Buggahh
November 9th, 2008, 12:39 PM
Okay well firstly I have no idea where to put this so I'm sorry if this is not the right place for it. It includes elements of some of the other things mentioned in the psychiatric ward.
I don't know how much sense this is going to make so I'll apologise for that too, I guess it just goes to show how mixed up things are in my head.
Okay so most things you start at the beginning well, it all kind of began before i was born, so I guess that's where I'll start. My dads disabled with spinal muscular atrophy which is a muscle wasting disease. He always used to get bullied, and called names like cripple and spastic and he got the nickname will after world cup willy the England mascot thingy because he couldn’t play football. He had speech problems too sausages would come out as hosages or losages so he missed lots of school because for weeks on end he would have to go to speech therapy for most of the day meaning he could only go into school for like one lesson a day so then there became a gap in his education.
Then my dad met my mum and they got on really well and started working together my mums parents never really seemed to like my dad and would leave him out of things and ask him to run my aunt around everywhere she’d have piles and piles of food but my dad was never told why. Then when my mum and him were going to get married her parents were like are you sure his condition will get worse and then you’ll have to look after him and stuff not long after they were married my brother was born. They lived in a mobile home and my dad would be working all the time then when my brother was 2 my dad was made redundant.
My mum fell pregnant again but miscarried accusing my dad of not caring and not being upset then my sister came along and still everything was okay.
Four years later I was born we moved house and everywhere was a mess stuff was all over the floor the house was falling apart and I got asthma as I was growing up my dad would force feed me I’d be sat on the sofa in tears my mum and dad would be shouting and I was so scared it was horrible, everyone was arguing my dad would try hitting me saying behave or say hello to Mr.Smack he’d hit people with his walking stick threw a knife at my brother I think my mum was violent too and they both grew apart. My dad would have to stay with me while we were shopping because my mum would neglect me concentrate on my sister and how she looked what she wore i got told that what i like was horrible or i was too fat to wear that my sister was like the golden girl.
One night i remember there being a huge arguement between my dad Nan Grandad and aunt things just kept getting worse and then one year on new years even my dad fell down the stairs and cracked his head open he’s never been upstairs since so my mum and dad would sleep downstairs although every morning they would have to move the boxes off of the seats and stuff my Nan hit me too
my dad broke his ankle and my mum had an affair with a family friend someone who’s transgendered i got told it was my fault that if I wasn’t born that my mum would of left and everything would be okay my dad self harmed I wanted to go home with him but he wouldn’t let me and then I got home and had to clear up his cuts and sort him out while he cried watch him sleep see him try and kill himself twice and go to the hospital with him then my best friend killed himself etc etc etc you get the idea I guess. From all this has come my bad temper and a lot of bullying
I haven't been allowed counselling because they say that I haven't got an eating disorder or a mental illness and the doctor thinks I've got depression but I have tried to make myself sick a few times but it never properly worked luckily.
I've been used by boys and kissed a girl my heads all over the place I dunno what's going on :/
I've been mugged and stuff too and had to go to court and my friends have lots of problems so i try to support them as much as i can i might of missed a few things out but thats the main jist of things
I don't know how much sense this is going to make so I'll apologise for that too, I guess it just goes to show how mixed up things are in my head.
Okay so most things you start at the beginning well, it all kind of began before i was born, so I guess that's where I'll start. My dads disabled with spinal muscular atrophy which is a muscle wasting disease. He always used to get bullied, and called names like cripple and spastic and he got the nickname will after world cup willy the England mascot thingy because he couldn’t play football. He had speech problems too sausages would come out as hosages or losages so he missed lots of school because for weeks on end he would have to go to speech therapy for most of the day meaning he could only go into school for like one lesson a day so then there became a gap in his education.
Then my dad met my mum and they got on really well and started working together my mums parents never really seemed to like my dad and would leave him out of things and ask him to run my aunt around everywhere she’d have piles and piles of food but my dad was never told why. Then when my mum and him were going to get married her parents were like are you sure his condition will get worse and then you’ll have to look after him and stuff not long after they were married my brother was born. They lived in a mobile home and my dad would be working all the time then when my brother was 2 my dad was made redundant.
My mum fell pregnant again but miscarried accusing my dad of not caring and not being upset then my sister came along and still everything was okay.
Four years later I was born we moved house and everywhere was a mess stuff was all over the floor the house was falling apart and I got asthma as I was growing up my dad would force feed me I’d be sat on the sofa in tears my mum and dad would be shouting and I was so scared it was horrible, everyone was arguing my dad would try hitting me saying behave or say hello to Mr.Smack he’d hit people with his walking stick threw a knife at my brother I think my mum was violent too and they both grew apart. My dad would have to stay with me while we were shopping because my mum would neglect me concentrate on my sister and how she looked what she wore i got told that what i like was horrible or i was too fat to wear that my sister was like the golden girl.
One night i remember there being a huge arguement between my dad Nan Grandad and aunt things just kept getting worse and then one year on new years even my dad fell down the stairs and cracked his head open he’s never been upstairs since so my mum and dad would sleep downstairs although every morning they would have to move the boxes off of the seats and stuff my Nan hit me too
my dad broke his ankle and my mum had an affair with a family friend someone who’s transgendered i got told it was my fault that if I wasn’t born that my mum would of left and everything would be okay my dad self harmed I wanted to go home with him but he wouldn’t let me and then I got home and had to clear up his cuts and sort him out while he cried watch him sleep see him try and kill himself twice and go to the hospital with him then my best friend killed himself etc etc etc you get the idea I guess. From all this has come my bad temper and a lot of bullying
I haven't been allowed counselling because they say that I haven't got an eating disorder or a mental illness and the doctor thinks I've got depression but I have tried to make myself sick a few times but it never properly worked luckily.
I've been used by boys and kissed a girl my heads all over the place I dunno what's going on :/
I've been mugged and stuff too and had to go to court and my friends have lots of problems so i try to support them as much as i can i might of missed a few things out but thats the main jist of things