Embarassing as hell, but I'd like to resolve this...

[Kieran11]

Hi,

I'm a 17-year-old Caucasian male with a very peculiar set of problems/situations. Yes, I have read the topics of post this and that here but I have more than one question and this is insanely complicated and will take a little time to explain completely. I'd appreciate some advice from those of you nice enough to read and consider my situation fully.

I come from a very old fashioned, namely British, family where the topic of sex let alone the 'nether' regions is never discussed. I was heavily encouraged to 'keep my head down and focus on school and worry about such matters far later on in life as they are certainly not relevant when you're under twenty.' So that's exactly what I did. I'm an excellent student with few friends who has never kissed a girl/guy or sadly masturbated. Until recently I thought this was normal and the lifestyle portrayed by network television a grossly exaggerated work of fiction. I felt pulls toward certain people very rarely but would usually ignore them and wait for it to pass. Eventually with family problems I became very depressed and was put on a medium dose of Prozac.

I've moved away from my family for a year thanks to a scholarship at another school abroad. I've met some nice people and have been able to relax a little more and make friends for the first time in a long time. I also felt a very strong pull toward two people for the first time in my life. First a girl, and then a guy. The physical features of puberty seem to have occurred (body-hair acne) although late. It seems however, the emotional side is vastly under-developed.

Before my trip the subject of sex and the like I found very taboo but upon talking to some friends about it, it surprised me to learn that it was very normal for people my age to be sexually active albeit carefully. (And they are not promiscuous prostitutes as originally taught by ye old traditions.) Gradually as I've become more comfortable talking about sex (seriously even saying 'dirty' words was liable to cause a brain hemorrhage. Writing this message is a huge step for me). I've been able to analyze what I've felt and what I've been feeling. I think I may be bisexual. I also feel like freak for being left so far behind. I fear that I might become something along the lines of the 40-year-old virgin. As I become closer to my friends we began talking about more personal matters.

I was speaking to one of these friends recently and the topic came to masturbation. He asked me how often I masturbated. I've never felt deprived. My friend recommended that I try it as it is supposedly beneficial for a host of reasons and I am not religious. I of course did not ask how my friend arranged his "affairs" but when I got home I realized I had no idea really what to do. I did some research (and this site among others popped up) and I tried, twice with disappointing results. I achieved an erection and nothing much else. Quite honestly I found it boring and could not really see how people could be supposedly "addicted."

Now I have had 1 nocturnal emission in the past (and that was most pleasurable.) Is that what it's supposed to feel like? What am I doing wrong here? Apparently as I have not masturbated at all before I should be getting nocturnal emissions once a week. Knowing that Prozac is a libido killer, I have carefully discontinued taking the drug confident that I will not slip back into depression. I now notice myself feeling frustrated. That I’m not giving something my body needs. I now dream of the prefect relationship and would really like to give it a shot for the first time in my life.

On to problem 2: With my new feelings of romantic nature, I have no idea what to do with them. Yes yes, masturbation is a common cure but the problem persists of me not knowing really what to do and failing at 2 prior attempts. My friends both back home and here suggested porn (and boy did they have ample supply…) Porn does nothing to me as the sight of the organs in use at that time repulse me. I am much more responsive to suggestion than full-blown exposure. I do however react (physically and emotionally) to good-looking guys AND girls, as long as we stay above the equator so to speak. Half of me wants to explore the world of sex yet the traditional me stamps that down. Have most 17 year olds had physical relationships by now? (not necessarily having sex but… experimenting?) How the heck am I supposed to even get to this stage when I can’t even masturbate!? When I think about it, I would only want to do it with someone I loved and know loved me, not just for meaningless sex (or w/e). I feel a new yearning to explore this forbidden world. Does that make me… slutty so to speak? I mean I don’t have, and have never had, people falling all over me – I’m not physically attractive – so I have no experience in such feelings…

As if that wasn’t enough, during my second attempt at masturbation and research I noticed another difference. I am uncircumcised, and noticed it hurt to pull the foreskin back all that far. It seemed to be attached to the head somehow. Is this normal? It almost looks as if it is a part of the urethra…

Some have told me to see a sex therapist about some of these things, however I seem to be making progress on my own with the advice of others. My questions after this elegy are:

1) What am I doing wrong on the masturbation front?
2) Am I experiencing a late part of puberty here?
3) Is it normal to have physical relationships at this age?
4) What is wrong with my penis?

