Girl I Like

[staying_alive]

Okay this year, when we all went to high school, both of our town's middle schools merged. So we met tons of new people in the process. In the meantime, i've met this amazing girl that's interested in a lot of the stuff that i am. She's really nice and we get along well, and i'm dying to ask her out.
Problem time. First off, i got out of a very tiring and involved relationship more than 5 months ago, but it still scares me. Also, i'm scared about awkwardness between me and this girl. i've worked out class schedules so i walk to class with different people, and i'm worried to change those to be with her all the time. Secondly, the holidays are coming. I'm broke. Broke + Girlfriend + Holiday does not equal good times. If anything i want to wait until after the holidays pass to ask her out. But of course, as all bad things happen, her birthday is in January. So i want to wait until after that too. As shallow and terrible as that sounds, if i get a girlfriend a gift, it's almost always expensive, and i don't have that kind of money right now. Finally, i'm scared for the physical part. Everyone says it comes so naturally but it just doesn't for me. Yes, i kissed my last girlfriend but it was just awkward and...it felt weird.
I just want to go out with her so badly, but i'm so scared to. There's so many things preventing me and making me nervous. WHAT DO I DO???:confused: :wub:

[Nihilus]

Do what makes you feel comfortable. If you have to, wait until after her birthday. There is nothing wrong with waiting. you don't have to get her a expensive gift. get her somethng she'll like.

[staying_alive]

i'm just afraid she's gonna stop liking me! did i mention that she likes me? Maybe not. But that's my other worst fear, and i'm scared to chance it.

[byee]

Well your sig does not add a note of optimism here, you know.

Ok, here's what I think. Regardless of how bad your prior experience was or how scared you are as a result, there's still this nagging little part of you that wants to go out with her. That's b/c relationships are nice and we humans are wired to seek them. So, the task is to allow yourself to experience a new person but have a different outcome: That you'll be in control of things (and yourself and those emotions!), so you can actually enjoy the time with her. This isn't as hard as it sounds. But, like anything else, it takes some time and practice.

We remember things, it's a primary way we learn. So, if something doesn't work out, we remember it to protect ourselves form future bad experiences. However, part of that process isn't just the knee jerk response to stay away from pain, it's also learning from it to (hopefully) avoid similiar mistakes and problems in the future. Have you done that? Have you thought about what happened there and why you reacted the way you did, and what you could/will do differently? Think about that, you might be able to reassure yourself that things can be different.

In the end, though, it's important to do what you're comfortable with when you're comfortable with it. Maybe this isn't the time (Although I think you're telling yourself it is, if it weren't for those memories and anxieties). Remember that although you're the same person, she isn;'.......she's a different person, and as a result, what you're likely to experience will be different.

Don't get too far ahead of yourself here, maybe just start by talking with her and casually being with her, this might reassure you that you can do this, and that she is different. Don't focus so much on the calendar as you don't have the type of relationship that requires extravagance at this time of the year, just being with her might be enough for both of you.