broken

[just-me]

so me and this guy started as good mates but were very flirtaseous, even when he had a girlfriend, that at the time i didnt know about. we went to a party and i was very drunk and very flirty and almost did things but nothing happened luckily, as i then found out he had a gf, which he then dumped a few days later.
so we were both single, chatty, close, caring, friendly, flirty, and would ring each other up everynight just for a general chat. about a week later we both told each other how we felt, how we really both likied each other.
before i knew it we were flung into this fuck buddy partnership. i, unlike him, had had flings before, but meaningless unemotional flings. this was different. i wanted him to be more, and not knowing were we were going was ripping me apart.
the final straw was when at a party i fell asleep in his arms, and in the morning i couldnt even give him a kiss goodbye because no one knew about our secret.
so i told him how i felt,and he said although he liked me if we went into a relationship he would get given grief, and i dont want a relationship with complications.
so i decided to make it so we are just friends now. no more sexual acts, just friends, and it hurts so much.

this is one of the hardest decision ive made, to remain freinds, because i know i am stopping my future grief, i could just ignore this now and carry on but i decided not to, but this hurts so much!
im falling apart, i wish he would say fuck to the consequences, but this is not movie with a fairtale ending.
this-hurts-so-much.
someone lock my heart in a safe so no one can ever reach it again?

please?

[byee]

Hi Beth,

First, I'm assuming that the term you're using ('Fuck buddies') means that you're sexual friends, right?

If that's so, i think part of the problem here is that 1) you didn't really clarify with him what the expectations of that are, and 2) didn't take into consideration your emotional reaction to adding the sexual piece.

There's no way to get the toothpaste back into the tube, what you've done and the way you feel aren't likely to change magically. However, maybe if you modified some aspects of this relationship you might not feel so vulnerable and needy? Maybe instead of continuing in such an intense sexual relationship, you and he could back it down a notch and see what develops. In the meantime, it might be easier to tolerate things as they are.

[just-me]

sorry i failed to mention that i decided that we should just be friends.
thats what hurts so much.
i know it was for the best but it is really tearin me apart now.

[byee]

Oh. I think maybe what's tearing you apart is that you're 'just' friends and want to be more. But, sometimes you have to take a step back before taking a leap forward. It might seem like a loss now, but give it some time and see what develops.

[just-me]

i know, and i do believe that in the deep depths of my heart, but atm, it just sucks pretty hard :/

[byee]

"No pain, no gain". Still, I'm sorry for you, Beth, you sound worthwhile. Maybe he'll reach this conclusion, too.

Give it some time, the fat lady hasn't sung just yet.

[just-me]

thank you x