Kaleidoscope Eyes
December 14th, 2008, 11:19 PM
Brace yourself for another of Jessi's epic posts...
For a long time now, Christy (boyfriend in England) and I have been looking forward to his 18th birthday, coming up next September. After that date, he can legally obtain a visa to eventually move out here. We've looked at the different types, but unfortunately, few fit our situation. We need something that will allow him to stay here, and eventually become a permanent resident. A tourist visa involves a statement that he has no intent of staying here permanently, and he could probably only get so many extensions before he has to go back. A student visa isn't the best option, because he doesn't want to get here and jump straight into courses at a university. As long as he can find work, I don't intend to push him, although he does plan to go to a community college and see where it takes him. Again though, he's not going to jump into that the moment he gets here, he wants to breathe first.
Nothing else is even remotely close to being able to work, except the fiancee visa (K-1). We are serious about our relationship, and we're both serious about EVENTUALLY getting married. However, once he receives his visa, it's valid for 180 days. Once he's here, he has 90 days in which to get married, and apply to adjust his status to permanent resident. There are a few problems with that.
First of all, we can forget getting him out here next year, or even within early-to-mid 2010. Neither of our parents would want us getting married that young, especially when we haven't had the chance to live together for more than a few weeks at a time. We wanted to have some time for that before the wedding ourselves, some time to get used to new arrangement, to find our own place, get our lives in order.
Also, the visa can take anywhere from 5 to 8 months to go through. If we applied the moment I turned 18 (a month after he does), we're looking at likely sometime in the summer before it goes through. That's no big deal. However, it makes planning a specific wedding date pretty tricky. Thank you government, for giving us 6 months, at most, to plan EVERYTHING. Even if he waited as long as he could to get here, and we waited as long as we could (within reason) before getting married, he wouldn't be here until 2 or 3 months beforehand. I want him to be a part of the whole process, I don't want to be e-mailing and webcamming to show him options for invitations, color schemes, asking how many people he may want to invite from England (who'll have to buy plane tickets as soon as possible if they want any sort of decent prices), mailing him a box of invites for him to send out (or maybe just one for his parents), yatta yatta yatta. And I don't want to leave anything to the last minute unless he absolutely has to be here for it. I don't want our wedding day to be the culmination of six months of stress and hasty planning. Some things we can decide on beforehand, but I still want him here for as much as possible. I want my engagement to be as normal as possible. Not to mention, it'll be loads of fun moving into our apartment alone. He'd be ok with seeing a floorplan online, and seeing some pictures, he'd trust whatever else I tell him about the possible options. It would be less stressful if he could get here and not have to worry about finding an apartment in three months while preparing to get married. Plus, I do not want to come back from our modest honeymoon to live in my bedroom at my parent's house.
So.... what? We live like this for how many more years? It's already been two, and we've been hoping that when we have to say goodbye this summer, we won't have to again. Now, it looks like we may have several summers ahead of us before we can be in the same place on a more permanent basis. I'd also have to be sure that the wedding won't conflict with my school plans. I can take a semester or a year off if I want, but I can't have his visa come through in December, when I've already paid for spring classes, for example. I'd get out in May, get married in June, and my grades will suffer from trying to balance too many things at once. I'm entering a fairly competitive field, one where a PhD is going to be required. PhD programs require excellent grades, I need to aim for A's and B's. I don't want to overload myself and have to take classes over again. I'd rather just take some time off and save the stress. It'd be nice if I could have a guideline though, if I could plan this for a point in my education when it would make sense to take time off. The best options are June 2010 and on, after I finish my AA. I can apply for transfer, intending to enter classes in the spring. Or, I wait another two years until I get my BA, assuming I get that done on time; it could always take an extra semester or two.
This visa crap is strangling our options. We can't even guage when it's likely to go through, and it's not like he can pick a point when his 180 days start--they start the moment he gets his visa. Even tenative plans could be off by several months, depending on how long processing takes.
We've entertained the idea of getting married at 18 or 19, just a small, understated ceremony, with the intention of having a "real" wedding a few years down the road. Basically, we'd be renewing our vows once we've had the time to really plan and set aside some money for the wedding we want. I'm not too thrilled about that, though. I don't want to feel pressured to get this done on paper. It will still be a real wedding. We don't intend to play the system, here. But I'd feel cheated out of getting the ceremony I want. I don't want to feel like we're going to a drive-up chapel in Vegas, you know?
...I don't want to wait anymore. I know I have to, but I HATE being so far away, all the time. I'd never want to give up on this, and I never will. If I have to stick this out for 2 or 4 or however many more years, I guess I'll have to deal with it.
I don't know what I wanted to hear from you guys, I just needed to share this with someone. I didn't think writing it in my journal was gonna help much.
Anyone been through long-term long-distance relationships? Anyone have any thoughts, something I may not have thought of? I don't know how to make this work...