Sincerely,

Kieran

[Donkey]

1) What am I doing wrong on the masturbation front?
I suggest you talk to your doctor about being able to ejaculate, because at your age you should be able to.
2) Am I experiencing a late part of puberty here?
From the beginning of puberty, usually people experience strong sexual feelings. It's completely normal and will "ware off".
3) Is it normal to have physical relationships at this age?
Yes, it is normal.
4) What is wrong with my penis?
It is called a tight foreskin. 50% of 15 year olds cannot retract their foreskin. It's completely normal. You can try:
1. Stretching back as far as you can and keeping it there for about 10-15 minutes a day.
2. Going to the doctors for steroids cream which helps thin and weaken the skin.
3. Receive circumcision (should only be used as a last resort). This is probably the easiest way, but people have mixed views about it.
I'm pretty sure it's normal to have the skin come up from the bottom of the penis at the back to come to the top and have the little thin bit coming in on the tip of the penis, if that's what you mean. I have it too. I'm not 100% sure about it though.

[Kieran11]

It's not that I can't it's just... not all that arousing...

[zoig]

Kieran11
1) Don't worry, it comes naturally if you haven't evolved a style you like don't and force it just to ejaculate, visit www.jackinworld.com get some tips and *RELAX* you wont actually get turned on if you are stressed about getting turned on, it's not a race; You are certainly unusual in not perpetually wanking like most of us but youre not a freak (and you don't have to make up for lost time!!)
2/3) you could be bi, but only you can make that identification!! It could just be that you are finding your place in the world (after living such a sheltered life so far) and you may settle for one or the other, don't worry about it, enjoy yourself.
That said be carefull not to come on too strong with someone and wig them out but sound out your marks. again by age 17 most people will have had a fair bit of experiance with relationships but actually it's still pretty common to be a virgin at 17 (dispite what lads may brag about it) again don't worry about it and rush into something you may regret.
4) If you have never tried to retract your skin it could be tight and it will have 17 years worth of gunk stuck under there.
You can slowly stretch it back to the point just before it hurts, then wash as much smegma off etc as possible, keep it stretched for a few mins then let it relax over time this will help relax and stretch the skin and you will gradually get the skin to go back over the head.
Take your time and don't force it, you will break the skin and cause problems or the skin can get stuck behind the head which will cause big problems for you.
If stretching the skin is taking too long pop down to your docs and get some steroid cream, this will soften the skin and help with stretching.
As for circumcision, don't do it unless there is no other option dude.
The ridge of skin that runs from the underside of your head to your forskin is the frenulum, it's perfectly normal and a very sensative and plesurable area, it's quite often remove in circumcision.
http://www.norm-uk.org/circumcision_alternative_treatments.html

[yeahdude]

... Umm wow quite a life lead. I don't have an answer I was just impressed by all the well thought out words. It felt like i was reading a sad novel. Anyway turn some pron or, get some lube and just do it like there is no tommorow. If that don't work than I don't know, I guess I would have to go full on and have sex with someone. Keep you eyes open for the right man or woman.



P.S. I'll say it again wow. nice story. wow.

[Neverender]

1) What am I doing wrong on the masturbation front?
Well wet dreams aren't usually pleasurable, because your alseep. your probably a late bloomer. but your body is making sperm so just give it time

2) Am I experiencing a late part of puberty here?
I would say yes. your what is called a late bloomer. its normal, and you'll catch up.

3) Is it normal to have physical relationships at this age?
yes, it is, but it isn't like all teens are having sex. some may and other might not. but you don't have to have sex if you don't want to.

4) What is wrong with my penis?
This may help

You can do the following to stretch your foreskin so it comes back more easily:

1. Pull back your foreskin all the way for 5 minutes
2. Jack off
3. Repeat once a day for a month

You should see improvement after only a few weeks. But remember, don't, ever, under any circumstances should you ever pull your foreskin back completely so far that it rips. It will be a pain the likes of which you have never felt and will never feel again.

