A Trip to the Bay (Area)

[shadow_moses]

So this weekend i was supposed to go with my best friend, and girlfriend to the bay area and my dad who let my brother 6 years ago take his girlfriend to meet our family wont let me take mine to meet my friends and family. I want to confront him since everyone elses parents are ok and i dont know how, any advise?

[Requin]

Just find him when he's in a good mood. Take a deep breath, and walk up to him and ask him why?
You can do it in a subtle way or a direct way, whichever suits you and how your dad would react to them. You know him best after all.
Asking him is the best option, you'll never know otherwise.
Was your brother older back then than you are now? Or are you the same age?

[shadow_moses]

my brother is 21 now and was only 15 when he took his girlfriend to fresno to stay for 3 nights, all i'm asking for is two and between me and my brother i am the more responsible and he is treating me like i am untrustworthy.

[pontiacdriver]

my brother is 21 now and was only 15 when he took his girlfriend to fresno to stay for 3 nights, all i'm asking for is two and between me and my brother i am the more responsible and he is treating me like i am untrustworthy.

I have a feeling that your brother might have done something to which your Father may have objected, and as a result he does not want the same issue happen to you. Without knowing about your overall relationship with your Father it is going to be hard to give you the best advice, but I agree with the post above that you should wait until your Father is in a good mood before talking with him. I think the worst thing you can do is say that everyone else is going on the trip as that is probably only going to make him dig in his heel further. You should use the argument that you are trustworthy and use examples from the past about how you did not violate his trust.

I am sure the pink elephant in the room is that perhaps your Father is afraid that you might do something sexual with your girlfriend. If having sex with your girlfriend is something that your Father clearly does not want you to do at your age, then you need to make it clear that you will not use this trip to circumvent his expectations. Also, you might need to show that you will not be sleeping with your girlfriend assuming that your Father does not want you two to have sex.

As for the trip in general, you need to prove that you will be going with responsible people and that there are adequete safeguards in place just in case something goes wrong. Maybe something went wrong with your brother's trip about which you did not know as you were still in elementary school when his trip happened, and you probably did not have a full understanding of any issues that may have come up.

In worst case scenerio, if you cannot go on this trip and have been otherwise good, then see if you can get some consolation prize such as some extra privilages like using the car for a weekend or something along those lines. If your Father is deadset about your not going, then there is no sense in fighting him, and you are best asking for something else in return for your cooperation.

[shadow_moses]

I think the worst thing you can do is say that everyone else is going on the trip as that is probably only going to make him dig in his heel further.

I am sure the pink elephant in the room is that perhaps your Father is afraid that you might do something sexual with your girlfriend.

As for the trip in general, you need to prove that you will be going with responsible people and that there are adequete safeguards in place just in case something goes wrong. Maybe something went wrong with your brother's trip about which you did not know as you were still in elementary school when his trip happened, and you probably did not have a full understanding of any issues that may have come up.

Well it's not a school trip it's a trip to my mom's like i do every weekend. Its just my girlfriend and her bestfriend were going to come down. So although were going to be watched by my mom, her best friend, my friends, my friends parents, and whoever else is around its still just wierd.

And also, my brothers trip might not have been as satisfactory, but my father knows that i am nothing like my brother. And the fact that when my brother took his girlfriend everything was just fine, nothing bad happened, but still my dad has me so intimidated to talk to him since i dont want to lose any chance i had of it working, but then i have no chance of making it work.

so for now i ward him away with incense, cologne, and good old fashioned avoidance. and tomorrow night i'll just stay at my brothers watch a movie and go smoke some pot.

[pontiacdriver]

Well it's not a school trip it's a trip to my mom's like i do every weekend. Its just my girlfriend and her bestfriend were going to come down. So although were going to be watched by my mom, her best friend, my friends, my friends parents, and whoever else is around its still just wierd.

And also, my brothers trip might not have been as satisfactory, but my father knows that i am nothing like my brother. And the fact that when my brother took his girlfriend everything was just fine, nothing bad happened, but still my dad has me so intimidated to talk to him since i dont want to lose any chance i had of it working, but then i have no chance of making it work.

so for now i ward him away with incense, cologne, and good old fashioned avoidance. and tomorrow night i'll just stay at my brothers watch a movie and go smoke some pot.


If you expect your plans to work, then you are going to need to talk with your Father as communication is important. If you don't talk and open up with your Father, then that is a big part of your problem. I know that not all families are going to be perfect, but in light of your Father still controlling what you can and cannot do you need to have an open line of communication with him in order for you to understand him and he to do the same with you.

As for your smoking pot, far be it from me to impose my values here, but perhaps if your brother does things your Father finds objectionable, then he probably feels that some of his "bad" habits may rub off on you by virtue of hanging out with the guy. If doing drugs is something that your Father would find bad, then it would be hardly surprising that he has trust issues with you. You have to ask yourself what would cause your Father to have such a bad reaction to your idea and try to look at things from his view so that you can rebut any of his arguments. Again, unless you have an open relationship with the man who more or less controls your life, then you are going to have a tough time getting anything done.

[Halibut]

Well have you talked to him about it? confront him and be blunt.