nachtspiegel
November 2nd, 2008, 03:11 AM
When I say 'kill,' I'm serious.
Read the part past the red line if you don't feel like reading a novel.
I'm talking about my sister's boyfriend. To give some background, I'm talking about my oldest sister. This boyfriend was once her husband. She started dating him at seventeen, but left him for a while, got pregnant by an ex, then got back with him at eighteen when she was six months pregnant. He was twenty-four at the time. They got married within a week of getting back together, and three months into their marriage, my nine, almost ten year old niece was born. When they got married, I was only five years old. I could swear that I saw him smack her in the church right after the ceremony, but she says she doesn't remember that happening. (But, she also has a habit of claiming that she doesn't have a recollection of bad experiences.)
They lived in my mom's house (pregnant sister and new husband) until my niece was born, and for some time afterward. He tried to set the bed on fire with my sister in it right after my niece was born, but claimed that he accidentally dropped his cigarette on the mattress. Just before the mattress went up in flames, he was heard calling her a stupid whore and threatening to knock her teeth down her throat. (There were fourteen of us living in five rooms at the time, so if something happened, everyone heard it.) Soon afterward, under continuous pressure of my mother and brother's girlfriend to leave him, she decided to take her husband and newborn daughter and move to the other end of the city. Several times, my brother and sister (who are four and two years older than I am) would climb in the car, with our father (who stayed drunk all the time until just a few months ago) to go out there and get her when her husband threw her down the stairs, or blacked her eyes, or busted her lips. Because of my dad's drinking, she'd eventually feel trapped and go running back to her husband, believing that he'd change.
When I was eight, they moved back in with us. We had just lost our house and had to move in the middle of the winter to a crackerjack box with doors and windows. We all piled up in this house (that was four bedrooms, but only two of which were livable. The other two had rats, and so did the downstairs room where my brother, sister, and I slept.)
Eventually, my mother and sister were charged with neglect because social services came to the house finding my then three year old niece, me (I was eight at the time) and my ten year old sister and twelve year old brother unattended. My sister's husband was usually working or getting high. My mom was either working, at school, or doing something else to keep her from having to come home. My dad was always drunk and passed out or beating the shit out of one of us. (Though social services never knew about the beatings.) We also had a dog and seventeen cats living in the house and no one cleaned up after them. The house was insanitary and we stayed sick. We went to school wearing the same thing day after day because we never had clean clothes. Eventually, after they threatened to take the neglect claim to court, my parents and oldest sister got up on it and cleaned the house. Soon afterward, my sister, her husband, and my niece went to live with a friend in another county, but she didn't have electricity, it was wintertime, and my niece caught pneumonia, so they ended up coming back.
To fast forward a little, starting when I was about nine, the problems at my mother's house (I was tired of getting the shit beaten out of me all the time by my father and my brother, so I'd go to my sister's or to my friend's, whose parents knew what was going on at my house and felt the only way to help me was to take me out of the situation.) Time and time again, from the age of nine, I'd take my niece (who is five and a half years younger than I am) out of the house, usually in the middle of the night, to the streets to keep ourselves occupied while my sister and her husband went at it with knives, fists, pans, and anything else they could grab.
Time and time again, my sister would call the police, leave him, and stay gone for a month tops before going back. In 2004, he grabbed my other sister (who was 13 at the time) by the throat and threatened to kill her. My sister then left him and took both a DVO and an EPO out on him. CPS told her that if they found out that she was living with him again that they'd take my niece from her and give her to her biological father. She stayed gone for three months before going back because she was always fighting with my mother because of my father's drunkenness.
So, from the time I was nine until I was thirteen, getting ready to turn fourteen, I lived with her off and on, being a witness to the violence and doing whatever I could to provide relative shelter to my niece from the storm. It's an extensive history and it's left lasting effects on my sister, niece, and I. My niece has not been properly evaulated but I am trying through all get out to convince my sister to take her to a child psychologist to get her some help, because she has nightmares (from which she wakes up screaming every night) and she's brought to tears the moment it seems like an argument may start, even if the dialogue is in a joking manner.
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In 2006, my niece walked into my sister's bedroom and found her stepfather holding a pillow over my sister's face. My other sister and I went after him, threw him out of the house, and told him that we were going to kill him if he ever did anything to hurt her again. (My sister was 15 and I was 13 at the time.) His family called and left a voicemail on my sister's machine, telling us to watch our backs and that we had it coming.
