double standard

[krystalm]

Recently I began reading a book, Full Frontal Feminism, and besides getting pissed off at points being looked down upon by the book because I happen to be pro-life(don't listen to anyone when they tell you that you can't be pro-life and a feminist!) , it brought up a lot of things that in my head, I wanted to explode.

firstly masturbation) girls never talk about it! and simply, the book says it well, if we aren't doing it in front of a camera for men, then it's "taboo", but this isn't my real concern for now...

second is) the double standard.. we all know the song "The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
While the girl can do the same and yet you call her a whore" yet still we don't even acknowledge it. We girls will say, hey yeah, that's right, but when we hear about so-and-so sleeping with a guy, it's oh she's just a slut..

BUT WHY? Why are we looking down upon someone for simply enjoying themselves? Why are we looking down at the female and not the male?


Seriously, and to top things off, girls today don't even know what an orgasm is... and some of these girls have had more sexual partners then they can count.. GIRLS, let's get our act together, lets be proud and not forced to be held ashamed because we masturbate and enjoy being sexually active.

http://books.google.com/books?id=vSE67Bx7K-gC&pg=PA37&lpg=PA37&dq=frontal+feminism+and+masturbation&source=bl&ots=yBTteNqdyf&sig=EpruhWEcoJMOfcVrR50bdsHwFT8&hl=en&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=1&ct=result#PPA38,M1

[BeautifulSilence]

Amen, sister!

Seriously, I am completely open about my sexual life, whenever anyone asks!

I can't stand all of my friends pretending that they don't masturbate and that they find it disgusting. It makes me feel like a freak... Even though I know it's totally normal!

I hate that I still get terrorised for having sex once, ages ago! Especially from guys and gals who have had many more sexual partners and sexual experiences than I have. I hate it even more when no one believes me when I say that I've never given / recieved oral sex or had a real boyfriend etc.

Hmm. Cool to get that off my chest.

I think that everyone needs to speak out against the "norm" because we know it isn't that normal.

No one can see that one girl standing alone, speaking alone will be ignored. But people can't ignore a huge group of girls standing, speaking. When they're so loud, you have to listen. You're being told that the "norm" isn't normal.

[Aηdy]

Although I'm quite ovbiously not a girl, I do agree with everything you said there. I think girls have a very hard time when it comes to stuff such as sexual relations. Personally I hate the idea of looking down upon girls in the ways you have mentioned, girls and guys are equal, and should be treated like so.

[Kiros]

Ditto. Those points are something that I've noticed and discussed with my girl buds for the past 5 years. I hate when these things happen. It's like if a guy is used for sex, it's almost an achievement, but if a girl is used, then it's so horrible that it cannot be mentioned. With this case, both sides are extreme and it's because of the expectations of society.

Ugh, sometimes I just wish society could change in a single moment.

Anyway, I hope that more people start to see things clearly like this.

[Hyper]

Well I'm not going to read a stupid book.

But fact is Women & Men are different and society interperts their roles differently..

I wouldn't say that everybody would think that its cool that the man ''scores alot'', I'd think his just a prick who couldn't get it up 2 times in a row. But yes rather people will point the finger at the woman and call her a slut rather than at the man... But thats just societies problem and how we're raised differently as boys & girls..

I believe people should have integrity, both sexes. But I guess most people think of women as those who have to be more ''reserved'' ''pure'' whatever you want to call it. And I'm certain a little bit of jealousy plays into the mix from both male & females when branding someone a slut.

[just-me]

i agree with everything the original post says!
its ridiculous the difference between men and women, its a joke.
but will things change?
i think unfortunately not.

[Atonement]

Its so true. I refer to myself as the masculine feminist. Like, when it comes to women standards and stuff, I am right there with you. I don't experience it, but I see it and it makes me sick. Gets me in quite a few colourful arguments with my teachers. ha ha.

[Sapphire]

I find it hard to believe that none of you have ever encountered a male being judged negatively for his promiscuity.

But, hey-ho.

[just-me]

yes. thats the thing. i think both sexs need equality. they are both treated wrongly in certain ways.

[Sapphire]

Sleeping around is nothing to be proud of.
We do have a state of equality between men and women on this topic. That state of equality being, if someone sleeps around with a number of people then they are frowned upon.

[BeautifulSilence]

Sleeping around is nothing to be proud of.
We do have a state of equality between men and women on this topic. That state of equality being, if someone sleeps around with a number of people then they are frowned upon.

Good point. But I've seen that a girl could get a harder time for doing less. For example, a girl has three sexual encounters over two weeks or so and she's promiscuous. A guy has three in about a week and is just being a guy. [Times and amount vary depending on what you think, but I believe it gets my point across.]

