December 16, 2008 | "Bleed. Feel. End."

[nachtspiegel]

I posted this in a MySpace bulletin a few minutes ago at the urging of my friend, and I just came up with a title, it's in the thread title.

Bleeding is like feeling.
Feelings you have to hide before anyone sees.
These lines show where my heart has been.
They run deep like rivers, deep like me.
But failure is all that anyone sees.
Falling is like flying.
You can't go as far, but you're free to go.
The end is as brutal as life itself.
You meet the ground with the same ends.
The same as your world falls with you as you do.
Falling beneath boulders that can't be lifted.
I should know better but my mind has drifted.
I'm not sure if it's there anymore.
Ending is like beginning
Without the promise of time and change.
I can't change myself.
I am who I am and time is no matter.
Time and change are gone - is this my end?
Only tomorrow knows.
My scars are like rivers that carry me away.
My heart is gone, but I am still here today.
The few that see have nothing to say.
Why should I believe that I can change?
For today, my end is not my option.
So, I'll breathe with my razor.
Maybe I'll be okay later.

[Atonement]

:( makes me sad. Not depressed sad, but touched sad.

[nachtspiegel]

I've been fighting off the urges for three weeks tomorrow. I just want to run into the bathroom with the razor I stare at every night before sleeping (but have not used in weeks) and use it until I've lost the strength to, fall into the bathtub, run the hottest water, and get the release.
I do cave every time. The longer I go, the worse it is when I cave.
But I am proud of this and it helped.

[Nalani]

I dont know if this is appropriate [or not] but I thought that was beautiful. I mean I could see these things you know. Its funny [not the haha funny] how I actually had those thoughts once.

[nachtspiegel]

I get what you're saying, and I thank you for the input. Same thing to Addi... I really do appreciate when people read what I post in here and leave comments. :)