Post-Script: Damn, I didn't realize how long this was. Sorry.
For a long time now, Christy (boyfriend in England) and I have been looking forward to his 18th birthday, coming up next September. After that date, he can legally obtain a visa to eventually move out here. We've looked at the different types, but unfortunately, few fit our situation. We need something that will allow him to stay here, and eventually become a permanent resident. A tourist visa involves a statement that he has no intent of staying here permanently, and he could probably only get so many extensions before he has to go back. A student visa isn't the best option, because he doesn't want to get here and jump straight into courses at a university. As long as he can find work, I don't intend to push him, although he does plan to go to a community college and see where it takes him. Again though, he's not going to jump into that the moment he gets here, he wants to breathe first.
Nothing else is even remotely close to being able to work, except the fiancee visa (K-1). We are serious about our relationship, and we're both serious about EVENTUALLY getting married. However, once he receives his visa, it's valid for 180 days. Once he's here, he has 90 days in which to get married, and apply to adjust his status to permanent resident. There are a few problems with that.
First of all, we can forget getting him out here next year, or even within early-to-mid 2010. Neither of our parents would want us getting married that young, especially when we haven't had the chance to live together for more than a few weeks at a time. We wanted to have some time for that before the wedding ourselves, some time to get used to new arrangement, to find our own place, get our lives in order.
Also, the visa can take anywhere from 5 to 8 months to go through. If we applied the moment I turned 18 (a month after he does), we're looking at likely sometime in the summer before it goes through. That's no big deal. However, it makes planning a specific wedding date pretty tricky. Thank you government, for giving us 6 months, at most, to plan EVERYTHING. Even if he waited as long as he could to get here, and we waited as long as we could (within reason) before getting married, he wouldn't be here until 2 or 3 months beforehand. I want him to be a part of the whole process, I don't want to be e-mailing and webcamming to show him options for invitations, color schemes, asking how many people he may want to invite from England (who'll have to buy plane tickets as soon as possible if they want any sort of decent prices), mailing him a box of invites for him to send out (or maybe just one for his parents), yatta yatta yatta. And I don't want to leave anything to the last minute unless he absolutely has to be here for it. I don't want our wedding day to be the culmination of six months of stress and hasty planning. Some things we can decide on beforehand, but I still want him here for as much as possible. I want my engagement to be as normal as possible. Not to mention, it'll be loads of fun moving into our apartment alone. He'd be ok with seeing a floorplan online, and seeing some pictures, he'd trust whatever else I tell him about the possible options. It would be less stressful if he could get here and not have to worry about finding an apartment in three months while preparing to get married. Plus, I do not want to come back from our modest honeymoon to live in my bedroom at my parent's house.
So.... what? We live like this for how many more years? It's already been two, and we've been hoping that when we have to say goodbye this summer, we won't have to again. Now, it looks like we may have several summers ahead of us before we can be in the same place on a more permanent basis. I'd also have to be sure that the wedding won't conflict with my school plans. I can take a semester or a year off if I want, but I can't have his visa come through in December, when I've already paid for spring classes, for example. I'd get out in May, get married in June, and my grades will suffer from trying to balance too many things at once. I'm entering a fairly competitive field, one where a PhD is going to be required. PhD programs require excellent grades, I need to aim for A's and B's. I don't want to overload myself and have to take classes over again. I'd rather just take some time off and save the stress. It'd be nice if I could have a guideline though, if I could plan this for a point in my education when it would make sense to take time off. The best options are June 2010 and on, after I finish my AA. I can apply for transfer, intending to enter classes in the spring. Or, I wait another two years until I get my BA, assuming I get that done on time; it could always take an extra semester or two.
This visa crap is strangling our options. We can't even guage when it's likely to go through, and it's not like he can pick a point when his 180 days start--they start the moment he gets his visa. Even tenative plans could be off by several months, depending on how long processing takes.
We've entertained the idea of getting married at 18 or 19, just a small, understated ceremony, with the intention of having a "real" wedding a few years down the road. Basically, we'd be renewing our vows once we've had the time to really plan and set aside some money for the wedding we want. I'm not too thrilled about that, though. I don't want to feel pressured to get this done on paper. It will still be a real wedding. We don't intend to play the system, here. But I'd feel cheated out of getting the ceremony I want. I don't want to feel like we're going to a drive-up chapel in Vegas, you know?
...I don't want to wait anymore. I know I have to, but I HATE being so far away, all the time. I'd never want to give up on this, and I never will. If I have to stick this out for 2 or 4 or however many more years, I guess I'll have to deal with it.
I don't know what I wanted to hear from you guys, I just needed to share this with someone. I didn't think writing it in my journal was gonna help much.
Anyone been through long-term long-distance relationships? Anyone have any thoughts, something I may not have thought of? I don't know how to make this work...
Post-Script: Damn, I didn't realize how long this was. Sorry.