Feeling worthless, distressed, repulsive and suicidal

[Triceratops]

Some days are like one big emotional battle.
Even if I survive them, I still have to fight them off again the next day.

I feel physically sick a lot, because of the anxious and paranoid feelings I get.
I'm unsure if I'm really appreciated and worth something because I immediately assume that the whole world is turned against me. I forget that I may be special because I feel as if I'm some kind of human scum.

The ugliness is out to get me. Everytime I pass a mirror or my reflection, all I see is a blur of hideous and all I want to do is smash my reflection into pieces and reach into the mirror and kill the person standing before me.
Each time I look into the mirror, I feel tears dripping down my face as I reach for the sharp things and hack at myself with it, or even violently create several burns with my hair straightening irons onto my hands and arms. I deserve the pain, I deserve the self-control I so desperately need.
No one could ever love such an ugly sight.

The smallest things will put me to stress. Too much work and responsibility needs to be done. I try my best to keep things in order, but it's never good enough. Anything I try to do is never special or right.

I see so many people who all appear to be so much more important and precious than I could ever be and all I can feel is envy. In the middle of the street, I want to just ran all the way back home and hide under my bed and cry and never come out. I there is no escaping any of it...I have the urge to resort to suicide as I will be so much better off dead. I'm a waste of space and time so it'll be no big deal.

[Underground_Network]

Marshki, you are not a waste of space and time. Often times I feel the same way, I feel as if everyday is a struggle, that I don't live, I survive. I feel as if I'm barely hanging on some days. I feel as if everything isn't enough, and yet I can't have more than what I already do. I feel as I can never achieve happiness, I feel as if I might as well be dead, but I hold strong; I remember that other people care, and that not everything is shit.

Marshki, know that I care, that I don't want you to kill yourself. Know that someone cares, know that you're not alone in your fight to keep moving forward. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. I know what its like to go through everyday needing everything to be perfect, having things not fall into place, then getting depressed and upset and sometimes even suicidal... I know what it's like, and I hate it.

I try to fight it everyday, and sometimes I find the best thing to do is just to take my mind off of it; yeah, it will come back to fuck up my life sooner than later, but I'd rather enjoy those stress-free/depression-free moments, however short they are, then just continue to sink deeper and deeper into a relentless depression.

Know that I'm here if you need me, and that life isn't always as terrible as you make out to be Marshki. Please, just know that, and don't kill yourself, as you mean something, if not to anyone else, to me. I don't want to see someone as beautiful, kind, and intelligent kill themselves when their life is so much better than they could ever realize. Life's not over, its not over till it really is over. Don't kill yourself, there's still so much life ahead of you, you never know where things could take you.

In five years, everything could be better (though I know, I can't say things will). Just be optimistic. If you think good things will happen, often times they do... :/ And know that there are people here for you, whenever you need to rant/vent/get your feelings out. We're here to listen, and to respond. You're a great person, you don't deserve to die. You deserve to live and to be important. And if no one else thinks you're important, know that I do. You're important to me. :)

[BlackenedSilver]

Marshki, you are not a waste of space and time. Often times I feel the same way, I feel as if everyday is a struggle, that I don't live, I survive. I feel as if I'm barely hanging on some days. I feel as if everything isn't enough, and yet I can't have more than what I already do. I feel as I can never achieve happiness, I feel as if I might as well be dead, but I hold strong; I remember that other people care, and that not everything is shit.

Marshki, know that I care, that I don't want you to kill yourself. Know that someone cares, know that you're not alone in your fight to keep moving forward. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. I know what its like to go through everyday needing everything to be perfect, having things not fall into place, then getting depressed and upset and sometimes even suicidal... I know what it's like, and I hate it.

I try to fight it everyday, and sometimes I find the best thing to do is just to take my mind off of it; yeah, it will come back to fuck up my life sooner than later, but I'd rather enjoy those stress-free/depression-free moments, however short they are, then just continue to sink deeper and deeper into a relentless depression.

Know that I'm here if you need me, and that life isn't always as terrible as you make out to be Marshki. Please, just know that, and don't kill yourself, as you mean something, if not to anyone else, to me. I don't want to see someone as beautiful, kind, and intelligent kill themselves when their life is so much better than they could ever realize. Life's not over, its not over till it really is over. Don't kill yourself, there's still so much life ahead of you, you never know where things could take you.

In five years, everything could be better (though I know, I can't say things will). Just be optimistic. If you think good things will happen, often times they do... :/ And know that there are people here for you, whenever you need to rant/vent/get your feelings out. We're here to listen, and to respond. You're a great person, you don't deserve to die. You deserve to live and to be important. And if no one else thinks you're important, know that I do. You're important to me. :)


I totally agree Marshki, Your not a waste, and your not ugly. I also feel the same way nearly everyday, I cracked at my dad the other day because he commented of what I was wearing.
You are important to alot of people on here, Like me. You dont deserve to die, no one does.

Feel better. xx

[Triceratops]

Thank you ever so much, Leigh and Underground_Network (I don't yet know your real name).

That meant so much to me, I can't even describe it right here.
You've helped me a hell of a lot :) xxx

[Underground_Network]

Marshki, my name is Adam, but you can call me Underground or U_N or whatever you'd like, I don't really mind. It's great to hear you're feeling better; and remember that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here to listen. :)