[homerallii1]

1) What am I doing wrong on the masturbation front?

Kieran Some people just are masturbators. Perhaps you just don't feel comfortable with the feeling of doing it to yourself. Its completely normal. You were raised quite strictly i assume. You were told to do your schoolwork, and you couldnt talk or even think about sex without feeling guilty. All of those are components in the reason you cant masturbate. If you dont feel comfortable you dont, and to masturbate you have to be relaxed, comfortable, and completely calm. Next time you see "that guy/girl" and you see you've 'struck wood' go ahead and just try thinking about that special person. and try to masturbate. But if you just dont masturbate, you have to find 'the one' and have sex. If you've never masturbated and dont feel an obligation to masturbate... Just dont! noone NEEDS to masturbate, its a personal preference.

2) Am I experiencing a late part of puberty here?
Umm i dont think that has much to do with your situation, but it sounds as if you are a late bloomer as am i.

3) Is it normal to have physical relationships at this age?
well I'm 13, but yes, anywhere from like 14-19 is acceptable to have a relationship. I've personally not gotten very far, just a kiss here and there, a little mutual masturbation, nothing big.

4) What is wrong with my penis?
Like the others said just pull the foreskin back to the point it hurts, and hold it for a while. Eventually you'll have no problem pulling it back.


HOPE THIS HELPED

P.S- I dont know if the OP is still watching, but i guess anyone reading this can learn, eh?

`Bobby!

[Kieran11]

Answer to the Nocturnal Emission Question/Comment: The reason it was enjoyable was b/c it was a lucid dream....

As to the masturbation: It feels like I've a growing need for something now that I'm not near my family and have in a way discovered part of myself. I feel like I need to release it but something's holding me back on that front... it feels like I CAN physically do it but just... wont let go. It's like I can't get into the "mood" so to speak...

I hope this makes sense... (Mind you I'm not really sure how to describe it)

[george]

Apparently as I have not masturbated at all before I should be getting nocturnal emissions once a week.

I don't think this is totally true, though I'm sure if you've never masturbated, you would get a nocturnal emission (wet dream). It doesn't mean you would get them periodically like you said. Also, you can feel anything when you have a wet DREAM because your asleep. If you saying you had a good dream (lucid dream) then ok I can see how that's enjoyable.

Have most 17 year olds had physical relationships by now? (not necessarily having sex but… experimenting?)
Is it normal to have physical relationships at this age?

Now a days, a lot of 17 year olds have had sex or experimented (oral sex, anal sex, etc) but then many 17 year olds have also never had a physical relationship too. It shouldn't matter right now but of course guys in highschool are all about "gettin some."

When I think about it, I would only want to do it with someone I loved and know loved me, not just for meaningless sex (or w/e).

There's nothing wrong with that and more guys should think that way. Sex should be something that only happens between two people that have feelings for each other, not just their sexual organs. If and when you do find someone you love, just remember to use a condom :P

I am uncircumcised, and noticed it hurt to pull the foreskin back all that far. It seemed to be attached to the head somehow. Is this normal?
What is wrong with my penis?

Yes it is normal though when you say "attached", its probably just really tight and there's nothing wrong with your penis that can't be fixed. It happens to a lot of guys that are circumcised and it's totally normal. What you want to do is start stretching it out every day, maybe in the shower, by pulling back your foreskin to the point where if you pulled it back any further, it would hurt and just keep doing that everyday. Soon after a month or so you'll notice that your foreskin goes farther down the head when you pull it back.

What am I doing wrong on the masturbation front?
Sadly, I would like to help you out more but because of the rules we can go into much detail. Here's a good website that should help you out. www.jackinworld.com You could just not be much of a masturbation person or maybe you're just not used to it.

Am I experiencing a late part of puberty here?

Well you should try taking the puberty stage calculator. (http://www.lavistachurchofchrist.org/LVstudies/GrowingUpInTheLord/Boys/TannerStage.htm) It will help you out in figuring out what should be happening but its not EXACTLY what should happen because everyone is different. You're probably just getting into the whole "raging hormones" and "wanting to have sex/being sexually active" because you were so closed off to everything.

