Umm.

[-Silence]

----- Original Message -----
From: Mother
To: Heather
Sent: Monday, October 31, 2005 6:52 PM
Subject: hello?

Hello,
I understand you are busy, but you don't have any time to just drop a hello? I don't understand what issues you have with me, and I am doing my very best not to interfere.I have not said a word about cutting or anything. I have been trying to start over. But I feel I am trying in vain. What ever I did I am sorry. I just hope you have a good happy life. Even if that means I am not a part of it. I LOVE you more then you will ever know. I just wish the best for you.I will be there for you if you ever do decide you want me to listen,or just be there. I will NEVER give up that hope. I DO love you baby. You are a very smart young lady, don't let anyone ever walk on you. You deserve to be treated good, ALWAYS remember that. Take care. Be good to yourself.

LOve always,
Mom

---

Hello.

First off, I wasn't ignoring you.

My internet access has been taken away, which is why I haven't been able to read or respond to anything that you have sent. Yes, I told you I was busy, mostly because I didn't want questions for why I was in trouble. It wasn't intentional and I wasn't pushing you out of my life. (If I was, why would I still talk to you when you call?)

Issues with you? To be as honest as I can, I've had issues with you for a very long time. Since the divorce. I don't know if you noticed this or not, but everything changed. The way you treated me changed. You either smothered me or pushed me away, there was never a middle ground, and self-harm was the only way for me to cope with it. Then things got even worse, and it became a vicious circle. But enough of that.

In no way am I saying that you are a bad mother. You do love us, I do know that, I hope you do know that we love you back. I think you need to work on your issues and I need to work on mine before we can really "start over". I'm going to take a break from seeing you though, when you come you'll just be seeing Josh. I need to work on things and I don't want my seeing you to interfere with it. I don't want to be taking two steps forward and one back.

I love you and I hope you take care and be safe.

Love,
Heather.


My mother wrote me, as you can see. To be honest, I feel really bad for writing this back to her, I feel guilty, I feel like no matter what happened in the past, I’m supposed to just forgive her when in all reality I just can’t. It STILL gets to me all the time. So much of what I am now is because of what happened back then. My biggest fear is that I’m going to end up just like her.

Sorry…I’m done.

[Kiros]

Heather, it's ok. You said everything in a better way than most people would. I hope that you can work out some things soon, though, so you will have a more comforting relationship with her.
:hug:
If ya wanna talk, I'm available from Monday-Friday, plus weekends, so basically whenever. =]

[-Silence]

She's comming at the end of January. I kinda said that I'd go. :(

She told me that she was going to pick up my grandpa and that he really wanted to see me. I couldn't do that to him, he a great guy and has always been around. So she asked "Will we be seeing you too?" I said yeah.

That also means that I have to spend the nigth in our house in Kissimmee. I hate it. I hate that place. It brings so much back, so much that I've been pushing away just trying to forget. A couple of months ago when we saw her I walked into the house for about five minutes. I was so mad, walking in and seeing everything exactly where its supposed to be, I just wanted to trash it. Then I walked into my room, and I felt sick. Everything in there had a memory attached to it. I'm so glad that we weren't staying there then. but this time we are.

So yeah, of course a month before and I'm already worried.

:?

Sorry, just kinda ranting.

[dying lullaby]

heather, idk how to say this any other way...she is minipulating you.
by mentioning your grandfather she is literaly making you go.
the things she said in the first letter...she is contorting you in every way possible in order to get her way.

"What ever I did I am sorry. I just hope you have a good happy life. Even if that means I am not a part of it."

^when i read that i got so effing mad! she is being a bad mother by putting you in a situation where she is making you choose your happiness over her.

and making you stay in that house should be a big no no...i am very nervous for you going back there. please call me if anything happens or if you just need to talk. we are all here for you Heather. you can do this, but just remember - you dont have to. you can call back and say that you dont want to go back to that house or that if she wants to see you so badly she can come to you not the other way around.

you always have options.
i love you,
Bri

[Φρανκομβριτ]

HEather, you reacted perfectly fine. You were not rude. No one can really just start over again. There are always issues which stick out, and sometimes jump out and overpower the relationship. Your mother sounds like a nice woman, and she is willing to work this out with you. Atleast try to work with her. It my take time, it may take more than time, but be willing to work with her. And about your house, you don't live there anymore, so just try and forget it. All the memories are just that. In the past. We all love you too, remember than aswell. xxx:hug: best wishes,
Rudi

[kolte]

Of course I'm sure we can all understand were your mother is coming from, she wants to be a part of your life, shes obvouisly overcome by greif by the mistakes shes made in the past. and its completely normal for you to resent her love now, when she was reluctent to give it in the past. Just remember, we could die tomarrow, and its best to have clean relationships with everyone. That doesnt mean jump back into her life, but don't block her off completly. It just takes ome mistake, that you regreat for the rest of your life. no matter how bad things have been before, just remember, she wants good now, and she wants you to be happy. So i would try to work things out with her. but thats just me. My father has done some very curel things to me in my life, but thats in the past now, and I know he is very sorry and feels guilty that he did that. so I forgive him. maybe you should forgive your mother?

[TheWizard]

Life sucks sometimes. Hang in there and things will change for the better.

[-Silence]

Please fucking delete this.