Once a cutter, always a cutter.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

Godamn,
I have the biggest urge to cut up my whole arm right now.
It's been almost 2 months since i last cut myself, they've healed finally and turned into scars,
well at least, at this point, no one noticed new scars because of how cut up my arm already is><
I went to the doctors then dermatologist's a while ago,
seeing how much it would cost to get scar removal.
My arm would be $1,600 and my thigh would be 3,600 because it is soooooooo bad.

and he said that even after that they cant get rid of them, it will just help.
i would have to go into the hospital every month to get my skin poked all over with a needle to make the whole arms skin regrow over.
for about 6 months.

let alone the fact that, that is fucking scary,
Theres no way i can afford to get either one of those done.

Fuck.

It's so hard not to cut, because i still haven't found any coping method to replace it.
No matter what i do,
I always relapse,
eventually,
i always do
I'm always fighting the urge, because its in my nature,
its like alcoholics
even if you quit drinking,
Your always an alcoholic.
you just choose not to drink.

the longest i've gone is 6 months.
i think.
And that was after 4 years of cutting hundreds of cuts everyday.

this February will be the 7th year since i first started self harming.

I guess this is really turning into a rant...
i don't know,
i guess,
I just feel really weak right now.
emotionally.

I'm going to stop before i depress myself anymore xD

[Hyper]

It takes alot of courage to stand up to your problems

Scar removal or not the most important thing is to heal the scars inside :P

And I think you could do that with a considerable amount of effort :)

Hope all goes well for you Tegan

[not-strong-enough]

I have just joined this site because I read your post.

i have also now been self harming for 7 years. there have been times when I have stoped, for around 7 months, but somehow it always comes back. for quite a while there, worse than ever. i actually couldn't go to sleeo at night without cutting, it became a routine, something i did in the process of gettin ready for bed. then became something i did before i went out anywhere.
it has calmed down a bit but its still there. once a cutter always a cutter. ive tried to give it up but wonder, what is the point? when i know for a fact it will be back to haunt me soon enough.

i know this isn't very uplifting but to find that someone sounds the same as i feel...brings a small bit of comfort.

[-Silence]

There's really nothing I can say to help because I'm in that same place, especially lately.

[xGreenling]

The mention of scar removal caught my eye.

According to my body-mod friends, massaging scars with either emu oil or vitamin e oil at least daily helps reduce them, if you don't want to shell out for professional removal.

[DarkWingedAngel]

^^ yep it does i do it all the time
i find vitamin e oil works better though

[The Air Guitar Man13]

i dont cut my self and i just need to know... why dosent it hurt??

[DarkWingedAngel]

it does hurt and that is why most people do it

[Underground_Network]

Sometimes when you do something enough it stops hurting. For several reasons I myself have "acquired" a high tolerance for pain. Its not impossible to cut yourself and not feel pain. But as Desi said, most people cut for the feeling it brings. Its "enjoyable" pain, to an extent. People do it just to relieve stress, or to get their minds off of everything else. Some people do it to feel better, some people do it as a last resort, some people do it because who knows, they just do.

But yeah, I want to say something helpful Tegan, but I can't really think of anything except for what I've already said. Stay strong, keep your mind off of cutting; try not to think of it. If you really need to, get professional help. Some therapists/psychiatrists suck ass, but others can be helpful. If not, just find somebody to talk to/confide in. Letting all your emotions out can be helpful, especially when letting them out to someone who can respond and aid you/bring you comfort. :/

[xGodsMinionx]

i dont cut my self and i just need to know... why dosent it hurt??

the reason it "doesnt hurt" is because when we cut it releases endorphyns(sp) in our brain that makes us feel "numb"

or atleast thats the bullshit my therapist fed me. but yah

[Whisper]

The people that genuinely have or had a problem with it will always have it lingering there in the back of your head. It's an addiction. Once an alcoholic and what-not
The ones that do it to fit in, instead of feeling like an outcast (I know for awhile it was the "cool" thing) won't [lucky assholes eh lol]

i dont cut my self and i just need to know... why dosent it hurt??
it does
that's the point
physical instead of emotional
easier to deal
easier to control


Besides many doors open once you've mastered pain my friend

[just-me]

physical instead of emotional
easier to deal
easier to control


its funny ive been cutting for around a year or two and never have i thought of it like that
well said

[Φρανκομβριτ]

Tegan.......


....I hope you're doing a bit better. If not I'll buy you a drank and we'll talk about it.

I know it's hard, and I'm sorry to say, it never gets easier. I still get the urges all the time, and ive slipped up wuit a few times in the past 8 months or so. It's important you just talk it out (not walk it out), you can't do it all by yourself. Try sleeping or something.

BTW you should listen to buy you a drank when reading this too. I love you Tegan xx

[Fiending_the_freedom]

xD i LOVE you rudi

[john_gr]

I havent self-harmed myself. Why do u resort to selfharming to alleviate (psycological) pain and not trying to do anything else more effective and permanet like solve ur problems , live/see the bright side of life ...? With willingness and determination anything can be achieved.

[Fiending_the_freedom]

thats the problem,
people who cute get stuck in a circle of self hate, pity and want to give up,
they WANT to hurt. and they dont want to get better.

[Jekyll]

hey i know how you feel im sitting here trying desperatly not to grab my blade and cut. iv gone 2 months and its so hard. but i agree with who ever said it its not the scars that you should worry about its the cause. and please if you find a way that helps thats not the elastic band, ice cube, or drugs and alcohol then please let me know ive tied them all

[electric7rocker]

i think we should make a sticky specifically for non-cutters who dont understand it
cuz we get a lot of questions about it in regular threads... just an idea

and tegan i believe in you :P