Mzor203
November 4th, 2008, 01:47 AM
And this time, I am serious. There's a thing called National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo for short) that probably someone on here has heard about. Basically it's a challenge to write 50,000 words in November, 1,667 words a day. I did it last year, but failed, but this time I'm on track and looking good.
Anyway, I want some feedback on it thus far to see if this is any good. Please note that this is my VERY FIRST DRAFT. There will be things that don't make sense. When I go back and edit, it's going to look nothing like it does now. I still don't have a title (I barely ever have a title) but I l know I'm going have the word Oppression in it.
Anyway, this is the Prologue, which may or may not be removed or severely edited at some later date. Some things won't make sense, as I said before, and there may be a few severely botched up words or sentences as my space bar on this computer is retarded, and I've disabled spell check on OpenOffice for the time being. But whatever.
I also am completed with one half of Chapter One which may later become Chapter 2 and some of Chapter One which will be the actual Chapter One at some point... what? Basically, more coming soon. I'm writing as fast as I can.
(Drumroll Please)...
________________________________________________________________________
Prologue
The watcher kneeled down before the high throne, bowing his head to the cloaked figure that sat on magnificent seat. He unrolled the piece of parchment in his hand which held the latest reports and observations of the watchers. He looked at his lord, requesting the right to speak. The dark figure nodded.
“Lord Vangweld, there have been several outbreaks and riots from groups of the minor cults. They have been too much for the forces we have to stationed, and I request reinforcements.”
Lord Vangweld nodded, and then stood up, addressing his Master of Forces, who stood in one of the shadowed corners of the room. “Please take this watcher to the war room so you can calculate how many forces should be sent out.” The Master of Forces nodded his head in acknowledgement, and then led the watcher out of the room down a corridor. Then he nodded his head to the next Watcher in line, who then stepped forward.
“What have you to report?” Lord Vangweld inquired of the watcher.
“Sir, there has been a major uprising in the town of Asmyhr about 50 miles south of here. The revolting villagers are composed mainly of Venificans, and it seems to be led by a single man who has evaded us thus far. I am requesting that a small group of Elites be sent down to the town so that we can quell this uprising.” The watcher stopped and thought for a moment, and then continued, “The town directly west of Asmyhr has been unsettled as well, I believe we may have a revolt brewing there as well.”
Lord Vangweld thought for a moment before saying, “Very well, take a small squadron of elites and guide them to these two towns. Do not return until you have either quelled the riots or driven all the Venificans out of the area.” The watcher bowed, and then took his lead, exiting by the corridor the watcher before him had taken.
The cloaked figure turned to a man who had been standing beside his throne throughout the whole process, and beckoned for him to follow as he stepped down from his throne and strode towards another hall branching off the main room. The man followed Lord Vangweld, keeping at a safe distance. They followed the long hallway until they exited into a brightly lit room with a table in its center. The table was strewn with maps, tools, and notes, everything the tactical officers would need to plan an invasion or direct a battle. Lord Vangweld pulled a large sheet of parchment from the folds of his cloak, and rolled it out on the table. He beckoned for the man to come closer.
“C'leth,” he said,addressing the man, “I am worried about our current situation. Our forces are scattered, and these groups of minor cults spread throughout the kingdom are doing an annoyingly well job of popping up all over the place and complicating matters. We need a new tactic.”
“Lord, I think that we're doing all we can do at the moment,” C'leth said carefully, arranging markers denoting their troops on the map. “We don't have enough forces at the moment to cover every area where there may be an uprising, but if we take down one group after another, eventually they'll wear out.”
“Or we'll wear out,” Lord Vangweld pointed out.
“That is a valid point. However, our forces are more trained, these are simply ordinary townspeople.”
“It's still not enough. We need an alternative method.”
“Actually, I've been thinking about that. The Veneficans could be easily crushed if we had the forces of the general populations against them.”
“And how do you propose we do that?” Lord Vangweld asked, interested now.
“If we could somehow get the general population to look down upon them, we could put a bounty on every Venifican that normal townspeople would be very happy to claim, and without hesitation. And we could do this through religious oppression.”
“Religious oppression?” Lord Vangweld's attention was now fully on on C'leth.
“Yes, if we chose one religion to endorse, and hopefully convert most people to, then we could put preachers in place which would then condemn Venificans, if very subtly. Eventually, the government could put a ounty on the Venificans, and there wouldn't be any remorse from the general population.”
“I believe this could be an excellent idea if it were pulled off correctly,” said Lord Vangweld, ”But it will need much planning, and we will need a religion to focus on and endorse.”
“I already have one in mind, my lord,” C'leth said. “Araneism is a very predominant religion, and, while it would be harder to pass off as the 'One True Religion' to most people, if we managed to it would greatly be to our advantage.”
“Excellent. Your idea is brilliant, C'leth. If it works, you shall be greatly rewarded.”
“It was my pleasure to present my idea to you, my lord,” C'leth said with a bow.
“It is time to get to work then,” Lord Vangweld said. “Let us begin the planning.”