[MisterAndrews]

Hi, well done for sharing.

First of all, don't pull on your foreskin its supposed to be attached and it will loosen in time.

Secondly i really admire you for sharing this story with everyone but i'm scared to give advice because I think that there may be some mental damage at the cause. My advice would be to see a sex therapist because they are the professionals, not us. Our advice is fine when its not major. This may be quite serious.

Well done and good luck :-)

[Kieran11]

Well I do and I don't want to do that. I've seen therapists before (aka during aforementioned break down) (mind you not sex therapists, but we did talk about sex once or twice) and quite honestly, it was the thinking I did on my own and the talked I did with people I trusted that helped the most. Often I find therapists don't help (and I know this sounds arrogant and presumptuous) for the reason that I seem to be smarter than they are. I don't know if this is because I'm dealing with myself or the fact that I was the shoulder to cry on in High School and have done a fair amount of therapy myself. Fear not giving me advice. I'm merely trying to find something I haven't already considered from people who are completely removed from the situation; who don't have my blind spots. I take the advice as merely that: advice. An opinion is an opinion professional or not and I can tell if it is relative and/or helpful.

As for being scary and damaged? I've known for while and I'm doing what I can to repair. This post is an example of that.

[Sapphire]

If the explicit graphic nature of porn does nothing for you, maybe try reading erotic stories. They allow your imagination to play a greater role and you have the joy of being able to "gloss over" some of those less appealing aspects.

It isn't a bad thing that you have no interest in meaningless sex. Sex with someone you truly love has much more meaning and is much better than when you have sex with someone you aren't as connected with.

Your apparent inability to enjoy masturbation is not indicative of any major issues. Some people just don't enjoy it. Having sex, on the other hand, is a lot different and more enjoyable.

[Kieran11]

Again, I've been feeling like I've getting "pent up." I've ejaculated before during a lucid dream and wish I could recreate the feeling.

As for erotic stories honestly... most of them that I have seen seem cheap and tawdry.

Ugh I feel like crap right now.

[Sapphire]

You can buy books with erotic stories in them. As far as I have seen, these tend to be of a better quality than ones on the net.

[xdeviancex]

I think the reason you're having such a difficult time with this matter is just because you haven't been as exposed to it, so you're sexual appetite isn't that big. You'll have to get down and dirty and try your hardest to get emotionally attached to this stuff, it's complete pleasure. Since you're making this sound like you're rather new to everything, I guess the only thing I could suggest is that you go to a party in you're college if they have any, because when you're dancing and grinding against someone, and once again at those times at night, females are very naughty. So it should be easy for you to get a lot of hormones raging, hehe, it's fun, have you ever heard of "grinding"?

When dancing, a lot of people start grinding, meaning it is all skin contact, dry humping, and it just drives you're hormones mad. I'm sure after all of the experience, you will have a understanding of what you're looking for when masturbating, and you'll know what and how to think of.

[Jean Poutine]

I feel like I am qualified to only give advice one one thing in your post :

Have most 17 year olds had physical relationships by now? (not necessarily having sex but… experimenting?)
probably. however, I'm one year older than you and I never had so much as a hug from a girl. to be really, really honest, I haven't come close even once. the most a girl ever did with me is touch my arm, but she was an empathetic kind of person and kinda touchy-touchy, so it doesn't count.

you're not alone in that situation and I can assure you it's not the end of the world. I say don't rush it. it'll happen when it'll happen. I don't worry about these things yet.

[Kieran11]

Well I'd like to thank all of you for your help. I've still not yet masturbated successfully but things do seem clearer than they were before. I keep trying to go back to the lucid wet dream I had quite some time ago and wish I could recreate that feeling at will as many of you seem to be able to. If any of you have advice or have experienced something similar, please post.

As for my romance life, well I think I may have found someone I'd like to try a relationship with.

[Art_dude]

wow. I think you should be congratulated for putting this personal story out there and taking the initiative to begin to understand yourself and your sexuality. That is not easy to do.