A week after we threw him out, she became involved with another man who was twice her age. By March of 2007, he had talked her into moving out of state with him (which was illegal because she was not supposed to take my niece outside of our state.) While out of state, she called me crying at least three times a week, telling me that he was beating on her, blacking her eyes, coming home from the bar punching on her like a punching bag. She eventually left him and came back, and within six months was back with her (by this time, ex husband, because the divorce preceedings had been finished.) She didn't want to live at my mother's and she was afraid to live alone (because when she had her own place before, where I lived with her, we had one break-in and at least ten attempted break-ins. I used to sit in the kitchen with a knife and a ball bat just so my sister would feel safe enough to sleep. I was 14 at that time.)
She got back with him towards the end of December, beginning of January. They got a house together in January and everything seemed okay. I had tried to keep her from doing it, but she had made up her mind and there was nothing I could do. At least the house was walking distance. I made sure to stop by, and after my mother threw me out of her house in February (because of an argument over my dad's drinking,) I spent nights sleeping on her living room floor (while going back and forth between two other friends of mine, also.) In March, he got angry with her and slapped her because she wouldn't cook his breakfast. I tried to go after him but my sister stopped me. To this day, I feel so guilty for not decimating him then. Every day, he calls my sister a fat bitch and a fat whore and he talks to my niece in a manner less than what she deserves just because he isn't her biological father. (I forgot to add that he hit my sister when she was six and a half months pregnant in 2002 and she lost her child two days later. She never told the doctors about the incident.)
I've about lost my cool entirely a few times within the past two weeks. I keep observing his behavior when I sit over there with my niece while she is at her dialysis treatments. I want to punch him, but I keep hoping that putting it to her again and again will maybe motivate her to make a change. Today, he threatened to hit my niece in the mouth because she wanted some Scotch tape. He got angry with her for backtalking about her Halloween costume and replied with "how about we go get a whore outfit and you can go as a slut." I'm overly passive about this.
I truly feel that I am within just an inch of snapping on him and beating him until he is a limp sack of shit on the ground. I don't know why I'm posting about this, but I felt like I needed to write this out and put it somewhere. If something doesn't happen soon, I am going to unleash all of my anger and frustration on him in every way possible.
I'm close to killing him.
Read the part past the red line if you don't feel like reading a novel.
I'm talking about my sister's boyfriend. To give some background, I'm talking about my oldest sister. This boyfriend was once her husband. She started dating him at seventeen, but left him for a while, got pregnant by an ex, then got back with him at eighteen when she was six months pregnant. He was twenty-four at the time. They got married within a week of getting back together, and three months into their marriage, my nine, almost ten year old niece was born. When they got married, I was only five years old. I could swear that I saw him smack her in the church right after the ceremony, but she says she doesn't remember that happening. (But, she also has a habit of claiming that she doesn't have a recollection of bad experiences.)
They lived in my mom's house (pregnant sister and new husband) until my niece was born, and for some time afterward. He tried to set the bed on fire with my sister in it right after my niece was born, but claimed that he accidentally dropped his cigarette on the mattress. Just before the mattress went up in flames, he was heard calling her a stupid whore and threatening to knock her teeth down her throat. (There were fourteen of us living in five rooms at the time, so if something happened, everyone heard it.) Soon afterward, under continuous pressure of my mother and brother's girlfriend to leave him, she decided to take her husband and newborn daughter and move to the other end of the city. Several times, my brother and sister (who are four and two years older than I am) would climb in the car, with our father (who stayed drunk all the time until just a few months ago) to go out there and get her when her husband threw her down the stairs, or blacked her eyes, or busted her lips. Because of my dad's drinking, she'd eventually feel trapped and go running back to her husband, believing that he'd change.
When I was eight, they moved back in with us. We had just lost our house and had to move in the middle of the winter to a crackerjack box with doors and windows. We all piled up in this house (that was four bedrooms, but only two of which were livable. The other two had rats, and so did the downstairs room where my brother, sister, and I slept.)
