now the norm

[just-me]

i have never really spoken about this.
i know im goin to sound like a stereotype but its how i feel.

back last year was when i started feeling really down. i decided to cut down on food for 2 reasons,
1)so i could look nice (skinny) even if my head is screwed
2)unlike my feelings it was something i could control

well almost 2 years on and after not eting for a week and a half after a bad case of glandula feever and losing almost a stone from my already light frame i decided to sod it all and ate non stop for a week. i regained almost 2 stone, higher than my previous weight but was happy.

but then i was down again and have been once again controlling my eating patterns, eating only a chocolate bar, packet of crisps and then one meal for dinner so my parents dont realise.

today for the first time in weeks i ate something proper at lunch and after only eating half of it felt sick.

has this controlling of food now become my norm?

[Donkey]

Yes, I do pretty much the same but with a small breakfast - just slowly eat a bit more, and more every day and you'll eventually get into a healthy routine without feeling ill.

[just-me]

hmm i know i should, but part of me resents myself every time i eat.
dont know why.
sorry for rejecting your help. i think this was more a rant than a question actually looking at it.
i think it just really shocked me. hmm.

[Sapphire]

You should get a counsellor or talk with your GP about this. Your GP will be able to refer you onto someone who can help. Either way, they will be able to work with you on why you feel like this and getting you back to a healthy pattern of eating.

Don't leave this because you don't think it is that big a problem. If you start working on this now, you won't have to fight for your life from a hospital bed.

[just-me]

im sorry if i sound rude, or niave or what ever but are you being serious?
its not like serious, i eat. im not like that bad.
im 5'4 and 6 and a half stone, id say thats pretty normal.

[Sapphire]

I am really serious.

6 and a half stone is not a particularly healthy weight for someone of your height.
This type of thing can easily get out of control and you are already showing real warning signs. To ignore these would be really dangerous for you.

[just-me]

o god seriously?
ive never really seen this as anythin, just me bein me :/
ha great, somethin else to add to my mental fuck ups.
ok.
shit.
right. so if, if i wana say something, i see a doctor every 3 weeks cos she thinks i have depression, should i/how do i bring it up?

[Donkey]

However you want 'Oh yeah...' works, confidential. They've heard it all :P

[Sapphire]

Don't worry about how you tell them. All that matters is that you tell someone. You can start off by saying "There's something new that I want to talk about" or just blurt it out. Either way, it will get the topic out in the open.

[just-me]

i may do im still undecided. thanks anyway.

[Sapphire]

I do hope that you bring this up with your doctor.

Here is a webpage that you may find interesting/helpful http://www.ehealthmd.com/library/anorexia/ANO_causes.html#psycho

[just-me]

the thing is as i said this is like the only thing in my life i can control. and if i lose this i dont know.
im happy and content being this way, so surely its not a bad thing?

[Sapphire]

It is bad for you and you need to get it sorted.
By airing all of your problems with your doctor, you will be able to gain control over more and more of your life. But, you need to bring this up to do so.

[just-me]

i dont know why but i feel i cant lie on here.
i could say ye i will bring it up but i know i wont.
its like smoking. i smoke. and i know the consequences and i know i shouldnt. but i dont want to stop because im content with it.
its just like that. i dont know. i cant see the bad side as my weight doesnt change, im not still losing weight i just stay at 6 n half stone. so its not a bad thing. im happy with this part of my life.

[Sapphire]

It will one day get out of control. It would be much better for you to get this resolved now. Trust me, you don't want to let it get any worse.

[just-me]

i shal seriously consider it.
thanks for listenin.

[Sapphire]

Ok, keep yourself safe

[just-me]

thanks you too