I would say with great confidence (though this is just me) is that because of your sheltered life from your ridiculously strict upbringing, you missed some crucial steps in development both emotionally and sexually. Teenagers need to learn how to be comfort with their own bodies and others as well. Obviously you have not had a 'normal ' upbringing. But the good news is you can learn what you missed, but of course it will be difficult and odd because you are just starting to learn while others around you are 'ahead'. I would firstly suggest that you begin becoming comfortable being naked with yourself. This involves discovering things about your body and exploring those fun areas you didn't have a chance to discover as kid. As you work your way up try becoming comfortable being nude around others - peeking a curiosity about others. Start by swimming (having your shirt off around other people) or taking showers in a locker room. Then I would suggest looking up the myriad of hot models and such to fantasize about. I'm personally a big fan of alina vacariu, and adriana lima lol :P Start talking to girls (or boys). Watch teenage t.v. and get a glimpse into the somewhat (but real) subculture of our lives. Then have just have sex.

[L]

wow... thats quite a story... you should write a book.

theres nothing i could tell you that other people above me havent already said, but wow, write a book! :yes:

[nick]

I come from a very old fashioned, namely British, family where the topic of sex let alone the 'nether' regions is never discussed. I was heavily encouraged to 'keep my head down and focus on school and worry about such matters far later on in life as they are certainly not relevant when you're under twenty.' So that's exactly what I did.

Hey are you trying to give the UK a bad name. Sorry but don't think this is real. 17 year old who hasn't had a jerk, no way.

[Kieran11]

No, I am not trying to give the UK a bad name. I'm very positive on the UK and have plenty of family over there. I merely mentioned "British" values and whatnot as a sort of guideline for explanation. If you look at old films of how British people presented themselves, you'll have an idea of how my family operates and what they believe.

As for the remark that I'm a liar, I am sorry you cannot imagine the world of a 17 year-old male beyond that of his penis.

[Axellance]

Hey are you trying to give the UK a bad name. Sorry but don't think this is real. 17 year old who hasn't had a jerk, no way.
If you had never been exposed to anything of a sexual nature you wouldn't have masturbated either. I feel this is a true story, and I urge the op to ignore the impolite response questioning his honesty.

Now for my response:
I come from a very old fashioned, namely British, family where the topic of sex let alone the 'nether' regions is never discussed. I was heavily encouraged to 'keep my head down and focus on school and worry about such matters far later on in life as they are certainly not relevant when you're under twenty.' So that's exactly what I did.

While I see how this can hinder you from many experiences in early life, and as a young adult, I do not think this is a bad thing. I think its great that you opted to focus on your school work, you are as a result of this better set up for your future (college ect.) I do understand your confusion suddenly being exposed to this world of sex, and relationships.

I thought this was normal and the lifestyle portrayed by network television a grossly exaggerated work of fiction. I felt pulls toward certain people very rarely but would usually ignore them and wait for it to pass. Eventually with family problems I became very depressed and was put on a medium dose of Prozac.

There is no normal lifestyle just what works for you and your family, don’t feel like you are abnormal just because you are different, you family may not be “mainstream” but it is a healthy lifestyle albeit a little too sheltered. Network television is exaggerated, and due to its nature teens are tending to be more sexually active because they are exposed to this material at younger ages, and it is shown in a pleasurable/enjoyable way which is compelling to impressionable young minds. I am glad that you where able to take care of the depression before it became a large problem.

I've met some nice people and have been able to relax a little more and make friends for the first time in a long time. I also felt a very strong pull toward two people for the first time in my life. First a girl, and then a guy. The physical features of puberty seem to have occurred (body-hair acne) although late. It seems however, the emotional side is vastly under-developed.

It’s also great that you are making friends, that is helpful for social development. That “strong pull” you are referring to would be physical attraction, you seem to be a nice guy and I hope you do not let people walk all over you when you start dating, it’s not a good position to be in. If you are feeling both physical and sexual attraction to men and women you are probably bisexual, no need to go putting labels on yourself yet though. I think you should just go with the flow for now and see how things play out. You are still exploring the world of relationships and could very well simply be confused. It is not uncommon for people to go through puberty yet still be emotionally immature; I would argue that you are more mature than most people at your age.