I realize how lame this sounds now... And, ARGH! THe color is going funkeh... please just use a different skin if you have to.
Anyway, I want some feedback on it thus far to see if this is any good. Please note that this is my VERY FIRST DRAFT. There will be things that don't make sense. When I go back and edit, it's going to look nothing like it does now. I still don't have a title (I barely ever have a title) but I l know I'm going have the word Oppression in it.
Anyway, this is the Prologue, which may or may not be removed or severely edited at some later date. Some things won't make sense, as I said before, and there may be a few severely botched up words or sentences as my space bar on this computer is retarded, and I've disabled spell check on OpenOffice for the time being. But whatever.
I also am completed with one half of Chapter One which may later become Chapter 2 and some of Chapter One which will be the actual Chapter One at some point... what? Basically, more coming soon. I'm writing as fast as I can.
(Drumroll Please)...
________________________________________________________________________
Prologue
The watcher kneeled down before the high throne, bowing his head to the cloaked figure that sat on magnificent seat. He unrolled the piece of parchment in his hand which held the latest reports and observations of the watchers. He looked at his lord, requesting the right to speak. The dark figure nodded.
“Lord Vangweld, there have been several outbreaks and riots from groups of the minor cults. They have been too much for the forces we have to stationed, and I request reinforcements.”
Lord Vangweld nodded, and then stood up, addressing his Master of Forces, who stood in one of the shadowed corners of the room. “Please take this watcher to the war room so you can calculate how many forces should be sent out.” The Master of Forces nodded his head in acknowledgement, and then led the watcher out of the room down a corridor. Then he nodded his head to the next Watcher in line, who then stepped forward.
“What have you to report?” Lord Vangweld inquired of the watcher.
“Sir, there has been a major uprising in the town of Asmyhr about 50 miles south of here. The revolting villagers are composed mainly of Venificans, and it seems to be led by a single man who has evaded us thus far. I am requesting that a small group of Elites be sent down to the town so that we can quell this uprising.” The watcher stopped and thought for a moment, and then continued, “The town directly west of Asmyhr has been unsettled as well, I believe we may have a revolt brewing there as well.”
Lord Vangweld thought for a moment before saying, “Very well, take a small squadron of elites and guide them to these two towns. Do not return until you have either quelled the riots or driven all the Venificans out of the area.” The watcher bowed, and then took his lead, exiting by the corridor the watcher before him had taken.
The cloaked figure turned to a man who had been standing beside his throne throughout the whole process, and beckoned for him to follow as he stepped down from his throne and strode towards another hall branching off the main room. The man followed Lord Vangweld, keeping at a safe distance. They followed the long hallway until they exited into a brightly lit room with a table in its center. The table was strewn with maps, tools, and notes, everything the tactical officers would need to plan an invasion or direct a battle. Lord Vangweld pulled a large sheet of parchment from the folds of his cloak, and rolled it out on the table. He beckoned for the man to come closer.
“C'leth,” he said,addressing the man, “I am worried about our current situation. Our forces are scattered, and these groups of minor cults spread throughout the kingdom are doing an annoyingly well job of popping up all over the place and complicating matters. We need a new tactic.”
“Lord, I think that we're doing all we can do at the moment,” C'leth said carefully, arranging markers denoting their troops on the map. “We don't have enough forces at the moment to cover every area where there may be an uprising, but if we take down one group after another, eventually they'll wear out.”
“Or we'll wear out,” Lord Vangweld pointed out.
“That is a valid point. However, our forces are more trained, these are simply ordinary townspeople.”
“It's still not enough. We need an alternative method.”
“Actually, I've been thinking about that. The Veneficans could be easily crushed if we had the forces of the general populations against them.”
“And how do you propose we do that?” Lord Vangweld asked, interested now.
“If we could somehow get the general population to look down upon them, we could put a bounty on every Venifican that normal townspeople would be very happy to claim, and without hesitation. And we could do this through religious oppression.”
“Religious oppression?” Lord Vangweld's attention was now fully on on C'leth.
“Yes, if we chose one religion to endorse, and hopefully convert most people to, then we could put preachers in place which would then condemn Venificans, if very subtly. Eventually, the government could put a ounty on the Venificans, and there wouldn't be any remorse from the general population.”
“I believe this could be an excellent idea if it were pulled off correctly,” said Lord Vangweld, ”But it will need much planning, and we will need a religion to focus on and endorse.”
“I already have one in mind, my lord,” C'leth said. “Araneism is a very predominant religion, and, while it would be harder to pass off as the 'One True Religion' to most people, if we managed to it would greatly be to our advantage.”
“Excellent. Your idea is brilliant, C'leth. If it works, you shall be greatly rewarded.”
“It was my pleasure to present my idea to you, my lord,” C'leth said with a bow.
“It is time to get to work then,” Lord Vangweld said. “Let us begin the planning.”
I realize how lame this sounds now... And, ARGH! THe color is going funkeh... please just use a different skin if you have to.