn't logged in since 12-28-08, just after the thread was created, I am going to lock this.

OP: If you want it reopened, PM me.

:locked: