My friends...

[Underground_Network]

Yet again I just don't know if I even like my friends. They like to do risky shit sometimes, they like to be assholes, and act like dumbasses in public, and I just don't. But they've been with me for what feels like forever (even though its been more or less four years), and I know it would be tough for me to make new friends... And I just don't know what to do.

I've fallen back into an anti-social slump, and I just don't feel like talking to anyone or doing anything (i.e. hanging out with my friends). Lately I've just been staying at my house, entertaining myself with whatever I can find. And lately I've also been much less social than I usually am (and normally I'm pretty "unsocial"). I just haven't been talking to that many people and people who try to get me to talk to them or try to talk to me, utterly fail in that I don't respond to them, and act like I don't care, even when [sometimes] I do.

People who I never would've imagined would be interested in befriending me have been extremely friendly to me and I know they'd give me a chance if I would just talk to them [more often if at all]. I just feel like I can't talk to anyone. There's this weird fear in me, and I don't even know what it is.

Before I ditch my old friends, I want to make some new ones, but I just don't know if I can. I've always been so shy and so antisocial. I know people who would befriend me or at least become "friendlier" with me if I gave them the chance to, but I just don't know how to.

Another problem I have is with girls. Any girl, whether I find her attractive or not, I just can't get myself to talk to. I used to be able to carry on a conversation with pretty much any girl, as long as they started it, but now I just turn away or ignore them if they start talking to me. I think it's something in my brain that just won't let me talk to them. It's so fucking annoying.

I also always get anxious, nervous, even distraught, etc. when talking to anyone I don't know that well, and it certainly doesn't help me with making new friends. Most people that I talk to enough will admit that I'm a nice guy though. I have no poor qualities personality wise, other than [for the most part] my shyness and quite often my inability to carry on a conversation (which, for the most part, relates to my shyness).

And I just don't know what to do. I want to make new friends, and I even know how to, but I just don't know if I can. I don't know if I'm emotionally or even physically to befriend anyone I'm not already friends with... I've come to the point of hating myself because I just can't succeed in making friends (and I can't succeed socially at all it seems)...

[Hyper]

*scratches his head*

Is this a rant or are you asking for advice :P?

[Underground_Network]

A little bit of both... :D

[Hyper]

I've read your MASSIVE rants for years now

And honestly I've lost track :P I'd talk to you on msn if it wasn't being a beep and wasn't broken

But what I do know is that theres no reason to keep ''friends'' I'd rather have 1 friend than 5 people who just talk crap about me, but of course I don't know how it really is for you..

Meh I'll read this again later

[Hyper]

Hmm ok so lets see

You are:

-Depressed
-Un-motivated
-Shy
-Not sure about ''ditching yo homies''
-Scared of social interaction in general
-Girls make you go numb in terror!

So I really really think you should get theraphy but I think you've been denying that option for a million years which is a stupid idea as it might work for you, with the right theraphist, cognitive theraphy might do wonders for you..

Or you do what I do suffer for years and practice in RL which in the end would problably make you even more depressed.

Shyness is a part of your nature you can work on that to turn it into being charming ;)

As for the girl part find somebody you've known for a long time, relative, friend etc and talk to them if your scared, numbed/whatever with them then keep trying till you can comfortably talk to someone your familiar with, if you can already talk to a bunch of people comfortably who are girls and who you have known for a long time....

Try finding somebody new through a friend or something, someone who is nice there are plenty of girls like that if your with the right crowd and try to talk to them, might be embarassing but this sort of stuff really helps if you get the backup for it, if your all alone then you must suffer through RL trial & error which might set you even worse if you don't take theraphy

As for for ditching yo homies you seem doubtful, let me just tell you this theres no reason to ditch any friends even if their acting stupid right now or even if their not your real friends.. Whats best is to politely detatch yourself so you could still friendly smile to them on the street and trade a few words, its always good to have positive acquintances...

But for finding new friends I can't help you with that since the only way you'll loose your anxiety & shyness is by practice either you do it yourself or you do with professional help which is a better idea since this shit took years & years for me to get toned down