Its all falling apart...

[Underground_Network]

I've kept strong for the last two-three years. I haven't even [seriously] contemplated suicide since seventh grade, but now I just can't handle it any more. Everything is the same, nothing is getting better. It could easily get better, but I just won't let it. People are inviting me to hang out with them, girls are trying to befriend me [or more], etc., but I just won't let it happen, and I don't know why. I just can't. I don't like how my life is, but I just can't change it. I just, was programmed to die or something. I think I'm fucked. I just can't do anything right.

My heart is pounding in my chest, my mind is racing. I haven't actually displayed the fact that I'm depressed in over three years. My mom doesn't know how I've felt rather recently, but I'm so close to showing it. I'm so close to cracking under the pressure. None of my friends know that I've ever been depressed or tried to kill myself. But this time, if there is a this time, may just be the last time.

I can't fucking handle this. I just don't know. I can' feign a smile any more, I can't feign being happy with everything. I just don't know. I don't know how to show people how I feel without feeling even worse. I want to just shoot myself in the head in front of my entire school. People disrespect me because think I can handle it, people pick on me [playfully] because they just do (I'm talking about friends picking on friends, not bullying or assholes picking on me/taking advantage of me); they all think I can handle it, but I can't. It hurts much more than they could imagine.

And now with the stress of succeeding, its just all too much. I'm getting a C+ in my Chem Honors course, and I've been joking with my friends that I don't care, but I do. I'm actually trying, I'm telling them that I'm not studying, but I am. Maybe I could study more, but I'm starting to not care anyway. I'm getting straight B's, when I should be getting straight A's. Soon my grades will plummet even further. Soon I will plummet even further...

I think I'm already in too deep... Its all falling apart, and I just can't put it back together. Its too fucking late... Way too fucking late... :cry2:

[theOperaGhost]

Adam, buddy, do you want to talk? I'm on MSN right now if you do. You need to calm down. I'll give a better answer if you don't decide to talk to me.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

Hey, i added you on msn,
I know how you feel,
I have to keep up an act for my friends too,
and i live with my bestfriend,
so i'm close to exploding

[Θάνατος]

Yeah there are lots of people here who deal with the thoughts of suicide on a daily basis. I have had those thought a lot the past two weeks. I know if it wasn't for thePianoman I would have probably would have just killed my self.

There are people on here who can and will help out. Please feel free to contact me too if you want to talk.

[Buggahh]

Maybe if their your friends have a talk to them about them joking around, or have a chat with someone on here thats offered to help you out im always here to help to so dont feel that your on your own because well i guess you never are no matter how much it feels like it, sometimes the stress can bring it back again but dont hesitate to contact me if you want a chat

[just-me]

im in near enough the same position, ive hidden my true feelings for years, and recently it all crashed down and its showen more than ever, my grades are plumeting even when i try hard, and they are so bad im starting not to care. but my parents have realised and sent me to the doctors. weaher it will help or not is another question.

[Halibut]

Each day has a bump in it..look beyond it and there is a sunset. It is always there. Warm, embracing and beautiful and promising. keep looking forward for that sun. life has so much going for you, your just a teen. dont end something that will end up to be so amazing. give it a chance!