I was almost caught.

[nachtspiegel]

I had to go back to see the surgeon that will be doing a surgery of mine (that has been pushed all the way to May because of back-ups and my history of no-showing at doctor's appointments, which isn't usually my fault,) but anyway, I had to have a testicular exam. If it had been any other doctor, I would've had to drop my pants all the way to my ankles, but before I could (and while I was beginning to shake in doing so,) the doctor that was examining me told me that I could hold them above my knees because the exam would only take a few moments.
At this point, I have a bunch of deep, open cuts on both of my legs, plus a phrase that I carved into my left leg that looks infected. If he had seen those, I would've been sent back to the hospital. I was literally, within a few inches of getting caught.
I am breathing a sigh of relief, but at the same time, the urges are getting stronger by the moment and I know that, before long, I'm going to lose all control and disappear to my room again...

[laxgoalie182]

i know its hard man. Im emo and everyone hates me for it and people always report me for cutting...and i have to talk to my school counselors. I always denie i do but only i know thats a lie. Just make SURE u dont tell anyone u do.

[just-me]

ive never told anyone like that, but sometimes, isnt there a part of you that wishes you would get caught, to get saved from all this?

[nachtspiegel]

My mother, my sisters, and my closest friends know that I do it. They avoid it, so it makes it easier. Sometimes, I do wish I would get caught again, but at the same time, I have a lot going on in my life that I cannot leave for another stint in another placement.

[Bobby]

D, please don't do it. It's not worth it to hurt yourself. You can find other ways to let your emotions and pain. Writing. Excercise. Art. Anything that doesn't involve harming yourself.

[nachtspiegel]

I haven't even been hiding it well enough anymore. About a week ago, I quit caring. I've walked up to my mom covered in blood before and she didn't bat an eyelash. (It wasn't something that I intended to happen, but that night, I wasn't all the way there.)
Bobby, exercise usually works. Writing works really well but my stories always end up having a morbid twist that is full of triggers, and I haven't quite learned how to get a grip on that.

[Bobby]

Maybe try what I write. Comedy. It's fun to write. It doesn't even have to be funny. Just trying is funny.