Eventually, my mother and sister were charged with neglect because social services came to the house finding my then three year old niece, me (I was eight at the time) and my ten year old sister and twelve year old brother unattended. My sister's husband was usually working or getting high. My mom was either working, at school, or doing something else to keep her from having to come home. My dad was always drunk and passed out or beating the shit out of one of us. (Though social services never knew about the beatings.) We also had a dog and seventeen cats living in the house and no one cleaned up after them. The house was insanitary and we stayed sick. We went to school wearing the same thing day after day because we never had clean clothes. Eventually, after they threatened to take the neglect claim to court, my parents and oldest sister got up on it and cleaned the house. Soon afterward, my sister, her husband, and my niece went to live with a friend in another county, but she didn't have electricity, it was wintertime, and my niece caught pneumonia, so they ended up coming back.
To fast forward a little, starting when I was about nine, the problems at my mother's house (I was tired of getting the shit beaten out of me all the time by my father and my brother, so I'd go to my sister's or to my friend's, whose parents knew what was going on at my house and felt the only way to help me was to take me out of the situation.) Time and time again, from the age of nine, I'd take my niece (who is five and a half years younger than I am) out of the house, usually in the middle of the night, to the streets to keep ourselves occupied while my sister and her husband went at it with knives, fists, pans, and anything else they could grab.
Time and time again, my sister would call the police, leave him, and stay gone for a month tops before going back. In 2004, he grabbed my other sister (who was 13 at the time) by the throat and threatened to kill her. My sister then left him and took both a DVO and an EPO out on him. CPS told her that if they found out that she was living with him again that they'd take my niece from her and give her to her biological father. She stayed gone for three months before going back because she was always fighting with my mother because of my father's drunkenness.
So, from the time I was nine until I was thirteen, getting ready to turn fourteen, I lived with her off and on, being a witness to the violence and doing whatever I could to provide relative shelter to my niece from the storm. It's an extensive history and it's left lasting effects on my sister, niece, and I. My niece has not been properly evaulated but I am trying through all get out to convince my sister to take her to a child psychologist to get her some help, because she has nightmares (from which she wakes up screaming every night) and she's brought to tears the moment it seems like an argument may start, even if the dialogue is in a joking manner.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
In 2006, my niece walked into my sister's bedroom and found her stepfather holding a pillow over my sister's face. My other sister and I went after him, threw him out of the house, and told him that we were going to kill him if he ever did anything to hurt her again. (My sister was 15 and I was 13 at the time.) His family called and left a voicemail on my sister's machine, telling us to watch our backs and that we had it coming.
A week after we threw him out, she became involved with another man who was twice her age. By March of 2007, he had talked her into moving out of state with him (which was illegal because she was not supposed to take my niece outside of our state.) While out of state, she called me crying at least three times a week, telling me that he was beating on her, blacking her eyes, coming home from the bar punching on her like a punching bag. She eventually left him and came back, and within six months was back with her (by this time, ex husband, because the divorce preceedings had been finished.) She didn't want to live at my mother's and she was afraid to live alone (because when she had her own place before, where I lived with her, we had one break-in and at least ten attempted break-ins. I used to sit in the kitchen with a knife and a ball bat just so my sister would feel safe enough to sleep. I was 14 at that time.)
She got back with him towards the end of December, beginning of January. They got a house together in January and everything seemed okay. I had tried to keep her from doing it, but she had made up her mind and there was nothing I could do. At least the house was walking distance. I made sure to stop by, and after my mother threw me out of her house in February (because of an argument over my dad's drinking,) I spent nights sleeping on her living room floor (while going back and forth between two other friends of mine, also.) In March, he got angry with her and slapped her because she wouldn't cook his breakfast. I tried to go after him but my sister stopped me. To this day, I feel so guilty for not decimating him then. Every day, he calls my sister a fat bitch and a fat whore and he talks to my niece in a manner less than what she deserves just because he isn't her biological father. (I forgot to add that he hit my sister when she was six and a half months pregnant in 2002 and she lost her child two days later. She never told the doctors about the incident.)
I've about lost my cool entirely a few times within the past two weeks. I keep observing his behavior when I sit over there with my niece while she is at her dialysis treatments. I want to punch him, but I keep hoping that putting it to her again and again will maybe motivate her to make a change. Today, he threatened to hit my niece in the mouth because she wanted some Scotch tape. He got angry with her for backtalking about her Halloween costume and replied with "how about we go get a whore outfit and you can go as a slut." I'm overly passive about this.
I truly feel that I am within just an inch of snapping on him and beating him until he is a limp sack of shit on the ground. I don't know why I'm posting about this, but I felt like I needed to write this out and put it somewhere. If something doesn't happen soon, I am going to unleash all of my anger and frustration on him in every way possible.
I'm close to killing him.