I lost it...

[chelsay13]

After 3 months of not cutting, after I went and talked about it and promised everyone i wouldn't do it again, after i give my speech to my grade about not cutting, after I convince myself its a horrible thing to do, I go and cut myself. Without even thinking about it. Then you know what I did? Went on facebook at 7 o'clock and told my teacher (again) who CALLED MY HOUSE and talked to my parents about therapy. for 4 days i HATED myself, and now...i want to do it again.

No one understands. I tell them i have a problem, they say "its probably just a stage, your grow out of it" and "there's nothing wrong with you, you can just stop. its not a problem". I explained to my parents, teachers, school councilor, EVERYONE and NONE of them understand. I feel so alone. Even though I have that teacher who supports me and is helping me get help to stop, and my friends try to support me and talk to me about it, I STILL feel alone.

I don't feel happy anymore. I don't feel as hyper and outgoing as i was in the beginning of the school year. I feel shy and alone. I am constantly talkign to myself. I feel like a freak! I wish I never did this in the first place...now it's totally screwed up my life.

[Atonement]

I know its hard, I know that its frustrating. BUT, that teacher did the right thing.

I find the quote "now it's totally screwed up my life." quite ironic because this is an oppurtunity to put your life back on track. Everyone trips when growing. You know, two steps forward, one step back, right? Well, this is a step back when you cut, but when your parents found out, its a step forward in getting you the help you need and the things you need to do to help ensure that it doesn't happen again.

[chelsay13]

I know he did the right thing. I sort of knew he would when i told him.
when i said "it totally screwed up my life" i meant it. now there's at least 1 other person with me at ALL times. I can't focus in school because i keep imagining cutting myself. I can't just walk down the hallway and see the happiness in my teacher/friends eyes, all i can see is worry. Its really messed things up.
I know telling my parents helped, but it also made it worse. They took the tool i was using to cut myself away, along with any potential items too. Now i want to do it even more, and i can't seem to figure out why.
uhh, i don't know, i'm just hoping that i can get this sorted out, and get over the problem. I want to be able to walk down the hall at school and see the happiness in my teacher/friends eyes again, and no longer struggle with the slightest things.

[jacknife]

I know he did the right thing. I sort of knew he would when i told him.
when i said "it totally screwed up my life" i meant it. now there's at least 1 other person with me at ALL times. I can't focus in school because i keep imagining cutting myself.
What does cutting do for you? Whatever it helps you achieve, there are other ways to achieve that same feeling - there are many paths to take.

They took the tool i was using to cut myself away, along with any potential items too.
If you really want to stop cutting yourself then it is a decision YOU - not your parents - have to make. This is why your parents simply taking away your "weapon" will not do anything productive for you.

Now i want to do it even more, and i can't seem to figure out why.
Because now it is forbidden fruit. You want it even more because you can't have it.

It's a simple part of human nature: the more you repress a desire the stronger it becomes. Repressing your desire to self-harm won't EVER make it go away; it can only help it grow and become stronger.

Taking away your tool for self-harm won't solve the problem, because the MAIN PROBLEM here, the ROOT of the issue, is not that you cut yourself, it's that you want to cut yourself. So long as you want to cut yourself then you'll never be free from your obsession over it. You could not cut again the rest of your life, but your desire over it would still haunt you.

Remember, cutting isn't the root of the issue. It's just one way of expressing something deeper. You need to take a look at, and understand, that "deeper something" so that you can find other ways to deal with it, rather than cutting or self-harming.

Hence why simply abstaining from self-harm won't solve the problem. Your parents could put you in handcuffs too. Then you'd never be able to use the tool to harm yourself again. But would we have addressed the real issue which is causing these expressions? No. Would we have "cured" you? No. We would have avoided the main issue completely. And the main issue is your desire. THAT is what must be overcome. THAT is the root of everything else.



You need to talk to someone and get help from someone who understands you and who listens to you. Someone you trust and can talk to. Someone who isn't just gonna say "Stop doing that!" and punish you by taking away your tool, but someone who is gonna aid you in finding some other way to express these feelings you have.

Just remember, no matter what anyone EVER tells you, you are in control here. Not your parents. Not your counselor or therapist or what have you. Not some chemical reaction in your brain. Just you. You are strong, you are powerful, and you are valuable. And if there's something you want to do - like stop self-harming - only YOU can do it. You have to commit to it and believe you can do it. Like I believe you can do it. Like your teacher friend believes you can do it.


Hope this helps. :)

[chelsay13]

wow, thanks....you made a good point, it's up to me to stop.

[ShatteredGlass]

I won't say I know exactly[I] how you feel, but i can say i feel almost the completely same way. When i told my 5th grade counselor, she basically gave up on me, or i guess that's how i felt she just recommended see a "real" counselor aka a therapist. I told my mom, and i told her i would stop, and i did, for a time. Then in the 6th grade, I started again and I told my counselor and my mom. And i stopped for a little, but then in the 7th grade i started up again worse than both of the other times put together, most of the damage done i did that year. I talked to my counselor that year once.

My friends, told me to stop, in fact some of them slapped me for every cut i had on my arm, until they couldnt count them. I feel like everyone's already decided that i'm a lost cost, except my mom. Who i hurt more and more every time i do it. It's like no one realizes that i cannot just [I]stop I LIKE it, as twisted as that may sound. When you hate something, you want to harm it. Therefore when i hated myself it only made sense to harm myself. For a time i was proud of it, entirely proud of it. And i wore short-sleeves, y should i care what anyone else thought about it? Except I do, and i can't take back that action and now everyone at my school knows about it. I'm the "emo" kid. Any time someone get into a verbal altercation with someone that's always thrown in my face. "Well, at least i don't cut myself," and what the heck am i suppose to say to that?

It's like i was clean for at least 2 months and honestly, i thought i was done. The only reason being i don't want a deflicted arm the rest of my life. But then i did one. I feel like that will be the way ppl define me the the rest of my life. And I hate it, and even worse, i undoubtedly HATE myself for doing it.

[xhottxrockerxchicx]

I know its hard, I know that its frustrating. BUT, that teacher did the right thing.

I find the quote "now it's totally screwed up my life." quite ironic because this is an oppurtunity to put your life back on track. Everyone trips when growing. You know, two steps forward, one step back, right? Well, this is a step back when you cut, but when your parents found out, its a step forward in getting you the help you need and the things you need to do to help ensure that it doesn't happen again.

look i went through the same thing so i know what ur going through and i understand. so ur not alone ok look here' s what to do. just talk to them and tell them look u need to recgonize the fact that i have a problem. i cant make it go away without ur help.