this is really pissing me off

[///James///]

ok recently my depression has been not as bad as before, but there are times when it gets to an extreme.

when im totally bored or something or when im having a constant trail of thoughs on one thing, i always dont feel like right or anything, i feel that im the only one who is like this or who thinks this way or watever, then the though of "the world would be better off without me" comes to mind, but i try and put it off but that is hard.

its annoying me so much, like i usually have fuck all though of cutting again, there is a huge tempation to take up some "Dirty" habbits to in a way calm my nerves, to make me feel good for once, but that would just fuck me up completly

[Φρανκομβριτ]

what kind of things do you think of?

[///James///]

everything and anything, mostly stuff like my personality, my looks (usually my hair, cos its usually fucked up), peoples opinons of me (doesnt bother me), and the whole living in the past (like today wen i was at my locker, a bottle was thrown at me by 6th year, two classes later i was still going on about it!)

just anything that comes to mind will slowly move around and wont leave until something else comes in

[///James///]

and to add to that, i hate myself, i completly hate my whole personality; im a total irriating fucker, i cant go a minuet without shouting somones fucking head off; i dont give a shit about anyones feelings, apperntly; i just give up, im a fucking waste, usless, a pain in the fucking ass and someone who should of been murdered by people who totally hate me years ago

[<-Dying_to_Live->]

so you have low self esteem. anything else?

[TheWizard]

James its ok to expereince ups and downs. And its easy to put yourself down.

Its just part of growing up. It'll pass.

[castillo_98]

Everyone gets down on themselves at one time or another. All you need to do is talk to your true friends. Hell, sometimes I get into really depressive moods and my obsessive list-taking takes over... I end up writing a list of all the reasons I hate myself. And you know what? There is always a friend, and I'm sure it's the same with you, that will tell you that those reasons are BS. That only yourself hates you for those reasons, nobody else.

Write a list down. Show one of your true friends. Listen to what they have to say. Then keep that list. Wait until you're in a really good mood. Look at the list. You'll realise just how stupid some of those reasons are. It's natural for when we're down to kick ourselves. Rise above that. Don't listen to what the little, annoying people in your life have to say about you. That'll bring you down. Then you'll start kicking yourself.