Dump and redate?

[Taylor Balch]

I'm a senior and I've been dating junior, he's on the varsity football team. . . no idea why he had an interest in me, but yet I went out with him, and i am still currently dating him. I hate dumping people and I don't know how to do it nicely... I don't know if the main reason is the fact that I still have feelings for one of my exes that I dated for most of my junior year. He's asked me back out a couple times, and asked me even though he knew I was dating someone else. I think he's given up on that though because now he's dating someone, but he still shows the feelings, especially when we go on trips. . . we cuddle on things still, and I am becoming so confused with it, I thought it was normal friend type feelings so it didn't bother me laying against him. But the more I think about it the more it seems like the feelings were there. And I hate to admit it because then it we be as if I was cheating and i never meant to do that and I never would do something like that. I'm not sure if I should break up with the guy I'm dating hope my ex gets it and decides that he still wants to date. Even though the last time he asked was a month ago... And even if he doesn't there are still others. But I'm not sure. Should I go ahead and take the chance for him. I don't know, what I should do... help, please, any suggestions?

[Cindex]

Well it doesn't seem like you have any feelings at all for your current boyfriend. You didn't mention him barely at all. Even if it hurts him, you shouldn't be in a relationship when only one person is really benefiting. (Physical relations shouldn't count as benefiting)

Ask your ex. Ask HIM out and see what he says. Make him promise beforehand that he won't tell anyone and just ask him. What's there to lose?

[Gumleaf]

well firstly taylor, how do you feel about your current boyfriend? do you still want to be with him? what was it that made you say yes to him when he asked you out to start with and is the reason you said yes still valid for you now? answer those questions truthfully to yourself and that should help you. dumping someone is never easy and i have been on the receiving end of a bad one before and it was nasty and hurt a lot. but as bad and as hard as it is to do and for the ther person to accept it, if you don't have the feelings for him anymore then its not fair on you or him to continue with a relationship going nowhere. as for your ex, if he finds out that you are available again and the feelings you have for eachother are mutual again, he'll probably ask you out again. then you can say yes to him, with a clear conscience and be able to enjoy your relationship with him. hope this makes sense?

[Taylor Balch]

I'm one of those people who cannot refuse a relationship unless I'm in one. It makes me feel as if I'm just being plain mean by saying no when I really have no reason to. And by physical did you mean sex? Thats a no, that hasn't happened with any guy I've dated. And I really don't plan for that to happen. And the fact that my ex is the only guy I've ever dated who has never asked me that, even after a year and a half is I don't know... truly amazing I guess. I've only kissed a guy once, which was my ex. And I really don't like to do more than that and I hate when people push me towards all that. I don't get mad often but thats one of those things that really peeve me, and lately the guy I've been dating has been asking for all that a lot. And I told him before we even started dating not to expect any of that. . . And he tries to tell me that since the football season is over and they did so well he deserves a prize! Really how sad can it get!? So I guess I dated him out of sympathy, I'm not sure, I'm just so confused. He doesn't want me talking to my ex. But I usually call him anyway, around mid-nightish when I get hungry. So we usually go somewhere. But we are only just friends still. No I'm not in love with my ex. I may believe in love at first sight, but I have never told a guy "I love you" and I'm not doing that any time soon. And my current boyfriend is always throwing those words around like nothing, and then he complains because I don't say it back!

:(

[Atonement]

Why is your ex now your ex? Like, what was the reason you split in the first place?

[Taylor Balch]

I was too busy, and the relationship just pretty much stopped because I didn't have anytime to be around him.

Now I still hardly have anytime what so ever, and my current boyfriend gets mad. I hardly ever get home until midnight, and then I have homework. (No, I don't go out and party...)

[Atonement]

Then whats different now from then?If you don't want to be with your current boyfriend, then don't. Don't do something because you feel you are obliged. Thats wrong on a lot of levels in my mind. But if you want to pursue your ex again, do, but just be sure of your decision and know there is likely no going back.