-Before my trip the subject of sex and the like I found very taboo but upon talking to some friends about it, it surprised me to learn that it was very normal for people my age to be sexually active albeit carefully. (And they are not promiscuous prostitutes as originally taught by ye old traditions.) Gradually as I've become more comfortable talking about sex (seriously even saying 'dirty' words was liable to cause a brain hemorrhage. Writing this message is a huge step for me). I've been able to analyze what I've felt and what I've been feeling.

It is normal for teens to be sexually active but not healthy or beneficial, if you are in a long time relationship it is perhaps acceptable however, it does cause complications in live that you have avoided by not doing it.

I also feel like freak for being left so far behind. I fear that I might become something along the lines of the 40-year-old virgin. As I become closer to my friends we began talking about more personal matters.

Do not feel like a freak for being left behind, you are perfectly fine and its not a big deal you will catch up just do it in a responsible way. You will not become a 40 year old virgin, don’t worry about any of that because you are working on catching up and you will be there before you know it.

What am I doing wrong on the masturbation front?

I think, as it is evident that you can ejaculate. It will feel better if you ejaculate while you masturbate because as you ejaculate you will orgasm which is where all the pleasure is in masturbation. I think you may be becoming bored with it rather than continuing until you do achieve this amazing feeling. You may want to look up techniques, be advised that you could run into some pornography doing so but this will help you get a grip on different ways to hold your hand and such. Just continue for a long enough time rather than stopping short.

Have most teens experimented by now?

Yes but not all you are ok, I have not done much at all so you are good I think you shouldn’t worry about it so much.

I feel a new yearning to explore this forbidden world. Does that make me… slutty so to speak?

No, not at all, this is a completely natural feeling that every teen feels. You are far from slutty. Teens, with the hormones in there bodys do tend to want to experiment its completely normal.

As if that wasn’t enough, during my second attempt at masturbation and research I noticed another difference. I am uncircumcised, and noticed it hurt to pull the foreskin back all that far

You can try pulling it back as far as possible without pain on a regular basis and it will eventually stretch allowing you to fully retract it.

[Kieran11]

Thank you for your thoughtful response Axellance. Not many people would be willing to donate the time and energy that you did in your response.

As for masturbation, yes I do get bored. Isn't the pleasure derived from masturbation the build up to the point of ejaculation? Also, how long should I be doing this for?

[Art_dude]

Thank you for your thoughtful response Axellance. Not many people would be willing to donate the time and energy that you did in your response.

As for masturbation, yes I do get bored. Isn't the pleasure derived from masturbation the build up to the point of ejaculation? Also, how long should I be doing this for?

You don't have to think of this whole thing as a 'goal oriented formula' of 1. get erection. 2. lube up 3. masturbate. Try to let go of all of your intellect when doing it. Simply breathe, let go, and have fun with it. It doesn't have to work out the first time: start experimenting with yourself. If you want to read up and research I suggest reading biographies and articles from this great website,

www.jackinworld.com

[Skeln]

1) What am I doing wrong on the masturbation front?
You are either not mastrubating long enough or you are a "late bloomer" so to speak
2) Am I experiencing a late part of puberty here?
Their are many emotional changes during puberty, and you are going through them at this time in your life. It will wear off.
3) Is it normal to have physical relationships at this age?
Depends. Some say yes, while others say no. It is comon to have a boyfriend/girlfriend...but I do not think the majority of teens have had sex. it's about 50/50 and i suggest staying away from it until you finish school. The last thing you need is to be failing school because you're too occupies with sex.
4) What is wrong with my penis?
It is probably nothing. Either you have tight foreskin, or you are seeing the skin attatched to the bottom of the head of the penis and the foreskin.

[Axellance]

Thank you for your thoughtful response Axellance. Not many people would be willing to donate the time and energy that you did in your response.

As for masturbation, yes I do get bored. Isn't the pleasure derived from masturbation the build up to the point of ejaculation? Also, how long should I be doing this for?

While there is some pleasure in the "build up" the really great part of it is the orgasm and ejaculation. You simply are not going long enough and you need to continue until you ejaculate. The nocturnal emission likely felt so amazing because you did ejaculate and orgasm. You may want to try using some sort of lubrication because while i don't like it, some people find it makes things easier. Just be patient if you are really adamant about figuring this out.