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View Full Version : Dear Father, I will see you on distant shores.


diStURbEd
November 27th, 2005, 05:16 PM
I have been scarred so deep by life and cold despair, and brittle bones were broken far beyond repair. I have leveled lies so deep, the truth may never find. And inside my faithless heart, I stole things never mine.

If mercy falls upon the broken and the poor, Dear Father, I will see you, there on distant shores.

I have toiled for countless years and ever felt the cost, and I've been burned by this world's cold, like leaves beneath the frost. On my knees I've crawled to You, bleeding myself dry. But the price of life is more, than I could ever buy.

And off of the blocks, I was headstrong and proud, at the front of the line for the card-carrying, highbrowed. With both eyes fastened tight, yet unscarred from the fight. Running at full tilt, my sword pulled from its hilt. It's funny how these things can slip away, our frail deeds, the last will wave good-bye. It's funny how the hope will bleed away, the citadels we build and fortify. Good-Bye.

Night came and I broke my stride, I swallowed hard, but never cried. When grace was easy to forget, I'd denounce the hypocrites, casting first stones, killing my own. You would unscale my blind eyes, and I stood battered, but more wise, fighting to accelerate, shaking free from crippling weight. With resilience unsurpassed, I clawed my way to You at last. And on my knees, I wept at Your feet, I finally believed, that You still loved me.

Thanks to Five Iron Frenzy

TheWizard
November 28th, 2005, 04:43 AM
Yeah its very very good. You are a great writer and thats something you can share with the world.

David you belong at VT and have helped others here. VT wouldn't be as good if it weren't for you.

Lost_and_fallen
November 28th, 2005, 09:21 AM
I'm usually quite biased when it comes to poetry with any religious reference, I tend to dislike them for some inexplicable reason, but I really liked this.
I thought your vocabulary was good, it rhymed well and it was really imaginative.
Hope to see more writing from you soon :)

laura

diStURbEd
November 28th, 2005, 03:42 PM
Thankyou for all your feedback

Anonymous
November 28th, 2005, 04:01 PM
http://www.christianlyricsonline.com/artists/five-iron-frenzy/on-distant-shores.html

Congrats, stupid. You stole almost all of that from a song. You grr....plagarism.

diStURbEd
November 29th, 2005, 08:46 PM
Very sorry, I will remeber that in the future

beautifullytragic
December 4th, 2005, 11:40 PM
y'all she did attribute it! "Tjbaoks to Five Iron Frenzy"!

MasterCujo
December 6th, 2005, 09:43 PM
Yea, he did give them credit, bu this site is for ur own creative writing, not to publisize someone elses. If u want to share that, put it in ur profile or sumthin. I don't know about some people, but I like to read peoples profiles, so u can get people to read it there.

beautifullytragic
December 7th, 2005, 01:22 AM
may I suggest this topic be locked? oh, and also, would someone please critique my poems? they are on another post.

Lost_and_fallen
December 8th, 2005, 12:55 PM
Yea, he did give them credit, bu this site is for ur own creative writing, not to publisize someone elses. If u want to share that, put it in ur profile or sumthin. I don't know about some people, but I like to read peoples profiles, so u can get people to read it there.

This forum is for both - you can write your own material or if you want to share another poet/author's work, that's great too :)
Just make sure you attribute it so you're not plagarising.

beautifullytragic
December 8th, 2005, 09:22 PM
aye! I agree heartily to that!