I also think that the current sexual revolution [being "if you want sex have it"] makes it super easy for girls to have lots of sex. Soon, it'll be so common for girls to be less modest when it comes to bedroom activities.

[Sapphire]

Good point. But I've seen that a girl could get a harder time for doing less. For example, a girl has three sexual encounters over two weeks or so and she's promiscuous. A guy has three in about a week and is just being a guy. [Times and amount vary depending on what you think, but I believe it gets my point across.]I don't entirely agree, but okay.

I also think that the current sexual revolution [being "if you want sex have it"] makes it super easy for girls to have lots of sex. Soon, it'll be so common for girls to be less modest when it comes to bedroom activities.
That doesn't make sleeping around any better.

[krystalm]

Sleeping around is nothing to be proud of.
We do have a state of equality between men and women on this topic. That state of equality being, if someone sleeps around with a number of people then they are frowned upon.

Why? Do we condemn someone for going to a lot of shows, or how many video games? We are simply enjoying ourselves, and yeah there's danger, more risks involved, but what is the difference between someone who climbs mountains for fun and someone who has sex?

[Sapphire]

Why? Do we condemn someone for going to a lot of shows, or how many video games? We are simply enjoying ourselves, and yeah there's danger, more risks involved, but what is the difference between someone who climbs mountains for fun and someone who has sex?
Sex is a very intimate thing. To have meaningless and casual sex, you are degrading the act. To sleep around, you are degrading yourself. How can you expect other people to respect you, if you degrade yourself and give your body freely to a number of different guys/girls on a frequent basis?

[Gumleaf]

Sleeping around is nothing to be proud of.
We do have a state of equality between men and women on this topic. That state of equality being, if someone sleeps around with a number of people then they are frowned upon.

i agree with carole totally with this. i put any person whether they are female or male who sleep around in the same category. i know in some ways guys and girls are seen upon differently for different sexual things but this is one thing, like cheating, where i think guys and girls are equals.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

Sex is a very intimate thing. To have meaningless and casual sex, you are degrading the act. To sleep around, you are degrading yourself. How can you expect other people to respect you, if you degrade yourself and give your body freely to a number of different guys/girls on a frequent basis?


Yes but that view is changing, i don't think the message to have meaningless sex is getting out there but its definitely not a sacred act these days. I don't believe in sleeping around frequently but i also don't go with the whole "only with a person i am in love with" approach either.

[sndr09]

I'm glad that this topic came up. I live in a rather conservative area with traditional beliefs. Every day I hear the same thing, be it from adults or kids in school. A woman that fools around is a "slut" a guy that does the same is "the man." What gives? Honestly, society is to blame.

[Sapphire]

What is the "right" way then? Seeing as many of you apparently witness such occurrences, you must have an ideal in mind.

Should we all be free to sleep around and increase the spread of diseases/infections without being judged at all? Or should we all be judged negatively for it?

I still very much doubt that this supposed double standard exists or, if it does, that it is serious. I doubt even more that it should be addressed by lowering the value of sex for everyone rather than raising it.

[DarkWingedAngel]

I think it's all true I mean look around a guy could have sex a lot of times and not even get judged but then i girl goes off a few times and gets called a whore.
But then agen guys have a different perspective on what guys can do and what girls can do and so do girls.
But I do think girls and guys should get judged the same ....im serious like I mean do you ever see a girl go around and say that she masturbates ... no but then guys they are open to it... thats what I don't get.
Why can't girls be open about this too?
I just don't get why this is such a big problem.

[Church]

I think guys can be more open about it cause it is more of a physical need than a woman's want for pleasure, I think if women more open about it other women wouldnt care as much about telling about if they do it, but go in a room of 14 year old boys and ask if any of them masturbate they would all be like "No I don't masturbate, thats disgusting", which is total bull because I bet every guy in that room masturbates, so it isn't as much being open in public cause both men and women wont go in the middle of New York City with a microphone telling about how they masturbate

[DarkWingedAngel]

good point but still
guys probably won't say no if another guy asked
but if a girl asked another girl she would probably say no even if she does
just think about it

[Sapphire]

Being open about masturbation (which is perfectly healthy) and not judging/being judged for sleeping around (which isn't perfectly healthy/harmless) are too completely different things. You can't compare the two as they are both different.

Everyone I know (from varying backgrounds/locations), apart from on here apparently, judges men and women the same on promiscuous sex. This supposed discrimination is not as prominent as feminists would lead you to believe!