baseballboy7
November 8th, 2008, 11:35 PM
I grew up the happiest person ever. My middle school years were so fun. I was known and liked by everyone. It was awesome getting to know girls and starting to get involved with them. High School came around and I took advantage of it like a kid in the movie. I partied, didn't take the drama seriously, and I lived it up. I played baseball, football, and basketball all four years. Unfortunately, all of this made my grades suffer. However, I got into 12 out of the 13 colleges I applied to and everything was flawless. I have the greatest friend and my best, Brittany, has been there for me since day 1.
I am now a sophomore in college and all of a sudden, nothing makes me happy anymore. Sports used to be my "escape." Now, I play sports and it just doesn't make me happy. I go out to parties and everything... doesn't make me happy. When I am sober, I am not happy. When I'm drunk, I have a great time. It's not a good thing.
My best friend, Brittany, is who keeps me going. I cannot live without her. Unfortunately, she goes to college 1000 miles away and we see each other only when we go home for breaks. It's tough because I could use her so much to help me feel better than I have. I tell her everything going on in my life and while it helps to talk to her on the phone, it's not the same as what it is in actuality.
I've thought about suicide. I don't think I have the capability to do that to myself, but it's crossed my mind numerous times. I think about what I'm doing now being a student in college, it makes everyone happy to see me doing well, except myself. What am I going to college for? What am I living for? I'm living to just... I don't even know.
Maybe it's being away from my family and friends. Maybe it's the stress of school.
I have a lot of friends at my University now, but none that I can fully trust and open up to, which makes it hard.
I'm just so mentally and physically drained that I actually look forward going to sleep.
Why am I like this? Nothing makes me happy anymore and the only person that knows how to comfort and make me happy isn't even here with me most of the time now that college has come around.
Maybe there isn't much of a question here, but I needed a place to just drop my feelings and hope that someone is there reading this and can relate to it.
One love, everyone.
I am now a sophomore in college and all of a sudden, nothing makes me happy anymore. Sports used to be my "escape." Now, I play sports and it just doesn't make me happy. I go out to parties and everything... doesn't make me happy. When I am sober, I am not happy. When I'm drunk, I have a great time. It's not a good thing.
My best friend, Brittany, is who keeps me going. I cannot live without her. Unfortunately, she goes to college 1000 miles away and we see each other only when we go home for breaks. It's tough because I could use her so much to help me feel better than I have. I tell her everything going on in my life and while it helps to talk to her on the phone, it's not the same as what it is in actuality.
I've thought about suicide. I don't think I have the capability to do that to myself, but it's crossed my mind numerous times. I think about what I'm doing now being a student in college, it makes everyone happy to see me doing well, except myself. What am I going to college for? What am I living for? I'm living to just... I don't even know.
Maybe it's being away from my family and friends. Maybe it's the stress of school.
I have a lot of friends at my University now, but none that I can fully trust and open up to, which makes it hard.
I'm just so mentally and physically drained that I actually look forward going to sleep.
Why am I like this? Nothing makes me happy anymore and the only person that knows how to comfort and make me happy isn't even here with me most of the time now that college has come around.
Maybe there isn't much of a question here, but I needed a place to just drop my feelings and hope that someone is there reading this and can relate to it.
One love, everyone.