[Taylor Balch]

And I wonder why I'm confused. . . And partially, I'm scared of guys... especially since he's 6'4. and muscular and what not. But yeah, if he gets mad I'm done for it. Not much anyone in band could do, my ex won't be doing any good with a guy who can bench 3x my weight. . . and such forth. I'm in a problem I can't fix. Maybe I'm better single, I like being single. I don't know though. I am so confused. :(

[Atonement]

Make up your mind. If you don't want to be with anyone, then be single. Nothing wrong with that.

You don't need an excuse to break up with your BF. If he truly cares for your well being he will respect your wish to be single. Just use the "I just want to be friends" - card. hehe

[Gumleaf]

from what you have said taylor, maybe the time is right for you to enjoy the single life for a while. if you only started dating him out of sympathy then really thats not much to base a relationship on. i think it would be good for both of you to end it. leading him on isn't going to help and will only hurt him more when you do break up at some point. it will only get more and more confusing for you the longer you stay with him and harder and harder for you to break it off.

[Cindex]

I'm one of those people who cannot refuse a relationship unless I'm in one. It makes me feel as if I'm just being plain mean by saying no when I really have no reason to. And by physical did you mean sex? Thats a no, that hasn't happened with any guy I've dated. And I really don't plan for that to happen. And the fact that my ex is the only guy I've ever dated who has never asked me that, even after a year and a half is I don't know... truly amazing I guess. I've only kissed a guy once, which was my ex. And I really don't like to do more than that and I hate when people push me towards all that. I don't get mad often but thats one of those things that really peeve me, and lately the guy I've been dating has been asking for all that a lot. And I told him before we even started dating not to expect any of that. . . And he tries to tell me that since the football season is over and they did so well he deserves a prize! Really how sad can it get!? So I guess I dated him out of sympathy, I'm not sure, I'm just so confused. He doesn't want me talking to my ex. But I usually call him anyway, around mid-nightish when I get hungry. So we usually go somewhere. But we are only just friends still. No I'm not in love with my ex. I may believe in love at first sight, but I have never told a guy "I love you" and I'm not doing that any time soon. And my current boyfriend is always throwing those words around like nothing, and then he complains because I don't say it back!
Yea I know how you feel on that one. I've done that before. More like "Why not" instead of "yes". Not necessarily sex, but groping/feeling up etc. Your ex not asking for that isn't amazing, it's decent. It's hard to find decent guys in the world. Trust me, it can get sadder.

Honestly though, dating out of sympathy is just plain horrible. It's never going to end up as anything happy and there's no point. He shouldn't be restricting your friends, it's his problem. Some people don't put meaning behind those words. I've told 2 girlfriends I love them, and they both meant it like I did. People all have different opinions.


Even if your ex doesn't take you back, it's really wrong to be dating your current boyfriend. Sympathy dates are cruel. It shouldn't matter his size either, he shouldn't touch you in any way if you don't want him to. If you're dating someone that dangerous you need to really look at what you're doing.

[Taylor Balch]

If my daddy knew... he would kill me. Sadly, I'm the smallest in the family. My sister is the tallest, she's 5'6 I believe... my daddy is shorter.

Yeah, my mommy and daddy really liked my ex, can't blame them, I love him, as a friend. Known him since pre-school. I never intend to do some of the things I do, thats why I agree that band should stay with band, athletics with athletics, and such forth so on, it makes it less complicated. I can't help how I am though, I'm just one of those people who walk up and hug and strike up a conversation with a complete stranger. I've done it several times. I'm just so confused. I guess I could use the single time. I have to plan the FCM party before the holidays. I can just tell him that I need some alone time to think through everything and perhaps we can start fresh after the holidays. But at the moment I need to be alone for a while.

Perhaps that will work, but he still scares me. I do know quite a few more football players if I need them perhaps I should talk with a few of them. . . just in case, he doesn't have a very good streak with girls. Hopefully those are only rumors.