Lack Of Understanding

[Zephyr]

So my sister dragged me to the mall the other day,
And insisted on playing dress-up with me.

Upon coming out of the dressing room,
She takes one look at my arm and was like,
"You're still doing that?"

I tried explaining to her that it's an addiction,
It works just like drugs in that it releases endorfins and adrenaline,
And makes you feel calm and better.

I also tried telling her that it just doesn't disappear over night.
Just because I moved back home doesn't mean the self-harm will cease,
It doesn't mean that I'm going to stop being depressed.

I don't know if she blew me off or what,
But she wouldn't talk to me for 15 minutes after that,
And just kept on shoving more clothes at me in the dressing room.

This is so hard when you have an entire family who doesn't understand why you do it,
Then brush it under the carpet to avoid the subject all together.

And my psychologist appointments haven't exactly been steady either because every other time it's had to be canceled for whatever reason.

I mean, I fully understand that they can't fix everything.
I have to build the foundation before they can help me,
But this process is proving rather difficult,
Especially when my morale is killed by appointment cancellations.
Some days I'd rather just end it.

I had a good 7-day clean streak until today,
After my dad decided that he should remind me of how horrible I am apparently.

[Sapphire]

:hug3: I am sorry that your sister was less than understanding.
It is difficult for family and friends to understand self-harm though. I know that it is far from ideal but keep it hidden from them and don't talk about it with them. If being open about it causes added stress, it is best to just lead them to believe that you don't do it.

It is not good that appointments with your psychologist keep getting cancelled. Have you tried explaining the effect that it has on you? If they are aware then they may be able to juggle things around so that you don't have as many cancellations.

Sorry that you are feeling so low on Christmas. Hope that you are able to enjoy today

[Atonement]

:hugs: Te amo. They might not understand it, but you've done what you could to tell them what it is and what it's about. Yet they still treat you differently?

I can understand them. They feel frustrated and disappointed, but only because they don't understand it.

[byee]

hey Steph,

First, happy Christmas. You were one of the people I told Santa to be especialy nice to this year.

OK, we sorta know eachother, so I'm going to be direct with you. As always, this is my personal opinion, so your mileage may vary.

I think your sister gave you a reality check there, her response to your cuts was a pretty natural response to self destructive behavior. I think she was silent for those 15 minutes maybe out of shock and dismay and not really knowing what to say. That's different than her not 'Understanding'. Remember, she has feelings too, and she might very well have a very strong reaction to your cutting.

You're used to cutting yourself in response to stress and sadness, so it's 'normal' (i.e typical) for you. But for others (like your sis) it's anything but. Her reation tells you that. Have you tried talking to her about it?

I don't know how old she is or your relationship with her, but maybe it would be worthwhile to consider her unexpected reaction as not so much a lack of understanding, but a concern for this behavior. Cutting is difficult to understand, for you, too. It's not exactly rational. It comes from a very dark, impulsive place. The adrenaline rush you get is a biological response to the physical threat of cutting. It's the body's way of alerting you to danger, and preparing you to repsond in a self protective way.

My psych 101 advice? Use her as part of your support system, and let her know what you need from her. Forget 'understanding'. Her role (or anyone else in that role) is more as a resource to help you get thru those times when the urge to cut is there. Talking, going for a walk, even 'dressing up' in the mall are all good uses of support systems.

With regard to your psychologist, I'd let him know how unsettling it is to not have him available to you thru regular appts., and find out if this is due to the time of year, or if it is more typical of how he runs his practice. If it is the former, thankfully the holidays are almost over and you should return to a more consistent schedule. If, however, this is the way he does things, if you cannot depend on at least weekly appts., you should ask him for a referral to someone who can accomodate your needs.

And quit cutting. We need you.

[Zephyr]

Sam, as always, thank you.
Reality check... exactly.
There are always options,
Always other explanations,
And alternatives.

Thank you.

[byee]

Sam, as always, thank you.
Reality check... exactly.
There are always options,
Always other explanations,
And alternatives.

Thank you.

I get it, you don't like what I said. So polite. I appreciate that, Steph. LOL!

Talk with the shrink, though, about consistency. And I really meant what I said about the world needing you. (I'm an excellent judge of character!).

[Zephyr]

I was being serious hun.
Really, thank you :)

[jacknife]

People have their own language, with their own dictionary, and their own ways of communicating. The roots of all these languages are the same, because they are all human, and so it is possible to understand the roots and, thus, understand the language. If that makes sense. Your sis, however, doesn't understand what self-harm means to you, nor does she understand what it represents. She doesn't understand the language you use, what the "word" of self-harm is supposed to express. It is, to continue the metaphor, utterly foreign to her. Therefore, she reacts accordingly. But I am sure she still cares for you and wants you to be "healthy" as she defines the word in her own dictionary. Self-harm does not fit into her definition of "healthy", nor in many people's for that matter.


So I stick to the thought that your sister was trying to do something that would make you cheer up and be happy. She probably thought, maybe even subconsciously, "Shopping always makes me happy, so I'm sure she'll love it!" Or something of that nature. We reveal a lot about ourselves through the way we treat others. Shopping has a meaning in your sister's language that brings about certain feelings of happiness, togetherness, etc. She wanted to, perhaps, share that with you.

Once she found out you cut again, however, she just couldn't understand. But I still think, as IAMSAM was also noting, that your sister's intentions were, and still are, good.



And, more importantly than my bullshit ramblings above:

If your dad thinks that you are horrible then he is clearly, utterly, and completely wrong. That's all there is to it.